To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Honestly?
I think just because you can it doesnt mean you should.
It's highly unethical for a variety of reasons IMO.

IVF is still possible

I think could spend a lot of time, money and emotional turmoil to end up with no baby in 5 years time.

I do know someone who had a baby at 49 with a donor egg - but it took many, many years (and a lot of heartbreak).

Sorry OP.

In the kindest possible way, yes I think it's too old.

No, you're too old

with donor eggs (most likely) and sperm?

Unfortunately I think it is too late now.

Yeah, I wouldn’t. I had my last at 40. I’m fucking knackered now at 45. you might get a difficult one who won’t sleep like I did.

it would be terrible! The responsibility of giving someone a balanced life would all be on you; it would be hard work when they were young, it would be a nightmare when you are 68 and they’re teenagers. I honestly wouldn’t dream of it. Have you considered fostering perhaps an older child now if you al have the nurturing instinct and the time to do this? But even this is a big responsibility if you are on your own.

I can understand that you want a child. But the time has passed for this.

I don’t think it should be allowed.
It's a massive risk to your health.
It's a massive risk to the baby's health.
The likelihood of a healthy pregnancy/birth/baby/mother is slim.
A young person will be left to care for elderly parents, and then left parentless for most of their adult life.
You'll find it utterly exhausting.

I say this as someone who worked in fertility. The clinic had a history of just ONE successful birth from an older patient.

She was 54 yrs old and ended up with twins. She admitted while she loved both her children, she wished she'd not done it, hadnt realised just how difficultit would be at her age. Found it too physically and mentally tiring and ended up having to use other family members to help with their care. And it had caused family rifts with other relatives who'd always been against it and didnt want to help.

Do you have other family willing and happy to help you raise your child/children if you realise you're not capable at your age?

A cute baby at your age would be exhausting but doable.

A 17 year old at 70 would be a completely different matter.

The chances of having a healthy baby at your age are a lot smaller than for younger mothers. Could you cope with a child with additional needs?

Both of may parents had died by age 70. Who would look after your dc if you died fairly young too?

You're mad! Have you already got children and have forgotten how hard it can be or have you got a romanticised view of childrearing altogether?

Possibly yes I’m at the VERY initial stages of thinking about this so not far down the road at all

The number of women who've even contemplated an IVF pregnancy at 53, especially as a singleton, is probably vanishingly small. Far less gone through with it and managed to birth a child. There's a reason for that.

You'd have a better chance asking for the winning numbers for the next Lottery Rollover.

No kids

That ship has sailed

God no. I’d look into adopting or fostering an older child.

You should have thought of this 20 years ago.
Then after 5 years of trying, you should have gone down the adoption route.

Honestly it sounds a ridiculous and extremely selfish idea. I imagine it will be very, very costly too, even to attempt the IVF. Obviously there will be an inevitable loss of earnings/extra expenses afterwards

You'll never be able to retire -at least by the time you do your body will quite possibly be too fucked to enjoy it

If you want to give a child a good life - and I don't doubt that you can - invest the some of that money in buying time out of work to retrain as a ta or teacher, foster, volunteer for a children's charity or etc etc
...

If that doesn't appeal then face the fact that you also desire a personal relationship wih your own child..which is fundamentally selfish. It is of course the main, selfish reason, most people do have children. There's nothing wrong with that if you are in a position to give them a decent life. But sadly as a single woman well into middle age, you aren't really able to do that. You're just too old.

Do you even have still living family who could help you out in a tight spot?

I'm nearly 47 and childless (also far too old) and most of my family are dead. If I suddenly took it into my head to do this (I won't), there would be no-one left alive or healthy enough to assist in any way.

How will the pregnancy stick for nine months? Your uterus is dried up and shrivelled now? Not young with a full, elastic blood supply.

https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/placental-insufficiency#:~:text=Placental%20insufficiency%20happens%20when%20the,or%20drug%20use%20in%20pregnancy.

You need an elastic uterus. You don’t have that any more. A young uterus is an elastic uterus. They rupture and you may not know. You can die even on the operating table as they try to save your life.

Medical staff will treat you if you pay them but you will frighten them and that’s not a good thing to do.

You are trying to chase a dream when it has increased chances of a poor outcome. Very gently, find something else to focus on.

Sorry but this is all about you not the child and very selfish. How will you cope if the child has any health conditions / problems ? What is your contingency if you are ill ? Age significantly increases the odds of both complications for you and the child. How will your child feel about having someone everyone will assume is their gran being their mum. How will your child feel if you aren’t there for their graduation / wedding / grand children ?

I have friends who are in their 60’s with two late teens who are at uni and while they love them dearly do regret the choice to have kids later in life. Both have health conditions and struggled to keep up with them. There is also some resentment from the kids as they didn’t have the same energetic parents as their friends did growing up.

It would be an insane idea.

I had my youngest at 34 and felt on the cusp of being too old then. Gently op, it would be selfish and extremely unfair on a child to have their only parent that old. You won't be alive for most of their life and they'll then be on their own.