Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

The obvious explanation, which should be easy to understand, is money. Driving lessons are expensive.

I was saving up for driving lessons, but the money ended up going in the house deposit pot. Then we had a wedding to organise & pay for. Then we planned to have DC, so saved to cover maternity leave, which was spent when I had DS.

And then other things took priority, which I suppose is a choice to some extent, but most of our savings went on a new roof and a new boiler both of which were necessary.

If OP needs it in the future then she can learn, that's what I did.

It might have been different for me if I was lucky enough to have family members able to afford driving lessons when I was younger but that wasn't the case and then it didn't feel necessary for a long time, then it did and I passed first time around.

Johnny big wallet nobody is a failure in life. Driving isn't the best all and end all

Plenty of hills around here. With little traffic I select a low gear and plod up on the odd occasion that I have a heavy load. If I was taking heavy loads regularly (or when I'm too old for the hills) then I'll go for electric assistance. Busier roads are a problem, there's one nasty hill on a single carriageway A road. I avoid whenever possible, usually on the train (though no trailer allowed) or by using the back lanes. I do lobby for an active travel route along this road.

And no, I don't fucking ask for fucking lifts "all of the time". I am sick and tired of this generalisation which has been written through this thread like a stick of seaside rock. You know some CFs. That doesn't mean that everyone who chooses not to drive is one. I can't remember the last time that I asked for, or hinted that I might want a lift. I was offered one by a friend to get back from rural Lancashire the other week but I turned it down because I enjoy not travelling in a car. A group of friends have a Saturday meet-up in one of their gardens. I go when my shifts allow. Obviously I tell the host that I'm going, but I don't mention it to the others because they kept offering me lifts and I didn't want them (except for that one time that I had a broken toe, but I don't think that I'd have been safe to drive in flip-flops either). Eventually they seem to have got the message that I am perfectly independant without a car. It's patronising to be constantly offered lifts that I don't need.

@prelovedusername (or anyone else), I'm up for this game too, stick a in a part of a map that you think that I couldn't get to and challenge me.

Yorkshire Moors? I've used a combination of train, bus and steam train to get there. Enormous fun. Obviously that was a specific part of the National Park, but I doubt that there's anywhere I couldn't get to with some initiative. I can see the Snowdonia National Park from my garden and there isn't a village, lake or mountain that I wouldn't be able to access with some combination of public transport and bike.

To make this a worthwhile exercise, you need to include how long it will take, based on real tinetables (evidence required), not forgetting wait times between each leg and how far you need to walk to and between eg train station and bus stops. I often use public transport even though I drive, but sometimes don’t because I’d have an hour to wait between stages which quickly becomes ridiculous.

Then google how long by car from your home and compare.

Places I’ve been to in recent months that you could try:

Stanhope
Bempton Cliffs
Holestone Moor

I’ve chosen those fairly as I know they are not stupidly remote.

That’s a ridiculous statement and not true at all 😂

Its’s simply down to either being a bit smug - or frustration having endured a piss taking non-driver.

I was 38 when I passed my test. Had no intention of ever doing it “never needed to”. But now, I really can’t imagine not driving. I hate it still, but when I was a non-driver, I could not comprehend the freedom it was going to give me.

I was totally with you until this post.

With all due respect, you are 28 years old and have a lot of years in front of you. Things change. Life changes. Situations change.
To deny it could be a limiter is a little naive.
You may not always live where you do.
And it’s not about getting yourself to A&E, but someone you love.

I think where you are in life right now, you are completely right to not run a car.
But to deny you may need to in the future is a bit silly.

Kind of proving my point here because you still hate driving so you're needing to justify why you do it and why non drivers are wrong.

(By the way I passed my test in my early 20s and I used to drive so I've been on both sides)

I didn’t drive until my late 30s - had lived in central London so never needed to. When I got to a point where I did, I learned. It’s as simple as that, surely!

@OMGitsnotgood

I'll play for Bempton Cliffs as I was in the area this summer.
There is a train every 30 mins to Bempton. Mile walk to the reserve.

I passed my test at 24 years old and I know that driving was the right choice for me. I was moving an hour away from my parents, needed a car for work and it just made sense for me to learn to drive. I couldn’t be without my car now especially with having children I just find it easier to pop them in the car than worry about buses or trains.

That being said, I don’t think it is a skill that everyone has to learn. If you don’t want to drive, so what? If you are capable of getting yourself from a to b why does anyone else need to get involved? It is really judgemental of them

The ONLY reason it annoyed me is when a non driver friend constantly expected lifts from me, never said thanks then would complain about drivers and say it’s a waste of money, too much fuel etc. She was happy to ask me to come out of my way constantly to go and pick her up but then would smuggly moan about people having to own cars. I know most non drivers are not like this

The only place I've ever encountered genuine shock/judgement/borderline anger about my inability to drive is Mumsnet, in fact

I do drive, as do my young adult children. But I find the anger and shock about people not driving on Mumsnet really quite amusing. Some people look down on it, one person described it as ‘surreal’. I think these people need to get out more! Maybe on a bus ;-)

How do they cope when visiting foreign cities I wonder? Collapse at the sight of the NY subway? Cower at the prospect of the Paris metro?!

