Page 30 | Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

DogRocket · 15/09/2025 18:06

OfficerChurlish · 15/09/2025 17:29

I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

You seem to have a colossal amount of guilt and shame about what your husband did on this trip, and it's worrying to read. To recap: DS needs one on one care on some school or recreational trips. You usually go because you're responsible for most of his care while his dad has more responsibilities outside of the family/household because of his job; fair enough. But this time you couldn't go, so his dad went. That is totally OK. There was absolutely no reason for you to go, because his dad was there. Generally, it would actually be beneficial for you to take turns so your son has this kind of time with each of you and sees both of you in an equal(ish) caring, parenting role.

It's not your fault that the dad used poor judgement and made a mistake this one time. He has now explained himself and apologised and says he understands why he was wrong and it won't happen again. It seems that the school have understood and will give him another chance. That's great news! Let him take it. Your humiliation (completely misplaced and unjustified) is distracting from letting your son enjoy a trip with either parent in charge of him, and you're wasting an almost unbelievable amount of emotional energy catastrophising and punishing yourself. Make sure DH learned his lesson and knows what to do next time, and let him try again. Yes, he should not have done what he did and there have been consequences, and I don't mean to minimize the seriousness of his actions, but branding him for life because you feel embarrassed about something you had no control over and is now under control isn't what's best for anyone.

Well said. People are so annoyingly soft and fragile these days.

Bumblebee72 · 15/09/2025 18:11

Ddakji · 15/09/2025 17:37

Some people just aren’t very good parents, though. If I found out my child had behaved as you say this one did and got a tap on the head and a request to stop from a parent helper, I’d be livid. With her.

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Quite - the apple never falls far from the tree. These parents probably know all their "rights" but none of their responsibilities to raise good children.

BloominNora · 15/09/2025 18:14

Speckly · 15/09/2025 16:54

Aaahhh the old switcheroo! So you couldn’t find any guidelines to prove your point? I thought not!

However, here’s your link as requested to show teachers can touch children:

Please note the 1st line of this section: “Schools should not have a “no contact” policy. This has been in legislative policy for at least 15-20 years.

https://consult.education.gov.uk/behaviour-unit/revised-use-of-reasonable-force-guidance/supporting_documents/Use%20of%20reasonable%20force%20and%20other%20restrictive%20interventions%20guidance.pdf

So yeah this is real life and teachers are saying this. Some just seem to be more informed than others. Mind that you don’t fall when you get down off that high horse…

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Ooops - didn't realise this had already been posted - oh well - it's not like she'll be back now!

saraclara · 15/09/2025 18:14

Thank goodness for that link. I was wondering what the hell had happened to schools since I retired, only a very few years ago.
Clearly that very insistent poster works at a really weird place.

Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/09/2025 18:15

Sounds like it has been sorted

fwiw if I was the mum I would have said to dd why didn’t you listen when boys dad asked you to stop

supported your dh

tho sure many would disagree

plus thank god the teachers at dd 8 so year 4 school show affection

her teachers get hugged by dd and her friends while im there. They run to see their old teachers and tell them about their day

when dd fell over /had ear ache she was given a cuddle

DramaLlamacchiato · 15/09/2025 18:17

If anyone ever wonders why their kids don’t get to go on school trips any more, or why there aren’t school discos or events because there are no parent helpers, look no further than this thread. What a lot of over-reacting shite.

Supersonix · 15/09/2025 18:17

A tap is not the same as a hit. I think you wrong to be cross with him you weren’t there. But he shouldn’t have fallen asleep. I don’t think anything g will come of it.

LillyPJ · 15/09/2025 18:39

nocoolnamesleft · 15/09/2025 11:28

So he went as a supervisor, went to sleep instead of supervising, then hit another child on the head? I guess he’d better hope the parents don’t call the police.

A tap isn't a 'hit'.

MollyMollyMandy33 · 15/09/2025 18:40

what an utterly ridiculous comment.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 15/09/2025 18:41

Figcherry · 15/09/2025 12:07

I'd associate with you.
I really think your making this into a bigger deal than it is.
Your dh will not be prosecuted for anything.
You friends will forget the incident in a week.
Your dh will never touch another dc again unless they're falling under the school bus.
And perhaps the dc will learn to behave.

