To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

I can sort of understand him not coming home, but there is absolutely no excuse for not FaceTiming with her. That's awful.

DH travels to the other side of the world for work regularly and has never tried anything like that, despite working very long days (15-18hr) when away.

That's interesting that he won't Face Time
🤔

I'd be really concerned as to why he isn't willing to facetime but can take voice calls

Another thought, he won’t FT as he needs rest? There will be a time like 10am uk time that he can FT

is he where he says he is with who he says he’s with? 🤔

I don't think I could continue a relationship with a man who couldn't be arsed to FaceTime his hospitalised young daughter. It's so incredibly cold and unreasonable of him, and so ridiculous to say he's either working or resting and there's no time at all that he could make available for a FaceTime.
At least you now know full well where his priorities lie...
Are you certain he is actually working in Australia and isn't somewhere else, or leading a double life etc? It's so bizarre not to WANT to FaceTime his daughter when she's in hospital.

This is what I'm thinking
But apparently it was 'a leap' 🙄

If it's to do with a chronic illness she has, then presumably it's something that has happened before? And she was alright?

It also depends on how long he'll be there for.

If it was life threatening then he should come back. But otherwise it's so far away, and he could risk his job/career.

This is making me think he’s saying somewhere he shouldn’t be. I can’t think of any reason someone who could voice call wouldn’t video call their sick child. Except for bad reasons.

Sorry OP.

Up until this I was on the fence, as without more detail about the reason for the admission or the likely outcome it's hard to say whether flying back from Australia would be helpful.

The time difference can be inconvenient but workable, and not wanting to do a facetime because he needs to rest is completely ridiculous.

Something doesn’t add up! Hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery. And I Hope you get to the bottom of whatever your husband is doing! He’s clearly showed his priorities and it’s not you or your daughter ! Sorry op. You both deserve better xx

Can you get a friend to call his work and request to speak to him? See Al what they say? If they say 'sorry he is working in Australia' then fine. If they say 'sorry he is on annual leave then.....'

Regardless if he should come home, I’m concerned with the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to have any contact with you whilst away….
If I was it was me and my child was in hospital and I was having to rely on a friend to have our other child I would want my husband to say he’d try and shorten the trip/talk to his boss about departing early, is he essential to whatever the project is over there, will it affect his job if he doesn’t stay? Without knowing the full situation it’s tricky, if you are heavily reliant on his wage and he would lose his job by departing early it doesn’t make sense for him leave early if you’ve got everything covered and your DD is not seriously unwell.
If he’s not essential to the project, you can manage without his wage then I would be expecting him to realise he should be at home.
I don’t understand the not face timing because he needs his rest… surely he understands that you will be getting minimal sleep and your stress levels must be through the roof!
He can be supportive whilst still being away, FaceTiming etc and I think he’s being totally selfish by being away and washing his hands of the whole thing. I’m not sure I’d easily forgive it tbh

Can understand him being reluctant to come home but to not facetime is really not OK.

He is definitely in Australia for work and I’ve confirmed that too.

Agreed. Also as the wife I wouldn’t be asking him to come home either. I’d tell him stay out there for the moment and il keep you informed of the condition changes. But for now may as well stay where you are.

That’s odd. Why is he choosing not to answer FaceTime calls?

My boss is having to understand that I’m not able to work at the moment while DD is in hospital so I’m sure his boss could understand that he needs to come home early! That’s another thing that’s made me angry as DH says he hasn’t even asked his boss!

I wouldn’t be worried he’s not at work. I’d be worried that outside work hours he’s staying somewhere/with someone he shouldn’t. Why else can he talk but no video?

Not FaceTiming is a big red flag …when my ex refused to FaceTime it was because he was on holiday with OW…..

The rather big difference being you are in the UK and he is in Australia..

Maybe you should ask his boss?

He’s answered 2 voice calls whilst he’s been in Australia and the rest of our conversations have been by text/message.

Convenient

Has he not spoken to your DD once since she's been admitted?

OP says her child will be in hospital for at least a week and DH won’t even face time his daughter.