Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Sounds like our school

I am cross because he's caused all this by not thinking and speaking up. All he had to do was virtually anything else. However, he's not sleeping on the sofa tonight, I'm not about to LTB. We've talked and agreed that assuming nothing else comes of it, to leave it behind us. He rarely does school trips l, refuses to assist with kids Scouts etc anyway so if he never wants to volunteer again, the kids won't be affected. We're good. I know he's sorry.

Re work I was catastrophising earlier with the posters talking about how they'd want him prosecuted and how SS will be round.

I don't work, largely due to stuff going on with eldest DC but I'm currently looking for work. It's hard after a long gap, needing to fit around the kids and with ongoing medical stuff at the forefront right now.

Am I the only one who wouldn’t care if an adult tapped my daughter on the head to remind her to stop being rude? …….just me then.

@ToddlerIs2 unless there is something far more than this, this is crazy! if he literally tapped them on the head to get their attention then that's it! school
will probably ask him not to in futur and explain why if he assaulted them then you can expect visit from police. No idea why people go crazy over what your actual post says 🥴🥴

You sound harsh IMO, like you treat your husband like a small naughty child.

He tapped her for attention. I'm not saying he's never tapped one of them for attention. She told the teacher he tapped her on the head.

I don’t honestly think anything will happen other than a reminder that it’s advisable not to be doing things like that as a parent helper.

TBF I think Mom is focused on the fact a stranger touched her child. I assume she's seen it as reprimand not attention so I don't blame her for being upset. Someone upset her kid. A stranger she has no context of. I don't blame them for being angry. I worry about that anger coming out in front of my kids and them being distressed or my kids being bullied for rumours.

She wasn’t banging the DH’s seat. She was banging her own seat, which his knees were touching.

And he perceived that she was then turning around frequently to see if that was annoying him.

This is Mumsnet. You should absolutely expect some MNers to call the police over it. They’d probably do it if you breathed in their child's direction as you’ll have assaulted them with your breath.

Nope, I wouldn’t either and I think this entire thread is slightly insane

Yes, strikes me as a huge fuss over nothing.

If my 9 year old came home and said a man had tapped her on the head I’d have asked her why. When she explained I’d have told her she shouldn’t have been bumping the seat around then. He’s hardly an abuser!

My Granddaughter has moderate hearing loss. She can't wear her hearing aid at the moment because she has a severely retracted ear drum. This woman is a helper in the school, she knows about the medical conditions. My Granddaughter turned her best ear towards her, to hear better. The helper then moved in front of her and pointed her finger in her face, while saying 'you always look at me when I'm speaking to you'. She was seen by another helper who intervened. She's known for being aggressive. She often also tells other children off for speaking at a volume my Granddaughter can hear. If you can't cope with what children bring, don't volunteer.

The government guidelines for all schools in England and Wales state:

”Schools should not have a ‘no touch’ policy. It is often necessary or desirable for a teacher to touch a child (e.g. dealing with accidents or teaching musical instruments).”

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/school-discipline-new-guidance-for-teachers

I certainly wouldn’t object in those circumstances. My DDs have always been tricky (they’re adopted), so I would have been inclined to believe that they were being annoying.

It sounds like a storm in a teacup really, if it was just a tap on the head. (And the OP’s description of her DH’s character makes me inclined to believe his version of events.)

I am sure there is cctv on the bus, can it be watched and then a decision come to?

Well that mum needs to be told the context. She was infront of him jumping in her seat which hurt his legs. It's logic to touch someone's head in that case to get their attention in order to tell them to stop.

I find it scary how some people react to this banal incident. Talking about police and SS intervention fgs. They would laugh hearing about it. Even you OP have been blowing up what your dh did to something catastrophic. As a former social worker I would just raise an eyebrow and wondering if the person calling this in is in need of mental health support because it's batshit crazy.

Two separate points -

One, it’s no surprise that girl is a disobedient little irritant when her parents are clearly pandering to her poor behaviour.

two, I actually don’t believe the poster banging on about never touching a child and being fired for hugging has ever worked in a normal UK secondary school. I have been teaching over 20 years in a number of different schools and have had safeguarding training every year. I have NEVER been told
not to touch a child. In fact today I high five’s a boy who got the part he wanted in a school play. I also held on to a boy’s shoulders who was attacking another boy. I often see teachers and SMT with their arms around children- perhaps not fully hugging them but definitely for reassurance.

@ToddlerIs2 How many hours a week on average does he work? That could explain why he doesn't often do school trips or help out with Scouts.
I think you've been harsh on him.

I had no idea it wasn’t allowed, pretty sure DD’s high school also had that in place. She was very shocked, bless.

It actually is really fucking scary how parents react nowadays to their children being reprimanded.

No wonder our society is fucked

It actually is really fucking scary how parents react nowadays to their children being reprimanded.

No wonder our society is fucked

Oh for goodness sake! Stop exaggerating.

Yes indeed.