To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

This! I’m angry at my DH for not even trying to get back home for DD.

Going home early or not is a judgement call and it's hard to say it's unreasonable without knowing everything that went into the decision. However, in his place I'd definitely be wishing I could be home and wanting my daughter to know that and spending all of my downtime worried about her and trying to see what I can do to help. Refusing to face time (or similar) because of the time difference is kind of shockingly mean especially as she is ASKING for him!!

The time difference is 7 - 9 hours (ahead for him) - manageable in various ways as his whole afternoon and evening will be normal daytime hours for her and it's unlikely that he isn't getting any kind of breaks while he's working. He can FaceTime (or call) from wherever, set the background to default if needed. Is he at least regularly communicating with her via email or something like that?

Also, in his boss's place - and I have been there - I can't imagine telling him he can't go home if he asks or punishing him for it after the fact. I'm not sure if he's worried about letting down his company or if he's worried he'll be passed over for future assignments/promotions or sidelined if he doesn't put everything aside for the good of the company, but most people don't hold such rigid views (anymore).

Sorry crossed posts. Something is definitely on if he has done only 2 voice calls and not one video.

No. OP works but she has had to ask her boss for time off to be with their daughter in hospital.

They are saying she “could” be discharged within a week but it also could be longer. That was after I asked them if they had any idea how long she could be in for.

Is he in Perth @Coffeeoftheworld? I’m happy to make a sign first thing and picket the footpath outside his hotel or work foyer (which would be better as everyone would see it) saying “so and so, ring your boss”.

I don’t understand the refusal to face time either.

Do you trust him?

He won’t even call her? That’s disgusting. Poor DD. He’s still a parent no matter where in the world he is. I’d be reconsidering my relationship with him.

Once on a voice call on Friday night and that’s it. His other voice call with me whilst he has been in Australia was before she was admitted to hospital.

He will now only speak by message/text and not FaceTime or calls he has said as he’s “very busy working and also need time to rest when not working” (his words)!

He usually speaks by calls and message when he’s away for work but not always FaceTime.

I would not be expecting him to fly back but the FaceTime thing is not on.

Given that he's in Australia, I understand the not coming back if the hospital admission isn't life threatening but the refusal to FaceTime is awful.

I wouldn't be worried by him not coming back from Australia, as its not critical.

I would be massively concerned by his refusal to FaceTime.

I can understand him not flying home from Australia as it would be a very long trip, but refusing phone calls and video calls is utterly bizarre.

I dont blame you for being angry. It does sound like he's not that bothered about either of you. Serious lack of concern on his part.

Do his work trips include colleagues?

Is his Boss a woman? Hence the not asking excuse

I agree with this

I would not expect him to come home, it’s horrible when your DCs are ill and bad enough for hospital when your use to working as a team, I’ve been there when DH has been overseas.

You know it’s related to her chronic illness but not life threatening, if it was then I’d expect him on the first flight home. However I could see the difficulties he’s facing, his employer would have paid a lot to send him there, there will be other people in Australia who have accommodated his visit and quite often business trips are not 9-5 days, there could be all sorts of meetings and events planned at various times.

My biggest issue would be the FaceTiming. My DH works away a lot, it dosnt matter how tired he is he will wake up in the middle of night just to say good morning to my DDs, they are allowed to wake him when they get up regardless of time and he will always make 10 mins available at a time that appropriate to ask how they are to say good night. This is where your DH is out of order.

He needs rest? Is he fucking 90? What on earth is his job that hes so exhausted that he cant answer a call from his wife and hospitalised child? When are you getting a rest?? You have the energy to call when you are literally dealing with a very poorly child, and a toddler. He is a selfish, selfish shit and regardless of him not coming home, I'd not be able to forgive him for his 'rest" comments. Tear him a fucking new one. No in fact, let one of us write a message for you

Yes. His line manager is a mother too so I’m fairly sure she’d understand.

I would rush back in this scenario, yes. I know with great certainty that DH would not. I also know with great certainty that it would be me that my DC would want. I don’t think they would even ask for him.

I wouldn't expect him to come home, but 100% he should FaceTime her.

I can't think of a single reason not to.

I think it's wrong that he won't facetime and he needs to do this.
I don't think he should end his trip though unless it reaches the point DD is on life support and they are asking people to come in and say their goodbyes.

Something about this seems very off. I can’t work out what it is.

either she’s not that seriously sick so he is brushing it aside as he’s busy , or he’s not where he says he is.

honestly the not FaceTimeing is so weird. What’s a five minute video with your kid ?

are you absolutely sure he is where he says he is?

im a bit of a sod sometimes, I would be tempted to ring his boss and say you had been trying to ring him but cant get through and the child is in hospital, just to see if he’s actually at work!

I can understand not coming back if your DD will be okay but his refusal to FaceTime Time is selfish and very suspicious. Poor lamb needs to "rest", when does he think you get to rest with your child in hospital?

There's something very wrong about this.

This