Husband touched a kid to reprimand them on school trip

[ToddlerIs2]

Husband went on school ltrip with yr 6 dc as our DC"s 121 so only responsible for him. Yr 4 girl in front was being annoying all journey. Husband asked her to stop several times. He dozed off and she banged the seats again (so banding onto her knee) and he lent over and tapped her on the head and told her to stop. Off the coach the teacher spoke to him and he said sorry, didn't think etc. now head wants to see him. What's the likely consequences? We have a lot going on and I'm not holding it all together very well so at home so don't know how irrational I am. He's never smacked out kids so I know it won't have been a smack to the head etc and it was only when she got off she told the teacher. I'm absolutely fuming because how did he forget to never touch someone else's child? And obviously there's an angry parent there that there's a grown man who's touched their daughter so school will probably have to make an example of him. Any ideas what's likely to happen?

I don't think what happened was ok, hence why I'm asking what's likely to happen instead of doing a thread about prescious parents and over reacting schools.

I'd associate with you.
I really think your making this into a bigger deal than it is.
Your dh will not be prosecuted for anything.
You friends will forget the incident in a week.
Your dh will never touch another dc again unless they're falling under the school bus.
And perhaps the dc will learn to behave.

I think 'tapped' seems to mean different things to different people. It wouldn't bother me if soneone tapped me to get my attention.

I expect they will need you to be the parent who supervises on future trips.
What an idiot he was

Omg. You are all batshit crazy.
no wonder kids are feral these days.

He didnt batter the child ffs.
maybe the child next time will stop misbehaving when told to!!!!!

honestly I actually am alarmed by the complete gross overreaction by everyone

This. Nothing will happen, other than your DH spoken to.

I think they are talking about the level of hysteria at what is a relatively minor incident which seems to have been blown out of proportion.

He shouldn't need to for eldest although we have younger kids who have many years left. He only does this one once a year as we usually have two kids there so we do one each. Cos I couldn't go he had to have eldest instead of me

It was pretty predictable really. But yes, I agree.

Exactly this! It works both ways, sometimes kids really need gentle touch, a hand hold, a hug - everything is so sterile, it can’t be good for kids development.

I get that it’s about safeguarding but the pendulum has swung so far.

what the hell are you on about?

Rule one is don't touch kids you don't know.
He's not a complete stranger hiding in the woods interacting with an unknown child, but he's the parent of school kid, in a bus with the class and other adults?

Do you even LIKE your husband?

Or as MN would say, are you on glue?

I understand - you are a bit caught in the crossfire here!

I would expect that your DH will be asked about what happened and given very clear information about the behaviour standards expected from parent volunteers, if he wants to volunteer or attend school events again. Assuming his account of what happened is accurate.

I would not want another adult touching my kid in any situation (barring doctors etc) so I would be furious if this was my child and she was on a bus with a random sleeping adult male who can't control his hands. Obviously nothing actually happened to harm anyone but I wouldn't expect a grown adult to fall asleep while surrounded by children he didn't know and to be unable to control himself or deal with a situation of a child being annoying. I don't think there's anything for the police here but I doubt he will be allowed to accompany your child again so you will need another plan. He really shouldn't be sleeping if his role there is to supervise anyway.

In schools the (unofficial) union advice is do not touch kids under any circumstances.

yes, mostly it’s ok if you do hug an upset child etc.

but it’s career ending if parents or the child makes allegations.

your dh has been a fool. He wasn’t with his own kid on public transport, he was volunteering on a school trip.

he’s left himself wide open to a shit load of trouble heading his way.

how much trouble depends on the parents of the child.

realistically school will ban him from volunteering on any more school trips or coming in to support your child in any way.

how much further they go beyond that depends on how angry and pissed off the other parents are.
some parents can be incredibly unreasonable.

Tapped her on the head, whoop de do. No he shouldn’t have done it but a bit of bloody perspective needed really. It’s hardly like he booted her up the arse. No wonder so many kids are entitled little brats these days

Thank you. We have other stuff going on with eldest medically and I know I'm incapable of rationality ATM. I cry when I'm upset, scared, angry, overwhelmed so trying to get it all out of my system before I sit humiliated in front of a head teacher I really respect and who I've always had a good relationship with up until now

Is it likely to trigger any SS concern into our own children? Like if he does that to someone else's in public, what does he do at home?

“Tap” is a dog whistle for the smacking brigade-you might want to rephrase if you’re sure it was genuinely just a “tap”…..

I know this is a derail but what happens if parents just can’t attend.
Work / not enough holiday to cover school trips etc.

AIBU isn't the place for this, OP. Some posters just love to escalate and add to your worries. I've worked in primary schools and the thought of this being reported to the police is quite ridiculous.

I'm sure you'll be reassured once he has the meeting.

I think the people who want to call the police because he reprimanded a child are what's wrong with the country. I don't think he necessarily went about it the right way but even so.

If they ban both of us, there is no other plans. The TA would have to be his 121 which makes work for them. The big trip planned is absolutely no parents anyway. They presumably can't bam DS from his last year of trips
But he'll miss all the leavers stuff etc if he's banned from school grounds. Pick up by him is exceptionally rare ATM and can probably be worked around.

I really think you need help.
Therapy or see your GP.
You are definitely overreacting.

My friend's son has 1:1 care at school so the 1:1 attends for day trips to supervise his son. For overnights one of the parents has to go (he just spent 5 days away with his son's class) or the child just can't go.

If a child is in the grey area where they won't get 1:1 care but also can't manage on their own they just can't go on trips I think? There is a child in my son's class who cannot attend swimming lessons as he just can't stay safe and it's a major issue for obvious reasons.

OP take a breath. It's not going to be as bad as you're thinking.

I read that as meaning the opposite.