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This!

Lndnmummy · 15/09/2025 18:43

@ToddlerIs2 I have volunteered for many many school trips and I think I have touched other people's children on every single one of them. One time I had a group of reception kids and had to pull one down from going the wrong way on the escalator. I have tapped a countless amount of little arms on excited little children to get their attention. I have pulled them back from walking to close to the road, standing to close to the platform and I have tapped them on their shoulders and heads on coaches and trains to get their attention if needed. I have told children off for not listening, being unkind or generally misbehaving.

If I was confronted by anyone about any of this I'd find them weird and suggest they volunteer on the next trip. I recall a Y1 trip my dh was on where two girls were being disruptive. He separated them (physically I assume) and to ensure they were separated for the rest of the day he held them in one hand each. Never heard anything but praise for him for keeping the girls in check.

I'm baffled by all the pearl clutching here, seriously.

Weird.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/09/2025 18:47

OfficerChurlish · 15/09/2025 17:29

I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

You seem to have a colossal amount of guilt and shame about what your husband did on this trip, and it's worrying to read. To recap: DS needs one on one care on some school or recreational trips. You usually go because you're responsible for most of his care while his dad has more responsibilities outside of the family/household because of his job; fair enough. But this time you couldn't go, so his dad went. That is totally OK. There was absolutely no reason for you to go, because his dad was there. Generally, it would actually be beneficial for you to take turns so your son has this kind of time with each of you and sees both of you in an equal(ish) caring, parenting role.

It's not your fault that the dad used poor judgement and made a mistake this one time. He has now explained himself and apologised and says he understands why he was wrong and it won't happen again. It seems that the school have understood and will give him another chance. That's great news! Let him take it. Your humiliation (completely misplaced and unjustified) is distracting from letting your son enjoy a trip with either parent in charge of him, and you're wasting an almost unbelievable amount of emotional energy catastrophising and punishing yourself. Make sure DH learned his lesson and knows what to do next time, and let him try again. Yes, he should not have done what he did and there have been consequences, and I don't mean to minimize the seriousness of his actions, but branding him for life because you feel embarrassed about something you had no control over and is now under control isn't what's best for anyone.

I agree with this.

I think DH should definitely go again and make sure he neither falls asleep nor taps any children.

So your DS can see both of you as capable of accompanying him on a trip without causing incident.

Edit - he did something mildly wrong, has accepted it and apologised. Perfect solution all around. Now he goes forward trying to be as helpful as possible and demonstrates he know the right way to do things, not that he’s written off for life as a potential helper.

ParmaVioletTea · 15/09/2025 18:50

Lots of talk about the personal inconvenience of his actions having consequences. No thought for the little girl who had to tensely be around and try to avoid that man for the entire rest of the day before she could get away from him and be back home safely

Maybe she shouldn't have been banging the OP's DH's seat!

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/09/2025 18:59

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 17:30

Well the parent was waiting furiously for us to walk past with our younger children where she loudly demanded an apology as the TA stood and commended her on how well she was coping given the awful thing that had happened so, the parent cared.

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She sounds exhaustingly OTT. I really feel for you and your DH, because this should never have been more than a teacher telling DH "Please make sure you don't touch a pupil again, not even a tap to get their attention because you don't know their name."

A tap to the head can feel louder/harsher than elsewhere on the body. Especially when it wasn't expected - but I suspect the child deliberately used dramatic language to tell her parent the story, leaving out the bits where she had been deliberately banging her chair into his knees (that can be PAINFUL to be on the receiving end of), and ignoring the adult's requests to stop; and that's how the parent has ended up so wound up.

(To the room in general:)
Parent helpers rarely have DBS checks and any form of training. The school handles this by supervising the parent when they are with the children at all times. If a teacher didn't see it happen, that's a failing of the school's.

