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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH for not coming home?

957 replies

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:52

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 14/09/2025 14:53

Is this an "admitted but will be fine" or life changing admission?

Crunchymum · 14/09/2025 14:54

How ill is your DD? Will she improve? I know I'd want to be there for my poorly child but context is important.

Sirzy · 14/09/2025 14:55

How long is she likely to be in? Realistically from Australia it would be 3 or 4 days before he could get back anyway so if she is likely to be home and well on the mend by then then it seems a bit pointless.

Would be nice if he could arrange a call though!

minipie · 14/09/2025 14:57

Depends how serious the illness is tbh

If she is in real danger then YANBU
If she’s not and will be out in a day or two with treatment then YABU

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:58

Sirzy · 14/09/2025 14:55

How long is she likely to be in? Realistically from Australia it would be 3 or 4 days before he could get back anyway so if she is likely to be home and well on the mend by then then it seems a bit pointless.

Would be nice if he could arrange a call though!

She’s going to be in for at least a week we think so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:59

JustFrustrated · 14/09/2025 14:53

Is this an "admitted but will be fine" or life changing admission?

Serious admission. Don’t want to give too much detail on here though so that it’s not identifying but the admission also relates to a chronic illness that DD has.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 14/09/2025 14:59

I think this depends on how ill she is... Australia is hardly a short plane ride away. However,even if he can't, it is absolutely awful that he won't even facetime. He should really make the effort to do that.

Wishing your DD well by the way

VimFuego101 · 14/09/2025 15:00

JustFrustrated · 14/09/2025 14:53

Is this an "admitted but will be fine" or life changing admission?

I think this is key to whether he IBU or not. It would likely take him at least a couple of days to travel back, so if it’s ’admitted but will be fine’, he may not even be home before she’s discharged.

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

OP posts:
whimsicallyprickly · 14/09/2025 15:01

Your husband is in AUSTRALIA

Is your daughter's diagnosis life threatening, might she die?.... or is the diagnosis very distressing but she'll be home on Tuesday?

There is a BIG difference

Bearbookagainandagain · 14/09/2025 15:01

I also think it depends on how serious her condition is (or whether they're other children at home that make it difficult for you to attend hospital for instance).

It's not as black and white as saying he should come straight home because she is in hospital.

Comedycook · 14/09/2025 15:01

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

That is incredibly selfish...I'd be very upset

minipie · 14/09/2025 15:01

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

That’s quite shit

whimsicallyprickly · 14/09/2025 15:02

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

Goodness.

Does he have form for being a selfish shit?

KindLemur · 14/09/2025 15:03

How old your dd ?

whimsicallyprickly · 14/09/2025 15:03

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:59

Serious admission. Don’t want to give too much detail on here though so that it’s not identifying but the admission also relates to a chronic illness that DD has.

Show quote history

So......husband is used to these health problems occurring and being sorted in hospital?

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 15:03

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

Are you sure he's actually out there for work?
Sorry.... but it's a bit of a red flag isn't it

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:04

Bearbookagainandagain · 14/09/2025 15:01

I also think it depends on how serious her condition is (or whether they're other children at home that make it difficult for you to attend hospital for instance).

It's not as black and white as saying he should come straight home because she is in hospital.

Our other DD is currently with my best friend whilst DD2 is in hospital.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 14/09/2025 15:04

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:00

He says he won’t FaceTime because of the time difference and because he needs to rest a lot too because of his busy work schedule whilst out there in Australia apparently.

Is he normally such an uncaring bastard?
because that is horrible

in answer to the question tho if you’re child’s life is threatened then yes he should come home
if she’s ill but being treated and she’ll be ok then he should watch and wait on a decision

BUT I refer back to his refusal to FaceTime - is this unusual or a pattern ?

hope your DD is ok and you do have some support at the moment

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:05

KindLemur · 14/09/2025 15:03

How old your dd ?

DD1 is 3. DD2 (DD who is in hospital) is 7

OP posts:
loobylou10 · 14/09/2025 15:06

Wouldn’t expect him to come home - it’s too far I think. Totally would expect him to FaceTime. Selfish pig.

Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:06

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 15:03

Are you sure he's actually out there for work?
Sorry.... but it's a bit of a red flag isn't it

Show quote history

Yes he is definitely there for work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:07

He’s not usually selfish like this so it’s shocked me

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 14/09/2025 15:08

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:59

Serious admission. Don’t want to give too much detail on here though so that it’s not identifying but the admission also relates to a chronic illness that DD has.

Show quote history

Can you give a similar but not exact example? I'm not sure whether he's BU to not come home all the way from Australia, but he definitely is BU to not even Facetime. Vile!

whatdoidonowffs · 14/09/2025 15:11

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 15:03

Are you sure he's actually out there for work?
Sorry.... but it's a bit of a red flag isn't it

Show quote history

Bit of a leap isn’t it ?