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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

368 replies

Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:14

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

OP posts:
tachetastic · 15/09/2025 16:44

In all likelihood that little boy is an angel at school and the best friend in the world to other boys and girls.

Many children struggle to hold it together 24 hours an day and some make a subconscious decision to act up with their parents because they feel they must be good at school (or, worse, vice versa). Unless your DD starts expressing fear about his behaviour at school (without prompting by you) I would not think about it again and definitely would not say anything.

That family is probably going through enough, and was no doubt mortified to deal with that episode in the playground, without your oar being stuck in.

garlictwist · 15/09/2025 16:44

That was me as a kid. I used to cause terrible scenes, hitting and punching and screaming. Can't say why now, looking back. But I grew up alright and never turned on another child. I think wind your neck in.

DaisyChain505 · 15/09/2025 16:44

Would I be inviting him over for a play date, no.

Would I be telling my child to stay away from him at school, also no.

Your daughter needs to make decisions for herself and use her brain to figure out who she wants to play with and be around.

Firebird83 · 15/09/2025 16:45

I’m surprised you don’t already know who all the children in your DD’s class are when she’s already been there a year. Is he new in her class this year?

MischiefandMayhemManaged · 15/09/2025 16:46

Personally I would say something. There was a kid in my class at school. He was a terror, a bully and the school did nothing because "He HAd SpeCial NeeDs" little shit broke my rib, and gave me a bloody nose on more that one occcasion. Same age group too. - Yes, I was quite delicate having been diagosed with a chronic illness at 4. However that was no good reason for him to be a nasty little shit.

JamieCannister · 15/09/2025 16:46

Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:14

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

YANBU to worry.

Lindy2 · 15/09/2025 16:46

And this is the daily life of hundreds of thousands of parents whose children are neurodiverse/have SEN.

How about you don't compound their difficulties and just keep out of it.

Glowingup · 15/09/2025 16:47

Firebird83 · 15/09/2025 16:45

I’m surprised you don’t already know who all the children in your DD’s class are when she’s already been there a year. Is he new in her class this year?

Really? My DS is in year 6 and I know some of the kids in his class and obviously the ones he’s friends with but not all of them. Why would I?

JamieCannister · 15/09/2025 16:49

Lindy2 · 15/09/2025 16:46

And this is the daily life of hundreds of thousands of parents whose children are neurodiverse/have SEN.

How about you don't compound their difficulties and just keep out of it.

OPs duty is to keep HER daughter safe and to ensure HER education.

The parents of a kid with SEN are the responsibility of his parents, and the school are responsible for all (but, of course, the rights of 29 kids to learn is greater than the right of one kid to disrupt).

NotToday1l · 15/09/2025 16:49

sunshine244 · 15/09/2025 16:19

Yabu. Kids almost always show their worst behaviour to their parents. Probably overwhelmed and struggling with school- possibly with ASN too.

Yeah, the poor little thing

Verydemure · 15/09/2025 16:49

MischiefandMayhemManaged · 15/09/2025 16:46

Personally I would say something. There was a kid in my class at school. He was a terror, a bully and the school did nothing because "He HAd SpeCial NeeDs" little shit broke my rib, and gave me a bloody nose on more that one occcasion. Same age group too. - Yes, I was quite delicate having been diagosed with a chronic illness at 4. However that was no good reason for him to be a nasty little shit.

Given you are old enough for a mumsnet account, I think it’s fair to say that schools have developed their skills in dealing with kids with special needs

and what should OP say?

the poor kid didn’t even notice her DD!

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 16:49

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 16:33

Haha! Qualification in what?

Child screaming ‘I don't want to go to school’ whilst kicking their parent… let’s think now.., I think that child doesn’t want to go to school.

Show quote history

But you said “Child doesn’t want to go to school and is angry at his parents for sending him in” and that’s often not the case at all.

greengreyblue · 15/09/2025 16:50

Yes we have one of those at my school. In our case it’s a ASD/ meltdown situation but your child will be looked after and kept safe. It’s part of main stream school these days.

Wtafdidido · 15/09/2025 16:50

Speak up to the teachers and ask how they are safeguarding the children from these outbursts. We had similar in p1 and my child ended up with a serious concussion when the child lashed out and shoved him so hard he fell back against an coat peg and a bite mark on his stomach that drew blood. The perpetrator was only in the school because no special school place was available. Several children were hurt and the school had v obv failed in their duty of care to all the children. Raise your concerns verbally and follow up with a letter as written communication has to be retained for the inspectors. Your child is your most precious thing so do whatever you feel you have to protect them.

Whateverwillwedonow · 15/09/2025 16:51

If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc?

It’s likely that he lashes out at his parents because it’s safe to do so.

greengreyblue · 15/09/2025 16:51

Also I would think the school are aware of this child’s behaviour already but if concerned mention it .

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 15/09/2025 16:51

Yes, please do ask for your child to be kept separate from all of the SEN children. In all honesty it's probably going to be better for that kid because your attitude will rub off on your daughter.

Having been that parent with the child having a meltdown every morning, with all the judgy parents looking down their nose at me I have nothing but sympathy for those parents and the attitudes they have to face.

Fwiw the meltdown will be aimed at the parents because they are that child's safe space.

Snorlaxo · 15/09/2025 16:51

My son struggled with going to school. He was fine while there and never hit another child either (he’s an adult now so that’s 13+ years of school) Some kids don’t have extended family, babysitters and didn’t go to nursery/preschool and struggle with the transition. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad kid who should be avoided.

Even if you asked the school, they can’t make sure that your dd isn’t having contact with him without your dd made to feel like the outsider. You wouldn’t want that.

greengreyblue · 15/09/2025 16:51

Whateverwillwedonow · 15/09/2025 16:51

If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc?

It’s likely that he lashes out at his parents because it’s safe to do so.

This

JamieCannister · 15/09/2025 16:52

greengreyblue · 15/09/2025 16:50

Yes we have one of those at my school. In our case it’s a ASD/ meltdown situation but your child will be looked after and kept safe. It’s part of main stream school these days.

Edited

That is quite simply naive delusional optimism with no evidence to back it up.

Lucytheloose · 15/09/2025 16:53

If this boy can't be allowed near your daughter, presumably he can't be allowed near any other pupils either. How is that going to work? Or is your daughter more special than any of the other kids?

Sassylovesbooks · 15/09/2025 16:54

An outburst like you witnessed is unsettling, especially if it's something you've never seen before. There may be numerous reasons for it. Your daughter hasn't mentioned this child, appears not to be bothered by him and he's not upset her. It's probably something the school are aware of, and I doubt it's the first meltdown he's ever had. I wouldn't be concerned for your daughter at this stage.

Sunshineandoranges · 15/09/2025 16:54

You are not being unreasonable. Just monitor what is happening by asking open ended questions to you daughter.if she starts to get worried or upset,then go and talk to the teacher.

Allthatshines1992 · 15/09/2025 16:54

Everyone who witnessed that will gossip and judge and urge their child to stay away from 'that child'. Many will voice these moany judgements to the teacher.

Personally, I'd stay out of it.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/09/2025 16:54

Is DD your PFB OP? So you want to ostracise this poor boy for one incident that you don’t know any background for? How kind and inclusive of you. YABVU.