Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

ToddlerIs2 · 2025-09-15T10:25:26+00:00

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

Zemu · 15/09/2025 11:27

Is he a teacher? Or a parent helper on the trip?

AphroditesSeashell · 15/09/2025 11:28

I imagine he won't be welcomed back as a chaperone for any more school trips!

Beyond that, it will be up to the childs' parents to decide if they want to escalate it any further. If it was literally a tap, I wouldn't expect it to go any further but if he is downplaying it and/or the girl tells a different story, they might report it to the police.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/09/2025 11:28

So he went as a supervisor, went to sleep instead of supervising, then hit another child on the head? I guess he’d better hope the parents don’t call the police.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:28

Zemu · 15/09/2025 11:27

Is he a teacher? Or a parent helper on the trip?

Parent helper, 121 for ds. I've edited above cos it's stupid of me to have omitted that

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willingtolearn · 15/09/2025 11:29

I imagine he will be asked for his version of event and then it is likely to be suggested that he does not attend further trips.

This will be conveyed to the other parents as 'we have spoken to this individual and they will not be helping on any further trips'

Job done

CeeceeBloomingdale · 15/09/2025 11:29

He dozed off, then touched a child. I imagine he'll be told he can no longer volunteer.

OverlyFragrant · 15/09/2025 11:30

I'd be grateful if my child was told off by another adult, especially if the teachers are unable to instill good behaviour.
I'm not too sure what the head teacher will do, apart from request he doesn't do it again.
But also, why was he snoozing!
I'd suggest naughty child's parent comes along to all school trips in the future to correct their child's behaviour if no one else is allowed to.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:30

Was your husband a parent volunteer on the trip? I don’t really understand what the Y4 girl did but yes if a child is “being annoying” plenty of options are available other than tapping them on the head, what a bizarre thing to do. Presumably he could have told a teacher if there was a problem?

I have also had a child slap my child - I saw what happened - and the child who slapped called it a tap so I would want to know exactly what type of force was used, it doesn’t need to be a hugely forceful act for it to be very unpleasant for the child at the receiving end.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:30

nocoolnamesleft · 15/09/2025 11:28

So he went as a supervisor, went to sleep instead of supervising, then hit another child on the head? I guess he’d better hope the parents don’t call the police.

He only had DS who's 10 but yes dozed off, he said he tapped and I don't doubt that but obviously as the kid is upset it may well be his word against hers as to whether he hit her around the head or tapped her on the head. If the parents had gone to the police would we have heard by now? It happened Friday so they would have told the parents Friday night.

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Overthebow · 15/09/2025 11:31

Why did he fall asleep? Both that and tapping a child on the head was unacceptable. I’d expect there to be an investigation and he likely won’t be allowed to go on any more school trips. The girls parents could choose to take it further.

Gardendiary · 15/09/2025 11:31

Well assuming he was a parent helper I would expect him never to be allowed on any more trips, probably for the school to review the instructions and training they give to any other parent helpers. The Head will probably want to tell him how inappropriate his actions were. I suppose the parents could go to the police if they were that way inclined, but I think most parents would probably just direct their anger to the school.
What a wally - I can see why you are annoyed.

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:32

Presumably other children will have seen what happened too if there is any discrepancy between his account and the Y4 child.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:32

AphroditesSeashell · 15/09/2025 11:28

I imagine he won't be welcomed back as a chaperone for any more school trips!

Beyond that, it will be up to the childs' parents to decide if they want to escalate it any further. If it was literally a tap, I wouldn't expect it to go any further but if he is downplaying it and/or the girl tells a different story, they might report it to the police.

He's never ever touched our kids, I can't see him suddenly slapping a random child and I can't see a random slapped child not reacting immediately and it being dealt with somehow there. He was on the way out so spent the rest of the day with DC's class and caught the coach back.

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cupfinalchaos · 15/09/2025 11:34

If it was on the child’s arm I’d find that completely fine, but tapping someone on the head to me is aggressive and unacceptable. I wouldn’t be happy.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:34

OverlyFragrant · 15/09/2025 11:30

I'd be grateful if my child was told off by another adult, especially if the teachers are unable to instill good behaviour.
I'm not too sure what the head teacher will do, apart from request he doesn't do it again.
But also, why was he snoozing!
I'd suggest naughty child's parent comes along to all school trips in the future to correct their child's behaviour if no one else is allowed to.

Edited

Cos it's 4 hours by coach, he only had to look after DC who's 10 and was drawing quietly. He didn't get a pillow out and intend to sleep, he just dozed off with the motion of the coach. If he'd been responsible for other kids I'd have had a go about him dozing but DC doesn't need that level of constant supervision and would totally have woken Dad up even if it was just to share a random thought.

