To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

OP I feel for you, but no. Not realistic. And probably can't be explained to you in words the toll it would take as you haven't experienced it. Even for a healthy 30 year old it's extremely exhausting.

Have you looked into becoming a foster carer? Always desperately needed.

I think adopting or fostering an older child is a more realistic option.

I'm 52 and no way would I put myself through that now.

When I had a child at 31 at no point did I consider the child. I just assumed I could give them a good life. It was predominantly what I wanted. I feel very differently now.

When I was 32, I donated eggs ('Altruistically' - I wasn't egg sharing). During the counselling part I found I had quite strong feelings about donating to a woman past the age she could realistically be expected to concieve naturally(43/44). I brought that up and stated clearly that I wouldn't consent to that.

Would it not be better all around for you to adopt an older child? A 7-11 year old maybe? Not only will you be the same sort of age as some other parents at school, you could make a huge difference in a child's life at a key stage where they've already been overlooked

A child isn’t a substitute for a bloke. And if you put having a child on hold as you got with a guy, then it was never your priority.

Geez, I don't know if you're brave or a crazy lady!

I'm 54, my DCs are late 20s. I've just had an afternoon nap with my dog. Looking after her is exhausting enough and she's an old lady at 9yrs!

I do understand the urge for children, but, in the kindest way possible, unless you're an elite Olympian athlete with the stamina of a toddler who has eaten a bag of Haribo and drunk a litre of Ribena, I wouldn't recommend having a baby now. Could you volunteer or get a job with children? Or look at fostering older children who need support, encouragement and a stable home?

I'm sure you have all the empathy, understanding, love and care for a child in need. And patience! It's just the energy bit...urgh...!

Selfish imo

Why have you left it so late, you say you always wanted a child?
whether you’re single or not, and have been in long term relationships, surely you would’ve seriously thought this through before……
I’m sorry to say but it’s really not a good idea at all.
you have no experience at raising a child…..it most certainly won’t be easier now than when you were younger, years ago…….
Please take off the rose tinted glasses…..it’s f’ing hard work…

Main issue I see is that your child would be 20 when you are 73. I think there should be some kind of backup in place (i.e. someone else who can help your child) if you become unwell or if something happens to you.

I know somebody (single) who had a baby through IVF aged 50. She's happy but it's not been at all easy, she is not a super healthy person in general and I seriously worry for her child should anything happen to her mother as there aren't other people around to help. Kindly, while I absolutely do understand and sympathise with the urge for children, as a similar age myself and childless, something that took time to process, I believe having a child now would be a very selfish move.

Pls adopt. The child wouldnt be biologically yours or a partners so you could help feel and give love without the strain / risks of pregnancy

@DrenchSal I am 65 and still working in a demanding job, full-time. My children are grown up. I cannot begin to explain how much more tired I get at 65 than I did at 62.

You would be having this child aged 54. You will be 65 when they go to secondary school. 67/8 when the parties start and the the late night pick-ups and the bigger worries of where they are/who they are with. When they go to uni aged 18, you'll be over 70. Possibly a four hour drive to collect them and pack and then a four hour drive home. When they are in their 30s and have babies, you will not be able to help them. You may need looking after or, you may have died by then.

I think you need to be a little more pragmatic and logical. At this stage, perhaps a puppy or a couple of kittens would be a more sensible option.

I think 50 is too old to have a baby, it’s exhausting and I should imagine comes with a lot of health risks.
Also (I dont admit to this a lot) I had my first at 19, single and the result of a one night stand.
Although my son has turned out to be a man I am extremely proud of my way of thinking 25 years ago… It will be fine, he doesn’t need a dad, I can do it alone has had an effect on my son. It was selfish of me to think this way, it was all about what I wanted without much regard to how it might affect my son one day.. It does affect him and I’ll always carry the shame that he come into the world under such self centred circumstances.

Having children was the best thing thats ever happened to me.
People will always disagree, have an opinion etc
Go for it if you can afford to and can offer a child a good life!
Its exhausting but so rewarding so do make sure you have some support as it'll make life so much easier.
If its not successful then explore other options such as adoption maybe?

43, yes. 53? No, absolutely not! You'd be putting both your own health and the health of any potential child at risk, not to mention the heartache if it doesn't work. How many times would you be prepared to go through it? And how old might you be when you end up having a successful pregnancy? It's not fair to either you or the child.

@DrenchSal if the likelihood of pregnancy happening naturally is a hard no then it is a big big no from me! you would be absolutely crazy and cruel to go down this road!! remember, once you hit 60 odd old age starts to arrive and it does not come alone!! it comes with all its friends! cancer, dementia, alzheimers, osteoarthritis etc etc not to mention the embarassment of a small child having to explain to all the other kids in their class why their mum is ancient. they will be ridiculed. kids are cruel! very selfish if you ask me!

I’m ten years younger than you and find my teens tiring at times. Baby in forties is doable for many but when you are 50’s I don’t think it’s fair on the child.

I don’t personally know anyone who has had a child at that age so can’t comment on any real life experiences. However, I would say OP that I’m 55 and compared to being 53, my health and fitness has taken a nosedive. I am constantly exhausted and have really painful joints. My caring responsibilities to my parents have massively increased also. A lot can change in a short period. Just something to think about.

Most clinics have an age cut off of 50, for donor eggs.

My friend had a live birth AFTER 50, but only because her donor embryos had been created pre-50 and covid had stopped the planned transfer.

So basically it's a moot point, unless you find a clinic abroad happy to take your money.

FWIW I had my only child at 40 and I worry about the impact on him of my ancient-ness. I do think 53 is just too old.

At 53 you would have teens into to your 70s! Not a good idea!

Actually, adoption can be every bit as hard and sometimes a LOT harder. Adoption failure rates are high as it is. It takes a lot of emotional and physical energy, and sadly, you'll find that many prospective adoptive children are older than babies with special needs which require care and experience to handle.

In this case, would fostering be an option? You could give a child (or several) a good life without the health risks to yourself and potential emotional damage to a bio child with an elderly parent.

I think it's incredibly unfair on the child. There's more to having children then being able to give them an amazing childhood. Childhood is a very small part of life. They will need you well into adulthood. There's a very strong chance they will spend their late teen to early 20's being a carer or worse working through the grief of losing a parent. Look at Bruce Willis having a child at 60 who is now 10 and watching her father battle dementia with a strong possibility she won't know him past 20. Having a child at this age will be solely for your benefit.

I am 50 with a 5 year old grandson who I looked after from birth whilst his parents worked. It is utterly exhausting but so so rewarding. You would be menopausal with a newborn. From what I have read - no-one to help you. And as your child got older they would be so embarrassed to have a pensioner as a Mum. Don’t forget we feel young and fit at 50 but 65 with an 11 year old is a different story. I also had IVF twice (didn’t work) and that alone is horrific. Good luck with whatever decision you make

Honestly I think it would be incredibly selfish.

No 53 year old is getting and staying pregnant via IVF with 53yo eggs. They just aren't.