PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

Yanbu obviously! I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. Hopefully PIL will listen to your dh and accept gracefully. If not, you are better off without them.

I would then completely ignore them or say something “shame you don’t want to come, it won’t be the same without you and doc will be disappointed that they don’t get to have Christmas with both sides of the family. I think my family might be a bit surprised that you aren’t coming, they would have liked to see you too. Never mind perhaps we can come and see you around NYE if you’re not busy?”

You mention doing the right thing a few times. You don’t need to justify yourself, It’s not about the right thing, it’s about what you want, you want an open house where ALL family, regardless of blood ties, are welcome and invited. Your MIL are mard-arse sulky folk. Leave them to it, I expect that they will reluctantly attend in the end. And moan. Smile, nod and ignore.

Take them at face value.

They've not kicked off, just said "no it's ok we'll do something else."

The correct response to that is "well let us know if you would like to pop in, we'd love to see you!"

Don't give it another thought!

They should think themselves lucky to be invited! Stuff them and have your fun Christmas, they can fizz all they like, it’s your house, your celebration and your invite list, not theirs!

Some people don’t like change at Christmas and I suspect they’re set in their ways.
let them get on with it if they’re going to be pathetic

Your house = your rules. They cannot dictate what happens at someone else's house. They sound like a nightmare and l bet there are 101 back stories that validate this theory. Let them hissy fit and sulk, l would give it no further head space

If there is a spare ensuite going spare and Christmas laid on then l am up for it!

Don’t give it a second thought. You’ll have much more fun without them there. And they’ll soon realise they’ll need you more than you need them and come grovelling back.

You are 100% doing the right thing. I’m almost jealous you’ll have an amazing time with your loved ones. PIL can be funny but that fact this is getting organised already just means they have plenty of time to arrange their own days! Have the best holiday, you havnt said how old you are but I’m now apart of the “I do not care club” lol. We do things our way your either on our bus or getting left at the last stop. It’s as simple as that.

Have a fabulous Christmas OP! I would be really rubbing my glee in PILs face to make it clear how little of a shit you give. "Christmas is all about family." "Yes, I completely agree Brenda, which is why we are all ecstatic that my parents, sister and her family, and DD's BF can all come and join us this year. How lucky we are to have so many family members able to celebrate with us!"

Your DH needs to buck up his ideas though about (his) blood relatives being the only ones that matter. A) how rude towards your family, and cruel towards you, and B) he is setting himself up to being pushed out by DD in the future if you don't make an effort to welcome your potential future SIL.

You are right OP, your PIL are BU. If they had their way you would uninvite all the other people and you’re certainly not going to do that.

You can invite whoever you like.
And it includes youur daughter and her partner, for fuck's sake!
Sounds like it will be a much jollier gathering without your inlaws, though.

I'd be pointing out that they are not your family (the PIL's) they are just the parents of a bloke you decided to shag. But that's possibly not that helpful.....

I would take it as a good result to be honest. How you've not said to them "why do you think it's any of your business who comes" I am not sure!

Your Christmas sounds fabulous - I'm quite envious as someone who has no family, other than DH and DCs, in the UK.
They are being incredibly unreasonable and are the ones who will miss out and no doubt will dine out on the "woe is us" story for years to come. Leave them to stew in their juices and have a fantastic time!

The real problem is she might change her mind nearer the time!

“Sorry we have catered for Xmas now”. In September? Not believable!

Your PiLS are really being silly, they could be the centre of attention in your much bigger group rather than with just you and your husbands immediate family, if they were sensible!

I must say that we’ve had a few tense Christmases where one or two PiLs in our extended family didn’t want to share, I simply can’t understand it. I’m not perfect, but I would never spoil other people’s enjoyment, I hope.

They may of course change their mind and join you, but frankly it would be better if they didn’t!

You have a fab time, enjoy the festive season and please don’t give them a second thought.

🎄🌲🎄

Late to the party here, but as my parents got older they found group things really difficult. They would have been the ones who were overwhelmed by ‘extras’ coming along and it would have put them off. They didn’t mean anything by it particularly, but they just preferred a ‘known’ situation. As they got much older they turned down Xmas with just my family - it was all too busy.

This shouldn’t affect your behaviour at all of course. I’m just saying that it might be more complex than you think.

You are doing entirely the right thing. Including family and their partners, all welcome. I'm not a Christian, but this is a "cast thy bread upon the waters" situation where people will remember you and your DH as generous, willing hosts who gave them a good time, and you will ( I hope ) benefit from the good relationships that ensue.

Your PILs are being vompletely unreasonable. Surely your DH doesn't really think it normal to have them refuse to socialise with people at Christmas!?

C all the way you sound like a lovely, kind, warm hearted person. I will also add, if they are like my in laws, I am sure you will have the best Christmas ever without them 🤔🤭

Hey, you’re hosting, you’re going to all the trouble and expense OP, that’s so generous and kind.

Have whoever you want, The outlaws (as I called mine) don’t get to veto your choice: they’re invited, they have chosen to decline. Let them. Their loss, their choice. Just shrug and let them know they can drop in if they want to. It’s called cutting your nose off to spite your face. Not your problem.

They’re not happy about you spending Christmas with your parents and sister? Well that’s tough they can be alone then.
As for your dd boyfriend he would be invited before the in laws, you can have whoever you want in your house.

I don’t really see the issue. You say a lot about them, how you feel about them and why you think they have declined. But you haven’t actually said what they have said or done to make the situation a huff/strop or n their part. It sounds like you invited them and they declined, which is absolutely fine for them to do.

They seem determined to cut off their nose to spite their face. Let them stew and don't back down. I always had open house for Christmas day, my family, in-laws, current partners, nephews etc. I would have laughed at anyone trying to dictate who I could invite into my home at Christmas.

I would invite the family over every year so these miserable people don’t come!
yanbu, they deserve to be alone then.

YANBU. They sound ridiculous. Of course it is the host’s prerogative to invite whoever they wish. Invite who you want and enjoy the day with whoever accepts the invitation.