Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

I would definitely be okay with that, and I did live in a city for some time and that was different (although I did have my bag snatched in a well-lit area on a bliddy main road, once!) but around here, very quiet and lots of darkness and nooks and crannies.

I admit I do listen to a lot of 'true crime'! And I do not feel like there's a lot of risk. But it is the potential consequences, rather than the likelihood, that hugely puts me off being alone and vehicle-less in the dark .

@DdraigGoch You are so right. It's very patronising when people assume you need lifts.

@TeenLifeMum which of Bill Bryson's books were you referring to earlier? I fancy some new reading material.

On the subject of books, I can recommend Melissa & Chris Bruntlett's "Curbing Traffic". They're a Canadian couple with two kids who moved to the Netherlands and have written about the ways that car dependency reduces quality of life. Their teens in the Netherlands have far more freedom than the "back seat generation" have in the Canadian suburbs. Older people have more independence. Low-income people aren’t forced to buy and maintain a car in order to survive.

I don’t want to have to use initiative for a day out, I want to get there as fast and hassle free as possible. I certainly don’t want to be cycling at any time, let alone middle of winter! Nor waiting for buses or trains.

My next trip is hopefully the Scottish highlands. Wouldn’t even dream of doing that on public transport! There are definitely parts of that inaccessible by PT, and part of the draw is to be away from other people, not breathing in their germs 🤣

Plus by the time I’ve paid the ludicrous train fare, waited an hour for the delayed train and lugged my bike with me I’d be so depressed I wouldn’t enjoy the day lol.

I recognise the defensiveness of non-drivers because I was one of then up until a few years ago. I too got annoyed when people made comments about it and would've said I was perfectly fine doing everything on public transport/taxis/Uber. And sure, I could manage.

But the thing is, I didn't realise how many limitations I'd accepted on my lifestyle by not driving. Where you can live. Where you can work. Being beholden to a bus timetable and the bus is running 30 minutes late and it's raining. I can now help others do things like picking up elderly relatives and taking them to appointments. I can go out on a whim. I can make several stops instead of just going from A to B. I can buy big items on Facebook Marketplace and pop them in my car and drive off. And now that I have a child, it's been absolutely invaluable. My car has been my nappy changing station, sleep station, breastfeeding station, you name it.

I still use public transport. Learning to drive doesn't mean you suddenly stop using your legs. But if you're a non driver even remotely wondering how life could change, take the plunge. It's absolutely one of the best things I've ever done.

If you want hassle-free then I wouldn't try parking in the Ogwen Valley.

Best way to see the Scottish Highlands & Islands is by train & ferry. A 400 mile drive would be hell, but I can just catch the Sleeper train from Crewe in the evening and wake up to the sunrise over Rannoch Moor. I've stayed in Arisaig a few times, enjoyed catching ferries to the Inner Hebrides. There are decent buses (by rural standards, it's not Oxford Street) on Skye too. A German friend did an Interrailing trip this year and visited Barra.

There may be places inaccessible to public transport but I haven't yet found anywhere I can't go. For that matter there are parts of the Scottish Highlands that are accessible by train but not by car.

I was one of them too up until recently and I still largely agree with the majority of non drivers. I only learned for a very specific reason and if this hadn't happened, I probably would've never learned.

My son was also well past the baby years when I learned.

Live in London, with benefit of tube and bus. Didn't learn to drive until my mid-thirties, when it was convenient for moving kids around. Profoundly uninterested in cars. I can't even remember the make of my first one. Kids grown up now. Really don't care if I never drive again.

I think it can also be because non drivers always use the ‘public transport’ excuse to be late or to inconvenience others. Like if you’re meeting at a certain place, the person who doesn’t drive says that they cannot access there if it’s too far or no transport location. It feels like it’s not simple to just plan, you have to accommodate the fact that they don’t drive.

and whilst you do say that you never ask for lifts etc, is that actually correct? What if you’re with people, you’re never the sober driver or have to think about that. If you go to work and public transport is not running, you’re likely getting a lift off family/friend or a colleague. Medical appointments, emergencies etc. What about things like Christmas or bank holidays when there are no transport running, I’m sure you access lifts from people?

as someone who’s only ever dated people who never drove, the friend who only drove, the only sibling who drove - it is exhausting when non drivers basically expect from drivers and don’t care about inconveniencing them

When I was a non driver, I never asked for a lift.

If public transfer wasn't possible for whatever reason then I'd order a taxi.

The meeting places thing absolutely goes both ways - I have had people say they can't meet somewhere because it doesn't have parking, e.g. city centre locations

Jesus calm down, I didn't say you did. And yes ok well done, you're a hero and much less lazy than me. Have a medal. I could talk about the busy roads here but I'm sure you'd have an answer for that too. You crack on and enjoy your cycling.

As far as the Scottish highlands are concerned, I have done both and there are good and bad aspects of both. Public transport is great for point-to-point backpacking as you can do linear day walks and are not restricted to finishing in the same place you started. Using public transport in the highlands does require extensive planning as many places have only a couple of bus services per day (usually to allow remote village residents to get too and from larger towns for shopping trips), so your itinery has to be planned around the bus/train/ferry timetables. Driving gives you way more flexibility and is my preferred choice if I am staying in one place and travelling out from there daily. The main issue with driving is the increase in traffic over the years which has turned parts of the highlands into SE England, and if you like hillwalking, make sure you get to the car park early for the honeypot mountains, otherwise you won't get parked.

I went for a period without a car and I managed to get about with the aid of a folding bike combined with public transport, plus I had the fitness to cycle double figure mileage for utility trips if required. I cycled a 19 mile round trip with hills to my workplace in all weathers, including through the 2013/14 winter, the stormiest on record. I never asked for a lift although I would accept one if offered, where "offered" means the driver is not going out of their way and we are going to the same place.

