Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Yes, you're right.

Maybe now you know how not feels for teachers and TA’s to have been accused!

The head teacher won’t be bothered - he probably knows the other child well and understands they also could have prevented further waste of time interviewing everyone.

Bow we have an annoying child likely to be more annoying because mummy dearest made the man apologise.

This thread is bonkers. No wonder so many kids are borderline feral these days.

DD still goes to visit her teachers from nursery to Y5 because she was that loved and looked after and it involved many, many hugs and probably quite a bunch of telling off. My nanny (and her husband) are to this day like a second set of grandparents to me, who hugged me many, many times.

A society where you’re supposed to “back away” from a child that wants a hug is just crazy. How can anyone properly work in these circumstances, where anything from a hug to a light tap becomes all this drama?

She didn't. Once she was off the coach she was fully aware that she wasn't near him again for the rest of the trip. And I have said somewhere that compounding her comprehension of how "hard" the tap was is the emotional weight of her shock at it happening by a person she doesn't know / the embarrassment / etc.

It's for her Mom not me to post if she so wishes about how her daughter is coping

I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

You seem to have a colossal amount of guilt and shame about what your husband did on this trip, and it's worrying to read. To recap: DS needs one on one care on some school or recreational trips. You usually go because you're responsible for most of his care while his dad has more responsibilities outside of the family/household because of his job; fair enough. But this time you couldn't go, so his dad went. That is totally OK. There was absolutely no reason for you to go, because his dad was there. Generally, it would actually be beneficial for you to take turns so your son has this kind of time with each of you and sees both of you in an equal(ish) caring, parenting role.

It's not your fault that the dad used poor judgement and made a mistake this one time. He has now explained himself and apologised and says he understands why he was wrong and it won't happen again. It seems that the school have understood and will give him another chance. That's great news! Let him take it. Your humiliation (completely misplaced and unjustified) is distracting from letting your son enjoy a trip with either parent in charge of him, and you're wasting an almost unbelievable amount of emotional energy catastrophising and punishing yourself. Make sure DH learned his lesson and knows what to do next time, and let him try again. Yes, he should not have done what he did and there have been consequences, and I don't mean to minimize the seriousness of his actions, but branding him for life because you feel embarrassed about something you had no control over and is now under control isn't what's best for anyone.

Well the parent was waiting furiously for us to walk past with our younger children where she loudly demanded an apology as the TA stood and commended her on how well she was coping given the awful thing that had happened so, the parent cared.

As a teacher, I can see why many will see what he has done was wrong, but it clearly wasn't done out of a place of malice.

He is not regulated as I am as a teacher, so there is no disciplinary action that could be taken, and it's very unlikely the police would be interested in this.

I would imagine that the school will be wanting to tell him off / say he can't go on any other trips - however (nephew of two solicitors hat on) I would not meet with them, there is nothing to be gained, if he apologised to the teacher who spoke to him that is that, if the head wishes to make further comments they can just as easily write a letter.

Verbal meetings are dangerous things, one can be drawn into saying what, with more time to consider, you may not say.

Wow
doesn't sound like they have great awareness ( shouting whilst you walked past with your children ?! )

now we can see where the daughter gets her behaviour from.
How sad for her.

Does sound like its all blowing out of proportion, but it's another good reason not to engage with the head - in the unlikely event of legal action, such communication could be to say the least unhelpful. There is nothing to be gained from the meeting.

The world is insane. I would be so cross if this was my child. What a PITA.

Sorry - hit post too soon- I would be so cross with my child for being so annoying!

HonestOpalHelper The meeting with the head has already taken place. See OP's post at 15.45.

Some people just aren’t very good parents, though. If I found out my child had behaved as you say this one did and got a tap on the head and a request to stop from a parent helper, I’d be livid. With her.

This happened to me, a boy behind me kept kicking my seat and smacking me on top of my head with his new inflatable toy from the gift shop, some kids have absolutely no respect for other adults. Thankfully I kept my temper in check but I was close to shouting at him as teachers didn't notice and I felt stupid if I told the teacher on him (wish I had told them though). I imagine teachers going to say he can't accompany on school trips anymore, he really should have just spoke to a teacher but he should tell them what child was doing. If parents confront either of you be sure to tell them why it's happened as whilst what your husband did wasn't right, the child also needs to be held accountable for her behaviour.

Are we just ignoring the fact the kid was being a brat? In hindsight the dh should have told a teacher but omg no need for all this angst. As for the brat experiencing trauma and coping. I think i give up.

People need to calm the f down. Should he have had physical contact with the child, no but I can imagine the disorientation after waking that he acted on instinct.

Wait for the school to complete their assessment of the situation, catastrophising will help no one.

NO ONE DIED.

I'm only here for the Booneymill content now.

Poor guy - goes to all that effort to make sure he can’t be dragged on future school trips and they don’t even ban him from them. Next time he definitely needs to open a full can of whupass on someone!

given that was the outcome from the investigation, the school clearly don’t really think he did anything wrong either……

There are so many identifying details on this thread, I'd be very surprised if this isn't being shared like wildfire right now by loads of parents from the school. This is school gossip gold and they definitely know who OP is.

Haha! Booneymill has probably slunk off now after being shown all the guidance that proved her so very wrong 😆

I think it’s very odd that your husband has reacted in this way to a stranger’s child yet you’ve never seen any flash of physical from him with your own kids. That’s quite a big change in approach/behaviour from him.

if another parent tapped my child on the head, I wouldn’t be overly bothered, especially if my child was being a pain, but I suspect this was more than a tap, hence the reaction of the child (maybe told teacher “he smacked/hit me) and therefore his and your concern and why the school are escalating this with a meeting.

That's not the Booneymill I know

Good grief this thread is absolutely bonkers and this post is one of the most stupid I have ever read.

This country has gone mad and I feel sad for children and what the future will be like.

😏

You're school absolutely does not follow national guidelines if it has a no touching or no contact rule. The national guidelines explicitly state that schools should not have that kind of rule in place - perhaps you should suggest to the head that there is updated training provided as part of one of the PPD days this year!

The current guidance (which is in "Use of reasonable force advice" says:

Schools should not have a ‘no contact’ policy. There is a real risk that such a policy might place a member of staff in breach of their duty of care towards a pupil, or prevent them taking action needed to prevent a pupil causing harm.

However, the new guidance (see page 9) which was consulted on earlier in the year and is due to be released imminently. Much wider than just reasonable force, specifically giving examples around comforting distressed children, giving praise, demonstrating musical instruments and to demonstrate exercises in PE.