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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments because I don’t drive

563 replies

Waolom · 14/09/2025 18:40

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 21:33

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 09:31

Most places have a train station no? I went to rural Cornwall by train and bus. There was one place where we had to pre-book a taxi because the bus was once per day and was too early for us. And one night where we had to walk back in the dark about 20 mins. It was nice getting local transport! You just have to be organised and research.

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Actually, no. Vast areas of Scotland don't. Most of rural Northumberland doesn't.

Abracadabra12345 · 15/09/2025 21:34

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 21:31

I love researching how to get to places via public transport with just little bits by taxi ( pre-booked if need be)

Same. I got around Scotland using the train and ferry, leaving from Oxfordshire. Went to Edinburgh, Tarbet to see Loch Lomond, Fort William, Glasgow, Dunoon on my own for four days with a backpack. I planned out my journey in advanced and it was amazing. Scotland is a beautiful country by train. Loved going through the Highlands.

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You sound like me!

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 21:39

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 21:31

I love researching how to get to places via public transport with just little bits by taxi ( pre-booked if need be)

Same. I got around Scotland using the train and ferry, leaving from Oxfordshire. Went to Edinburgh, Tarbet to see Loch Lomond, Fort William, Glasgow, Dunoon on my own for four days with a backpack. I planned out my journey in advanced and it was amazing. Scotland is a beautiful country by train. Loved going through the Highlands.

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I love travelling by train. We did the Inverness to Kyle of Lochalsh journey earlier this year. The weather was beautiful, and the broom and gorse were in flower. The bright blue sky and yellow of the flowers reminded of the Ukraine flag.

DdraigGoch · 15/09/2025 21:41

RhaenysRocks · 15/09/2025 06:54

To the non drivers..can I ask how you manage your life so that you can go to the gym before work on an industrial estate, go up B&Q and get X bulky item, use your lunch hour to pick up a prescription from CAMHS (you have to go.in person) and take it to several pharmacies until you find one that has stock, take child a to football and child b to rugby twenty minutes drive apart, get to the other side of town after work before shop closes at 6?

I'm not being snarky but that's typical day for me that would be impossible without a car. Everything is within three miles but it would take far too long to walk or even cycle to get it all done. I can only assume that you just don't organise things so only one child does a hobby that day, get things delivered or something but CAMHS isn't open on weekends. Obviously that's just one example but I really can't see how my life would "work" without major infrastructure changes from scratch.

If one uses a bicycle trailer (no electric assistance) to pick up a sack of spuds or a couple of bags of cement then leg day at the gym can be skipped. Anything seriously bulky can be delivered - and I'd have had that delivered even in the days when I had a car.

Notagain75 · 15/09/2025 21:44

Jonnybigwallet · 15/09/2025 17:14

Anybody who does not drive is a failure in life and does not deserve to have a friend or partner...

I have read some ridiculous things on Mumsnet but I think this must definitely be the most ridiculous.

RhaenysRocks · 15/09/2025 21:45

DdraigGoch · 15/09/2025 21:41

If one uses a bicycle trailer (no electric assistance) to pick up a sack of spuds or a couple of bags of cement then leg day at the gym can be skipped. Anything seriously bulky can be delivered - and I'd have had that delivered even in the days when I had a car.

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I live in an area with a lot of very steep hills. Cyclists are not especially common. The problem with these threads is that no two places are the same..what is perfectly reasonable in one area just simply isn't in another. There is no right or wrong in terms of what ought to be possible. The only constant is that if you CHOOSE not to drive you should be virtue signalling about it if you then ask for lifts all the time.

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 21:56

Can you drive or not OP? Your post is unclear, it says you 'don't' drove not 'can't' drive. And then people going on about you not driving, is it going on that you can't or don't drive? If its people going on about the fact you can't drive (if that's the case) just tell them you can drive to shut them up.
Say you can drive but don't want a car for whatever reason. Maybe that'll shut them up.

Rachie1973 · 15/09/2025 22:04

OriginalUsername2 · 15/09/2025 01:34

Or she could just learn if and when the need comes along?

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That’s what I did. Never needed to drive, lived in a great public transport area.

Moved rurally and was happy to use taxis and have shopping delivered but DH went on and on and on about it because we had a car available to me when he got a motability one so I decided to have a go to shut him up. Didn’t think I’d
manage it at 53.

