To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

@Coffeeoftheworld Wishing your dear daughter a fast recovery 💐

I’ve got a sister who lives in Adelaide & a niece that lives in Perth. We talk at least once a week on FaceTime, that’s really shitty behaviour & I would be having strong words with your husband over this!

Has this happened before with her being chronically ill ? It sounds like he is basing this on previous experience and knows it’s not urgent as such

Surprised at the replies. If my child was in hospital I don't care where in the world I am, I'd be coming home. My DH and I wouldn't be putting work before our child. He would also come home.

I honestly don't think I could forgive this. I hope your daughter is OK and that you have support elsewhere.

She has been admitted to hospital before but this appears to be a bit more serious although not life threatening and they are saying she “could” be out of hospital within a week but possibly a bit longer.

Not really.... it was just a thought with regard to not wanting to FT his ill daughter

If my son had been admitted to hospital and my DH was trying to manage that situation and look after another child, you'd have to fight to keep me off of a plane.

How many women on here would honestly not rush back?

I wouldn’t expect him to come home from Australia, no.

I would however expect him to FaceTime; it’s not exactly a hardship for him, given you’re doing the hard yards at home, while he is by himself, albeit working (though presumably he has evenings to rest and nights to sleep). This is the bit I would be cross about.

Recently I had to get in touch with a bank based in Sydney. I went on their chat option first thing in the morning or late at night. Currently Sydney is 9 hours ahead and Perth 7 hours. So wherever he is a call is perfectly possible at reasonable times. I suggest you tell him to call at his supper time and that will be the morning for your daughter. It’s unacceptable for him to say he needs to rest. How much rest are you getting?? Hope she’s well soon.

I can see that coming back is not practical when he is working in Australia. And, to be fair, if there is talk about her being discharged then it doesn’t sound life or death. However he is totally unreasonable in that he says he can’t FaceTime because he needs his rest. I would stop messaging or giving any updates at all. Let him wonder what’s happening.

That's VERY shit!

I'm not sure he's being unreasonable to not come back.
However he is being VU and selfish to not video call every day. I'm shocked at that!

He could easily call at a reasonable time. It doesn't have to be 3am. Australia is not that massive a time distance!

He says he can’t FaceTime in the evenings in Australia because he’s either “still working or resting”! I’m so angry with him and DD keeps asking for him too.

I wouldn’t expect my husband to come home unless it was life or death.

Unfortunately some chronic illnesses will require frequent stays in hospital and life does need to go on …

honestly. The hospital admission doesn’t sound serious and in need of your husband. I would t expect him to return home for anything less than serious life changing/ending. But. Not FaceTiming or offering any remote love and support to either of you is grim. I’d struggle to get past that. Are you sure there’s nothing else going on. What was his plans for keeping in touch prior to this. My husband FT‘s whenever he is away for work, multiple times a day. He misses me and kids. What was his plan? Does he not want to know what’s going on and want to see you regardless?

He’s being a complete tit and he needs to get his arse home.

There will be a ton of posters on here telling you that you should just soldier on and you’re being ridiculous for even asking him to come home.

You’re not.

He's letting you down and he’s letting his kids down.

I can understand him not coming home from Australia unless she was critical and didn't have a good prognosis.

The face time reason is not on at all.

Wouldn't expect him to come back given what you've said but would expect him to Facetiime.

You must insist that he facetimes. Call him via video and keep doing it till he picks up. As people mention above, there is a reasonable window when you can catch him whilst he's awake.

That's pretty awful of him. Surely he is worried about your daughter, even if she has been in hospital before? As for resting, I wouldn't be able to rest or sleep properly if I knew that I was thousands of miles away from my poorly child in hospital. He sounds very callous and self-centred.

I can understand the not wanting to come home if there is talk of a discharge, but the not face timing is dreadful. Pretty unforgivable actually.
I hope she gets well soon.

Re FaceTiming - yanbu, he’s being a dick.

Expecting him to come home from the other side of the world when it’s not life threatening and she’ll be out in a few days - yabu

You are being extremely unreasonable.
i mean if she’s on deaths door of course he’d be home but my guess is she’s not and you omit what’s wrong cause she’s going to make a full speedy recovery.
Also, what exactly is it you want him to do about the time difference?

i hope your daughter gets better soon x

I have tried to FaceTime him a few times and he’s not answering FaceTime calls but will answer voice calls on WhatsApp.

I disagree... OP's ill DD watching her Mum get more upset and frustrated by the minute with every call that goes unanswered
OP needs to conserve her energy and prioritise her child, not her selfish arsehole of a 'DH'

YABU.
Does his job only keep the whole family?