MyLimeGuide · 15/09/2025 19:00

Only read the 1st page, ridiculous comments from people on here! Massive over reaction your poor husband volunteering to help as school trips he wont bother with that again the teacher can deal with the kids on her own next time!

everychildmatters · 15/09/2025 19:01

You seem very cross at your husband, OP. What is it you are worried about? Seems to me your biggest concerns are you feeling personally humiliated and your husband losing his job? Do you work yourself?
I hope your husband is OK.

TheRosesAreInBloom · 15/09/2025 19:09

OverlyFragrant · 15/09/2025 11:30

I'd be grateful if my child was told off by another adult, especially if the teachers are unable to instill good behaviour.
I'm not too sure what the head teacher will do, apart from request he doesn't do it again.
But also, why was he snoozing!
I'd suggest naughty child's parent comes along to all school trips in the future to correct their child's behaviour if no one else is allowed to.

Edited

Most sensible response on MN today 👍🏻

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/09/2025 19:12

So the child is possibly a little shit and mum precious about their child

wonder if they often get told off by teachers ……

I would def still talk /associate with you

JustAForeigner · 15/09/2025 19:19

I can only say, the world has gone mad.

Pregnancyquestion · 15/09/2025 19:20

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 15/09/2025 14:46

I can't believe people are actually suggesting that police or social services may be involved. Really?

Do you think they have nothing better to do that get involved with someone who tapped a child on the head with a finger when she was misbehaving?
What kind of insane world do you think this is?

Part of my old job used to include accessing child social care records as part of a safeguarding role so that I could work out if someone needed children’s input for their kids or had just transitioned to adults. Some of the referrals to social care that I read that were shut down after a phone call with no further action shocked me. Some were long lists of referrals closed every step of the way and I’d be working with an adult who should have had someone intervene years ago and now they’re living lives full of risk and bouncing from disaster to disaster and then I see people talking about referring to social services because someone tapped a kids head to get their attention and I’m just like… yeah ok I’m sure they’ll be right round to check on his kids

Needsomethingtoread · 15/09/2025 19:26

Children in my school often throw themselves at us for a hug in front of parents and there is no issue. I'd hate to work in a school where you think you will get sacked for hugging a child.

Gingernessy · 15/09/2025 19:33

Overthebow · 15/09/2025 11:31

Why did he fall asleep? Both that and tapping a child on the head was unacceptable. I’d expect there to be an investigation and he likely won’t be allowed to go on any more school trips. The girls parents could choose to take it further.

What he did wasn't smart but I wonder if the girl will be disaplined for being an annoying arse for the whole journey and not doing as she was asked too.
Probably not and then we wonder why kids are feral and so many parents are being abused by there own offspring.

everychildmatters · 15/09/2025 19:36

@Needsomethingtoread Years ago, when I first started out in my teaching career (around 20 years ago), I remember vividly an incident in which a nursery-age child was nodding off in assembly. His head began to drop backwards so as I was sitting behind him I instinctively put my hands up to gently support his head and try to keep him from dozing off completely and ultimately from banging his head on the wooden floor. After the event I was told it may have been advisable not to do that.
I am still aghast to this day, especially now that I am a mum to three kids of my own.
I am so glad I am no longer a teacher, especially with things going the way they are now.

diddlysquatagain · 15/09/2025 19:37

IdaGlossop · 15/09/2025 15:43

Thank-you for posting this. I ran through in my mind what I would have done if my DD had come home telling me this and I would have responded in the same way.

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Me too.

Honestly, I don't know who all these people are who are crying 'touch' = abuse. So very sad.

I'd say they've probably either not held down a proper job for any length of time or possibly - excuse me - are on the spectrum (black/white).

Life is not all straight lines or this/that. Life is rich and a melangery of human reactions in situations where there is subtext and context.

Booboobagins · 15/09/2025 19:38

So she ignored him and he tapped her on presumably her bowed head to get her attention? Wtf has the world come to. That's not a hanging offence. Everyone needs to take it down a notch.
Sounds to me like your DH was right to stop the behaviour. Touching someone is not abuse, let's define it properly please. Abuse something that causes pain.