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StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:35

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:32

He's never ever touched our kids, I can't see him suddenly slapping a random child and I can't see a random slapped child not reacting immediately and it being dealt with somehow there. He was on the way out so spent the rest of the day with DC's class and caught the coach back.

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The child may have been a bit shocked, expecting them to react in the way you think they should to such a surprising thing isn’t really a helpful way to think about it.

He may not have hit hard enough to injure or anything like that but “a tap” to a child who is annoying him is completely inappropriate and he should have been expecting a call from the school.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 15/09/2025 11:36

OverlyFragrant · 15/09/2025 11:30

I'd be grateful if my child was told off by another adult, especially if the teachers are unable to instill good behaviour.
I'm not too sure what the head teacher will do, apart from request he doesn't do it again.
But also, why was he snoozing!
I'd suggest naughty child's parent comes along to all school trips in the future to correct their child's behaviour if no one else is allowed to.

Edited

He’s not there for the other kids, just his own. I feel like it’s fine to nod off in that case

Overthebow · 15/09/2025 11:37

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:34

Cos it's 4 hours by coach, he only had to look after DC who's 10 and was drawing quietly. He didn't get a pillow out and intend to sleep, he just dozed off with the motion of the coach. If he'd been responsible for other kids I'd have had a go about him dozing but DC doesn't need that level of constant supervision and would totally have woken Dad up even if it was just to share a random thought.

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But this is a school trip and he was there as 1-1 supervisor for DS. Your DH isn’t a child, he can keep himself awake and it’s not really appropriate for him to fall asleep.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:37

StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:30

Was your husband a parent volunteer on the trip? I don’t really understand what the Y4 girl did but yes if a child is “being annoying” plenty of options are available other than tapping them on the head, what a bizarre thing to do. Presumably he could have told a teacher if there was a problem?

I have also had a child slap my child - I saw what happened - and the child who slapped called it a tap so I would want to know exactly what type of force was used, it doesn’t need to be a hugely forceful act for it to be very unpleasant for the child at the receiving end.

She was in the seat ahead so I assume the top of her head was easier to reach that a shoulder or similar, he wouldn't have known her name (neither would DC) to have used it but yes, plenty of teachers on board plus a TA we know via school really well so no excuse for not asking the teacher to tell her. I usually reprimand once quietly, then reprimand a second time louder with threat of telling the teacher. Third time would be direct to teacher. If I'm banned from school trips whilst my youngest is year 1 I will never forgive him. I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.
I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

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StillTryingtoBuy · 15/09/2025 11:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:37

She was in the seat ahead so I assume the top of her head was easier to reach that a shoulder or similar, he wouldn't have known her name (neither would DC) to have used it but yes, plenty of teachers on board plus a TA we know via school really well so no excuse for not asking the teacher to tell her. I usually reprimand once quietly, then reprimand a second time louder with threat of telling the teacher. Third time would be direct to teacher. If I'm banned from school trips whilst my youngest is year 1 I will never forgive him. I don't even know how I'm going to face school, wondering who the year 4 child is, wondering if her parents are going to acost me at school.
I didn't go because I have an injury and school wouldn't sign me off to go before anyone asks why I wasn't there

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I’m so sorry, I would be furious with your DH really. What did the teacher say to him when he got off the coach? Did the teacher see what happened too?

Gardendiary · 15/09/2025 11:38

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:32

He's never ever touched our kids, I can't see him suddenly slapping a random child and I can't see a random slapped child not reacting immediately and it being dealt with somehow there. He was on the way out so spent the rest of the day with DC's class and caught the coach back.

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None of this really matters, recollections may vary and all that. I would imagine he and the child perceive the events differently and you will just have to hope the parents are level headed and that the school are good mediators so there is no escalation.

arcticpandas · 15/09/2025 11:39

If my son came home and told me that a dad gently tapped him on his head to make him stop kicking around in the bus I would be dead angry...with my son.

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 11:40

Assuming that one of you always has to accompany your son on school trips, I would think the Head wants to see him just to make sure he properly understands the rules.

Calling the police would be absolutely ridiculous if it really was just a tap and a 'please stop doing that'. There must have been loads of people around him and the girl that would have been aware of what had happened (or unaware of a very minor event!).

BeLilacSloth · 15/09/2025 11:40

Hopefully School would have called the Police, absolutely discusting of him to touch another child while supervising.

Original poster

ToddlerIs2 · 15/09/2025 11:40

Gardendiary · 15/09/2025 11:31

Well assuming he was a parent helper I would expect him never to be allowed on any more trips, probably for the school to review the instructions and training they give to any other parent helpers. The Head will probably want to tell him how inappropriate his actions were. I suppose the parents could go to the police if they were that way inclined, but I think most parents would probably just direct their anger to the school.
What a wally - I can see why you are annoyed.

Edited

I'm SO angry. And he's said sorry to me, that he didn't think it through. I don't think he's likely to defend himself to school etc.

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