Bizarrely I was ok and passed my test in April, first time lol. I was a bit shocked!

I do drive but I don’t think I’d have missed it if I hadn’t bothered.

Original poster
Waolom · 15/09/2025 22:05

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 21:56

Can you drive or not OP? Your post is unclear, it says you 'don't' drove not 'can't' drive. And then people going on about you not driving, is it going on that you can't or don't drive? If its people going on about the fact you can't drive (if that's the case) just tell them you can drive to shut them up.
Say you can drive but don't want a car for whatever reason. Maybe that'll shut them up.

No I can’t drive.

OP posts:
FunMustard · 15/09/2025 22:12

Baffling that people - on this thread no less - seem to like to make up little scenarios in their head to try and make you "change your mind".

Does driving make life easier? Sure. Is it necessary? Of course not. My husband doesn't drive. Neither did his mum. His dad does. His grandparents and uncle don't. They have lived in cities their entire lives, they get buses and trains and coaches and travel in Europe.

I drive. It's helpful. It does offer freedom - for example - to get to the place I like to exercise at in 20 minutes instead of an hour. I'd probably not do that if I had to get a bus. I'd never ever move to a rural area, especially not if I couldn't drive. But I managed without a car when I had my babies - three in 3 years! - which was tricky but not impossible (obvs.).

JohnTheRevelator · 15/09/2025 22:13

You do know that the Mumsnet is the last place that you should be admitting that you don't drive? The nasty,judgemental attitude I have witnessed towards non-drivers on here is unreal.

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 22:18

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 21:39

I love travelling by train. We did the Inverness to Kyle of Lochalsh journey earlier this year. The weather was beautiful, and the broom and gorse were in flower. The bright blue sky and yellow of the flowers reminded of the Ukraine flag.

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I’ll have to look that up. Thinking of heading up again next month and I haven’t done that part of Scotland yet. Thank you for the idea. 🙂

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 22:24

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 18:43

@Kirbert2 I know what you mean. It's warped and nastily twisted.

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Actually as a driver offering lifts, in certain circumstances, even if inconvenient and you don't want to do it, 100% is the right thing to do. Example, I pick up my teenage kid from somewhere, their friend has to walk two miles home in the rain on country lanes. You offer the other kid a lift. Of course you do, what sort of twat would you have to be to just drive off and leave them.. Or you go on a night out with a friend, it would take her over an hour for her to get home on PT (in the rain) or I could take ten minutes to drive her, of course you offer her a lift. I drove a friend to a hospital appointment last week (she asked me to) took an afternoon off work to do so. Was it inconvenient for me? Absolutely yes it was, but it was the right thing to do, I don't regret or begrudge her and 100% she would do the same for me if I needed it and she could.

Ted27 · 15/09/2025 22:25

@JohnTheRevelator

I think i must be the MN lowest of the low.

I don't drive, I can't swim, I don't possess a dishwasher, slow cooker, air fryer or have a utility room.
And horror of horrors, I have a downstairs bathroom.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 22:28

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 22:24

Actually as a driver offering lifts, in certain circumstances, even if inconvenient and you don't want to do it, 100% is the right thing to do. Example, I pick up my teenage kid from somewhere, their friend has to walk two miles home in the rain on country lanes. You offer the other kid a lift. Of course you do, what sort of twat would you have to be to just drive off and leave them.. Or you go on a night out with a friend, it would take her over an hour for her to get home on PT (in the rain) or I could take ten minutes to drive her, of course you offer her a lift. I drove a friend to a hospital appointment last week (she asked me to) took an afternoon off work to do so. Was it inconvenient for me? Absolutely yes it was, but it was the right thing to do, I don't regret or begrudge her and 100% she would do the same for me if I needed it and she could.

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Yes but you don't hope they'll refuse.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 22:29

Ted27 · 15/09/2025 22:25

@JohnTheRevelator

I think i must be the MN lowest of the low.

I don't drive, I can't swim, I don't possess a dishwasher, slow cooker, air fryer or have a utility room.
And horror of horrors, I have a downstairs bathroom.

I'm OK because I have a slow cooker.

NuovaPilbeam · 15/09/2025 22:29

Ted27

Safety wise, i do think learning to swim really is important

XenoBitch · 15/09/2025 22:31

It is only on MN that non-drivers are derided so much.