People do what suits them. In London a lot of days I don’t drive. I consider myself fitter from going up and down tube stairs. I like public transport and car journeys often take longer. Of course in other places the opposite is true.

As long as someone is not asking for lots of lifts, I do not see the issue at all. What a weird little criterion to judge people on!

MN is the only place that fools are essentially clamouring for more cars on the road!

I think I must be going mad as I cannot understand why people can't see that moving somewhere where you need to drive is also limiting as you may not be able to in the future.

"I've asked several times what drivers plan to do when they can no longer drive - not one has given any ideas yet!"

Because it wasn't a thread asking what other people do. It was asking why people are judging you. If you want to know that, you'd have been better off starting your own thread aimed at drivers who became non-drivers and how they made the transition.
I suspect you're getting all confrontational because you can see you're in the minority in your opinion and you don't like it. I'm puzzled as to why you're getting all offended, when you weren't even the OP. If you don't like a thread. Stay out.

But as you seem so desperately keen to know... If/when I decide to stop driving, I live in a large town with a pretty decent bus network. Taxis/ubers are also a thing, as is online delivery. I assume those are all things you do, so why so offended?
If I decided, or was forced to stop imminently, it would be very difficult for me to do my job. Difficult but not impossible.

Anyway, I won't be wasting any more time on replying to you.

You may not need it now but its likely you will at some point.

And it’s also likely you won’t. Some act as if no one has ever gotten through life without having to drive.

People keep bringing up the non-drivers they know who sound unreasonable and are cheeky yet I bet these same people have form in other ways and if they bother you so much, cause so much unnecessary angst then drop them. Not all non-drivers who can’t or choose not to are like these people.

I think it is ridiculous to choose to live somewhere where you have to drive when you don’t want to and need to rely on other people hence why I would never live somewhere like that myself.

So many drivers moan about too many cars, traffic, road works, having to be their kids’ chauffeur, too many bad drivers, slow drivers, anxious driver, distracted drivers, people having too many cars, people parking to close to their car, how expensive gas and maintenance, etc yet want to also judge non- who don’t effect them whatsoever. Surely, you would want less people on the road, not more.

Some say it is a privilege to choose to be able to live somewhere where there is good/great infrastructure yet ignore that driving itself is a privilege and not everyone can afford it or are able to. In both scenarios, it is really about money and how one chooses to spend theirs.

Stanhope would be six hours according to Google Maps - cycle to my local station, a series of trains to Durham, then an hour on the bus. No overly-long connections - actually Google Maps gives me only four minutes at York which is tighter than I would prefer, I've just remembered that Huddersfield is closed at the moment so there is a temporary timetable. Car by comparison would be four hours - the sort of distance that I wouldn't really consider a "day trip" and wouldn't want to drive even if I had a car, it would be too exhausting.

Bempton is a similar journey on Google Maps - just with no need for buses. Six hours by train (and walk to the RSPB reserve), four by car. Again, even back when I had a car I would have chosen the train for this.

Holestone Moor is 40 minutes from Matlock by bike, so the total journey would be 4h 20 including the cycle to my station and a combination of trains to Matlock. Car directions say 2hr 30. The ability to do other things on the train (including sleep) means that I still would use it, despite the time differential.

Of course there's another issue with driving to National Parks - parking. The local garages have a thriving business with their tow trucks on bank holiday weekeds. Not an issue if you arrived by bus, not to mention the added benefit of being able to do a point-to-point hike without having to return to your own car, you can cross to the next valley instead and catch a Sherpa bus from there instead.
www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/local-news/dozens-walkers-parked-snowdonia-beauty-28927434

I have so much to say on this topic. I hear the OP

Because it wasn't a thread asking what other people do.

@zingally yet it has filled up with "well I absolutely have to drive to get out of my rural village" even though it's completely irrelevant to the OP.

I live in a village in Yorkshire. I have been followed twice while walking in the dark. I also have a 'stalker' (police actually class the crime as stalking) in the form of someone who calls me and does sexual noises, it has been going on for years.
The village is too small to feature on the UK crime map and adjoining towns have low crime rates. Not a dangerous area on paper at all.

I still won't risk it.

The road to the pub(as an example) has one lampost and is pitch black at night with various little paths off it (lots of hiding places for anyone with ill-intent). So yes, lots of dark areas around where I live.

@floraldreamer sorry that sounds scary. Totally understand why wouldn't want to walk at night.
I cycle back if I'm out at night in the city as I feel safer than walking home and more convenient than PT. But this is with good infrastructure and street lighting, not in dark country lanes which would be too risky.

I think the safety issue is overplayed. A lot of the difficulties people get into with water involve things like rip tides and adverse weather conditions where even the strongest swimmer would have little chance of survival, particularly in very cold water. Non swimming adults stay well away from water. You won't see them wandering round a hotel swimming pool at night when it's unsupervised. Having said that it's a good skill to learn because it's a form of exercise that can still be done into old age.