One of the disadvantages of using a bicycle as the primary mode of transport came about a decade ago when I was nearly killed by a careless driver, but that can happen when driving as well.

The stress of having my whole trip in the hands of public transport, and being beholden to certain timetables would have my anxiety spiralling.

Also not being able to drop off the beaten track on a whim, drop in somewhere miles from a train station or bus stop, or change plans to suit us doesn’t sound fun to me at all. I like the freedom to be able to break up a journey when I want, or call in at points of interest during the journey.
Ferries are something to get as a one off as part of a trip, not to have to rely on for a full trip. Sounds awful to me.

Yeah exactly, I could not hack having my trip dictated by a bus that may or may not show up while I’m waiting in the pouring rain, having to carry all my belongings with me!!

I want a winter trip, preferably with snow, so traffic should be fairly low by then ☺️

I found the drive (passenger) home from a holiday last year pretty fucking miserable tbh. (Went with family, paid towards petrol and treated them to coffee etc as needed)

Severe rain means most of the roads were closed. A journey that should have taken 3.5 hours took nearly 9. We couldn't go anywhere to use a toilet/get a drink.

The train would have taken the same time as usual and there's toilets and a drinks trolley.

Whilst I can we drivers points about PT being delayed, in reality I've been stuck in traffic far more than had delays on PT. So it works both ways.

Ummmm ...... actually, the only time I ever used an excuse for lateness was on one of the rare occasions when I drove. I said I'd been stuck behind a tractor. It was true, but had cost me around 10 mins out of the half hour that I arrived late. I've never used public transport as an excusel

Are drivers never late to things or inconvenience others? I know they are because I’ve dealt with plenty where I the non-driver had to wait for them to arrive at the place they chose.

Some act as if drivers rarely get stuck in traffic, delayed or ever have to factor their own timings and journeys into plans.

It really does work both ways - although I don't think anybody has been delayed or inconvenienced because of my lack of driving so far.
I have a friend who insists on picking me up on our way into the city for an evening out. On the occasions I accept, as not to appear ungrateful, we have had to spend time in traffic, then what feels like ages trying to find a space to park in town and end up having to park a bit further out or in an expensive car park. I could have cycled and locked up my bike right outside where we need to be in about half the time!
It really depends where you live. If you life in an urban environment, you really don't have to use a car for day to day living. We used to have a car years ago, and we hardly ever used it so got rid of it. Occasionally, it would be useful to have a car to go further out if PT is inconvenient but we have hired cars on those occasions, and overall it's cheaper and less of a liability than owning one.

If you want hassle-free then I wouldn't try parking in the Ogwen Valley

Yes! This is the point though. Public transport is so awful for most of Snowdonia that most people don't even attempt it; creating the hideous parking nightmare that is the a5.

There are pockets where it works (shuttle buses to pen y pass for example) but if you're not interested in joining the masses trying to get up Snowdon it's not easy.

I've done Snowdonia walking holidays on buses several times in the past but it's tricky enough for fit adults, particularly when you're trying to time descents so you don't miss the last buses. Factor in tired children and carrying kit.. not so appealing.

Right now, for example, it would take me 2h 17 mins to drive to the Ogwen valley campsite from my house.
Public transport? Not possible to set off in the afternoon apparently (unless you want to spend the night at a railway station) as you'd be getting in too late to make the last bus. So leave in the morning instead and it's 5hrs 45 mins. With three trains and three buses. Yeah it's possible - but with kids, carrying kit? Not really. And you'd be arriving so late you'd risk being up the Glydrs or putting up a tent in the dark.

Yep! I live in an area where public transport is meh and everyone drives everywhere. I moved here when I could drive - joke's on me!

The good thing about being a driver is it doesn’t preclude you from getting a train if you want to. It gives you the choice.

That said it’s incredibly rare that we choose to get a train over driving because the convenience of driving, plus having a vehicle available whilst away, far outweighs any inconvenience of a possible traffic delay. It’s also far cheaper in fuel than in train tickets, plus any bus, trains, taxi fares once away. We are big explorers, so wouldn’t want to just get a train to one place and stay there for a whole week and not go out and about.

I think the only time we ever get a train is to go to our nearest city, particularly if we plan to have a drink. It’s still possible to drive though, and I know where the free parking is as I lived there for a while!

Interesting discussion though 😃

Oh yeah, I’m often late, but it’s not usually the traffic that’s the issue it’s my time blindness 😩😩🤣

Such a good point about times. I often want to set off on a trip straight after work, so I can maximise my annual leave. Cars give us the option to set off at any time, to drive through the night if needs be.

Also, my only option to get to the airport would be a taxi if I couldn’t drive as train times are too restrictive.

My overbearing view of trains is cold, uncomfortable, smelly and generally unpleasant. I’ve had to use them a LOT for work, and I always dread it. The pendolinos are a bit better, but you only get those for certain journeys. Anything cross country or fairly local and you end up on a shoddy cattle wagon with one toilet, which is inevitably out of order, leant against a wet, condensation covered window, with your knees pressed uncomfortably into the seat in front. Sometimes with a concerning smell of sick in the air where you hope it’s not down the side of your seat (yep, that happened to me on a virgin train! 🤮) so unhygienic. Especially when you want to eat your food and pull down the tray that’s never seen disinfectant since the carriage came into service.

Nothing could ever convince me that public transport is in any way superior to having a car. And my car doesn’t preclude me from using a train if I want to. It’s very telling that I never do! If it was so great, I’d choose them every time surely.