I used to drive, until I couldn't. I got my motorbike license at 19. No one asks for lifts when you have a bike. Car license in my 30s. People took the piss all the time. I used to walk into the town centre to meet a friend for coffee. She would get the bus there... then walk back to mine with me for a lift home.

I am now a non-driver. I don't even know anyone with a car apart from my mum. I walk everywhere as I can't get buses.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 22:31

Rachie1973 · 15/09/2025 22:04

That’s what I did. Never needed to drive, lived in a great public transport area.

Moved rurally and was happy to use taxis and have shopping delivered but DH went on and on and on about it because we had a car available to me when he got a motability one so I decided to have a go to shut him up. Didn’t think I’d
manage it at 53.

Bizarrely I was ok and passed my test in April, first time lol. I was a bit shocked!

I do drive but I don’t think I’d have missed it if I hadn’t bothered.

Edited
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53? Young. My mum was 57.

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 22:38

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 22:28

Yes but you don't hope they'll refuse.

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I might hope the friend on a night out refuses because then I'd be off the hook and could just go home. I wouldn't hope the kid refuses, even if inconvenient and it would make me late for something else.

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 22:47

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 22:18

I’ll have to look that up. Thinking of heading up again next month and I haven’t done that part of Scotland yet. Thank you for the idea. 🙂

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IMO it is even more scenic than the Settle to Carlisle route.

RampantIvy · 15/09/2025 22:52

I didn't learn to drive until I moved away from London.

DH's family live in the arse end of nowhere, and not having a car is really inconvenient. TBH, it is where we live. We would never have moved here if we didn't drive. DD is still a student and I need to be able to help her every time she moves accommodation.

Fizbosshoes · 15/09/2025 22:55

I drive and I like the (usually more flexible) options having a car gives me.....but i dont think everyone "should" drive and if your life works fine without a car, why would you need/spend money on it if you didnt have to.

When my car was in the garage for a week we managed without...but things took longer and we were more limited where we could go, and had to plan in advance more.

The thing i dont understand is when people who dont have a car/dont drive, move somewhere that is almost impossible to get by without one. I know a few people irl like this - colleague I mentioned earlier, also a friend who was constantly on the beg for a lift. If im going in a similar direction and someone needs a lift then im not a complete cow, I would obviously offer....if it involved an hour detour and I knew they wouldnt even offer petrol money, or buy me a drink, then I was less inclined.

The OP sounds like they live somewhere where they are easily able to get around on foot, or public transport and not a CF about asking for lifts, not sure why its a problem for anyone else if they dont drive?

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 23:19

Kendodd · 15/09/2025 22:24

Actually as a driver offering lifts, in certain circumstances, even if inconvenient and you don't want to do it, 100% is the right thing to do. Example, I pick up my teenage kid from somewhere, their friend has to walk two miles home in the rain on country lanes. You offer the other kid a lift. Of course you do, what sort of twat would you have to be to just drive off and leave them.. Or you go on a night out with a friend, it would take her over an hour for her to get home on PT (in the rain) or I could take ten minutes to drive her, of course you offer her a lift. I drove a friend to a hospital appointment last week (she asked me to) took an afternoon off work to do so. Was it inconvenient for me? Absolutely yes it was, but it was the right thing to do, I don't regret or begrudge her and 100% she would do the same for me if I needed it and she could.

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The difference is that you don't offer but then complain when it's accepted and blame the non driver for not saying no. That's what is bizarre.

Travelfairy · 15/09/2025 23:23

To me, its just a life skill. You may not need it now but its likely you will at some point. In my area, kids cant wait to get driving, often get gifted lessons as Christmas gifts etc
Its like swimming, yes I know that's a life or death scenario (potentially) but to me its second in importance to that.
Like its nit figure shaking or archery or something, its driving a car! I think I'd find it weitd if my kids said they didn't wabt to learn when rhey get a bit older, its a natural progression in my mind....even though a bus stop 1 min walk and train station 20 mins walk. We will (and do ) also use public transport bjt it would never prevent me for mastering a key life skill.
Like I said in previous post my friend and her DH constantly arguing over this now, he says shes lazy not learning and leaving all the taxi driving of kids to him. She is now saying she is too old to learn (she's not) but now almost has a fear or phobia of learning to drive. I wish she would just bite the bullet. It would make her life and marriage happier and more harmonious