To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Gently, I would challenge you that you’ve always wanted children.

You’re 53 and at no point in the last 3 decades have you really truly prioritised having children.

And the problem is that single parenting is very very hard, so you have to really really want it.

In your position I wouldn’t try for a baby. I would sit down and try to work out another solution for those feelings - fostering, closer family relationships, older child adoption etc.

can I ask what country you have looked into that will do this? As far as I’m aware most clinics in the uk won’t treat over approx 43 due to low success rates

I think it's the last shout of your body wanting to procreate before menopause stops your fertility.

It's a normal feeling and will pass.

IVF is brutal on your body even in your 20s. Failure rate is very high, over 95%, as is the likelihood of a child with disabilities.

Don't do it.

You'd probably only be wasting money even trying. The chances of successfully getting pregnant even via ivf at your age are probably very slim , never mind carrying to term. Not to mention the toll ivf takes on the body and your mental health. Maybe get some councilling sessions and talk it through and see how you feel then. I'm not going to suggest adoption or fostering because it's not the same as carrying a child.

I think you need to find your fulfilment elsewhere, OP. Don’t put it on a child.

I had a client who was pregnant at 56 for what it's worth.

You're mad for considering it, it would have to be donor eggs as you will have gone through the Menopause by now, and probably abroad as I can't see any ethical UK clinic advocating this at your age, Even IF it worked do you really want to be nearly 60 when your child starts school?

I had ivf at 35, own eggs and husband sperm. It's not really a question of ivf at 53, it's a question of having a child and probably leaving them when they're in their late 20s/early 30s. And being in your mid to late 60s when they're very active and need you.

Before a child is here everything is very much focused on what we want, I know because I've been through it, "I want a baby, I want a child, I want this and that". You imagine things so much and then they arrive and completely humble you.

And you think you know what that love will be like, and how hard the early years are, but you cant really. It's an astounding love but also a love that brings so much worry and anxiety, wanting to be here as long as you possibly can for your children and in the best of health for them. At 53 and beyond, health isn't always something you can control.

I'd also presume you'd be using donor eggs as ivf clinics wouldn't use above age 44 ish on average, correct me if im wrong.

Assuming this is a real question, you must know it's a terrible.idea! Even worse as there are.no siblings and you are single. I guess my question is if you are so desperate to be a.mum, why now? Why not 10 or 15 years ago?I had my last at 40 so could definitely be classed as an older mum, but this is just next level! Donyou have loads of money? It just feels like this is all.aboit you and your desire for a child rather than considering the needs and demands of a child. Have you considered fostering teens or respite fostering? These are both very different options to having your own child, but more realistic i think.

A friend has just adopted a 5 year old, she's 50, single and no other children
She's struggling a bit to say the least
A 15 year old when she's 60?
Yup...good luck with that!

I'm 59 and my eldest is 38, and I have 3 grandchildren over 8......I can't even comprehend what having a 6 year old would be like right now, if I'd had a baby at 53 like you're considering.... i'm glad it wasn't possible quite frankly.

Have you considered fostering ?

Victoria Coren Mitchell had her first baby at 53.

She didn't, she is currently 53. She had first at 43. Her second was born when she was 51, so she was definitely an older mother but she didn't have her first child at 53.

Children grow into adults. If you were to start IVF tomorrow at the age of 75yo, with whatever health conditions you’d have, there would be a 21yo embarking on life with a single, old relative. No siblings, no grandparents and likely no parent around for life’s challenges. Totally untethered.

I don’t want this to sound as harsh as it will come across: your plan would be selfish and cruel. It’s not a necessary thing to do. Leave it be and find another way to find fulfilment in your life. There are plenty of alternatives.

Sorry OP 53 is far to old to have IVF. Its incredibly unfair to bring on the child. I am 44 and my youngest is 6 (oldest is a teenager) and its hard going. Dh is 53 and quite honestly seems to struggle parenting a teenager because attitudes are so different to when he was a teenager. I work with this age group so have a good understanding of that age but dh seems old idea wise on some things. You can't imagine how hard having a baby is. At 44 I believe i am to old to have another baby.

You can't give a child a good life at that age. Sorry.

Foster op. Inc long term fostering. Success rates at your age using your own eggs are less than 1 percent. Using donor eggs it’s way higher, but you’re looking at donor eggs and donor sperm then. I don’t think it’d fair on a child. By the time you get it sorted, and have a baby you’d be looking at a min age I’d 55, meaning you’d be a 70 year old single parent with a 15 year old.

the time has gone. Long term fostering care would be rhe way forward if you think you can genuinely do this and can be accepted.

My mum died of cancer in her 50s. Granted we could all get hit by a bus at any age, but it’s obviously more likely the older you get. Have you got family who could step in if the worst happened and you left behind a very small child? Potentially with disabilities?

You’re not wrong to dream OP but have you thought about adopting a slightly older child instead?

Kindly, I think you are being a bit selfish here. You have no partner which could make it possible as in you'd have extra help. I don't think perhaps you are thinking longer term yes babies are very tiring. But teens is a whole new level of utter exhaustion. You'd be well into your 60s then! I had my first at 22 and my fourth and last at 32 and I was so much older and more tired at that point in my 30s. I'm in my 40s now and recently had a pregnancy scare, thankfully it was just a delayed period but there is no way in the eorld id bring a baby into this world even in my 40s. My mum has me at 40 and I'm now caring for her whilst my friends parents babysit and are still active on the whole. Don't do this.

OP what were you doing between the ages of 23 and 43 and why didn’t you have a child then? Because you should have done it then. In no way should you be parenting a difficult teenager at 70 unless it’s your grandchild and there has been a family tragedy of some sort.

I’ll say it… you shouldn’t, because you’re too old.

Find something else to scratch there itch, and maybe consider counselling too to explore your feelings further.

Do you think you genuinely want a child or it’s more of a panic last chance saloon thing because you haven’t done it?
Pregnancy takes a huge toll on the body, newborn months are brutal. Then there just the constant stream of energy you need bringing up a child. On your own would be so hard and with an only child if anything happens to you and you have no backup they are going to be very alone.
Why not talk to someone about other ways you could seek fulfilment in your life if you feel like something is missing. A baby may not actually be the answer you’re looking for.

You couldn’t. You think you could, but you couldn’t.

Utterly selfish of you. You could be 60 odd when your child starts primary school, 70 when they start secondary school. They could be barely out of school and end of taking care of elderly parents.

What are you thinking?

I am single and had twins at 47, and I think you’ve left it too late.

I started IVF at 40, and it took 5 IUIs, 5 IVFs, a miscarriage and a TFMR before I had my beautiful twins. So given you’re 53 now, it could take years for you to actually have a child.

Even though I was older, pregnancy was easy - no morning sickness at all and hid it in work until 25 weeks. Had an elective c-section which was a lovely, calm experience, minimal pain afterwards and back to normal within a week.

However I think you would need to be very financially stable and to have a backup if something happens to you.
I’m a very high earner, so could afford any help needed and have money set aside for university/house deposits etc. I work full time now (they’re 5) but will likely retire when they’re about 13.

Plus having the oldest Mum in school would be so embarrassing for the child...

You've left it too late and that's that. It would be utterly selfish to decide to have a child at your age. You are too old.