To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

I wouldn't expect him to come back from Australia I was in hospital all the time as a kid the other side of the country so only ever had one parent at a time there as it wasn't practical. I however would expect him to facetime

He won’t FaceTime ,something not right here

The face timing should be a no brainer, even just a phone call. It would take minutes. Flying home depends on lots of other factors.

She won't forget this and neither will you.
Too busy 'resting*' to facetime his child when she is in hospital. WTF?
I'm not usually an LTB poster but I'd be telling him not to bother coming back

• That's probably a euphemism for shagging his colleague.

I can understand why you are upset OP but in his defence, if your daughter has a chronic illness and has regular treatment intervention, I can see his angle.
Not wanting to face time is pretty thoughtless.
As others have said, this is about context. I hope your daughter is better soon.
As you have said, he is normally a good husband and father.

That doesn't mean he's not with another woman.

Sorry OP, but I would be highly suspicious if I were you.

I certainly wouldn’t be providing updates he requested - like you’re his PA.
Is his boss in Australia too?

This. There is a time difference but even if he is on the east coast you can set a time. Your DD will remember - do you have to tell him that?

The not face timing definitely doesn't pass the sniff test here OP.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else. 😞 x.

I honestly wouldn't be concerned at the not flying home. Saying that, I had dh in the military and so used to dealing with things alone and not expecting more so my view is probably a little off. Whilst serious enough to be in hospital though, but not life threatening, I would probably still handle it alone. But..and this is a big but, my dh would have done everything in his power to face time me, even from operational tours if our dc was sick.
I'd find lack of calls disconcerting whether there's a sick child or not. I think there is something much deeper going in your marriage. That being said, if that is his line and he's sticking to it then I would turn all my focus onto dc whilst unwell. I'd be inclined not even to update via message. When your dc is discharged and on the mend, then consider your next move and how you address what is, at minimum, such selfish behaviour. This is not how a partnership works. This is not the act of a caring father or husband.
I hope your dd gets better very soon.

This does NOT mean he is shagging a colleague.

The fact that he won’t FaceTime absolutely stinks op. He’s too busy “resting”? I call bullshit. He’s lying.

Yeah, I’m quite sure he’s travelled around 10,000 miles, at his own expense, to cheat on his wife 🙄

Your husband is being a total prick. No matter how ‘tired / busy’ he is / claims to be, a video call is the least you should expect. How on earth he expects to just rock home two weeks later beggars belief. I can understand not rushing home if this is manageable (albeit scary), but a video a few times a day, and proactively caring, sorting out what he can… that’s a diff matter. I assume he hasn’t been working on the weekend- what has contact been like the last couple days?

Its a chronic condition that means a weeks hospital visit. Not life and death.
No I wouldn't expect dh to come home from Australia when on a work trip.

Had similar with own dc with dh working away when they were young. I worked out contingency plans with friends and parents flyong out to help out if needed (short flight away)

He could easily be sleeping with a colleague, or someone he's met out there.

Why would he not FaceTime his DD in hospital unless he has something to hide?

Well, that makes it difficult to advise.
How old is she?

OP says she's 7 and that their 3 year old is having to stay with a friend.

If he had something to hide, wouldn’t he be making a better attempt at hiding it, by acting normally?

He is utterly unreasonable not to facetime at least. I would be very upset, he sounds awful.
But you are majorly unreasonable to expect him to fly back if it is not life altering.

I'd be livid if this was my DH.

Having child in hospital (been there,
got several t-shirts) is stressful even when there are two of you. Our DD averages 5 day stays so that's a long time to be with an unwell child.

You must be exhausted with it all, and then with your other DC being with a friend as well...your DH is being incredibly unfair to you all.

He should absolutely approach management in these circumstances; as a manager, I'd be getting him home as quickly as I could to be with his family.

Not Facetiming because he needs to rest...what a twat.

I’m sure it’s entirely possible to be shagging a colleague but still find time to FaceTime - the two activities have nothing to do with each other. The OP has said nothing to suggest cheating, and it’s frustrating for the thread to go off at a tangent

Because mem having affairs don't tend to care about their children.

If she is only in for, probably, a week, then it's not serious and there is absolutely no way I'd be expecting him to come all the way back from Australia - that's ridiculous. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have told him about it until he got back. Sometimes it just isn't sensible or practical for a person to drop everything.

Thank you, I missed that update.