To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

It is very rare and will likely lead to very poor quality eggs… if they have any. Clinics often won’t do this as the success rate is very very low. This wouldn’t look good for their statistics

Once you get older even IVF medications will not release a decent amount of eggs. At 40 I was only getting 5-6 per cycle. At 20 or 30 years old you can get 20+. It’s then a (on average) 50% fertilisation rate and 50% of those go on to form blastocysts (if you are lucky). But even if you get a blastocyst aged 50+, the chances of that being genetically normal is absolutely miniscule. Some women in their 40s only manage to get 1-2 eggs per IVF cycle. It’s quality not quantity at that age anyway. I ovulate every month. I’m 44 now. My eggs are knackered however and I cannot get pregnant with them.

"I'd assume they would use treatment to release more eggs as with younger women, given that some women do have a natural pregnancy up to 50."

IVF success rates drop off rapidly past 42. After this the response to IVF drugs is poorer and eggs/ embryos produced are much more likely to be non viable .
If some one has a child by IVF in their late 40s onwards it is almost certainly by donor embryo or eggs or by previously frozen embryo or eggs.

Why do so many women make heart over head decsions on something as life changing as having a baby? In this case it is a very bad idea. The OP doesn't have a support network.

The argument that men become fathers at that age is irrelevant because their partner is usually young enough to get pregnant naturally, and there are two of them.

Babies aren't babies for long and women don't stay 53 for long.

It's all about the here and now. Doesn't anyone think about the future?

I had DD later in life (infertility then natural pregnancy) and at 66 I am still working and supporting her as she is a student. I get my state pension and my salary which means I can be her guarantor for rental properties.

I wouldn’t worry about this, unfortunately anyone can lose a parent at any age. Me and quite a few of my friends lost parents before 30 and we’re all doing fine. There is no reason you can’t live a long and healthy life to 90 these days, you have nothing to feel guilty about and your children will say the same 😀

The quality will be bad, really bad, even on the million to one chance the OP got pregnant naturally (she won't) the pregnancy won't be viable because of chromosomal defects in the egg....hence why some women use donor eggs from a younger woman, but the OP has left this way too late

Okay. I think that's clear now.
It's beside the point now as OP wouldn't be able to do it.

Cos your fitter for parenthood I think if you’ve got a BMI around 20

To answer a question above -

NO I’M NOT POST MENOPAUSE !

Congrats on your DD ❤️😊

Hang on- there is a big difference between a parent dying at a young age, far younger than expected, and someone choosing to become a parent when statistically they would have 30 years left (and maybe fewer healthy years before that.)

Your experience (sorry to hear of it) was chance.
Choosing to have a child at 53-55 is a deliberate act.

It really doesn't matter if you've still got periods or not, having regular periods does not improve the quality of your 53 year old eggs, ovulation will be sparodic, (if at all) and the eggs will still be rubbish quality to produce a pregnancy

Well quite, the OP only replies to the posts she wants to hear anyway!...

Donor egg & donor sperm would give the best chance of success. I would not even consider using own eggs as you would be completely wasting your money & if the clinic is a good one, then that is what they would advise.This would need to be done in a clinic abroad.
Re BMI - this is important to have a healthy BMI between 20-25 for the best possible chance of success.
High BMI in the UK is a real issue not only in pregnancy but other health conditions too. We are seeing more & more women with a BMI over 40 which can cause complications like high blood pressure, diabetes, increased caesarean section rate, poor wound healing to name a few.
I would recommend that you explore your options thoroughly, including counselling in order to make the right decision for you, whatever that maybe.
There has been a lot of negativity on this thread relating to age but we could start a whole new one relating to existing high BMI, chronic hypertension, kidney disease, existing diabetes etc which all can lead to an significant health issues affecting women in their childbearing years, that will have an impact on longevity.

Hi OP. Only you can decide what the best decision is. I will say that at your age, even if you are pre menopause, you won’t have success with your own eggs (I don’t know the percentage but it’s around 4% at 10 years younger than you and that decreases exponentially each year). You have to consider that if you still want to try with your own eggs first, you will lose another year or so before moving to donor eggs.
Both options are sadly incredibly expensive, which I’m sure you know, so you may want to consider donor egg/embryo straight away. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

That's not a rational argument. It's obvious that the older you are, the more likely you are to die. Yes, some people die young but it's much rarer than people dying in their 80s and 90s.

Sorry can’t work out how to edit quote to get to the point I am answering.

Children don’t just need parents in their twenties. In my day job I worked with families. It was so hard for young parents who had lost one of their parents. The ones who told me how alone they felt in childbirth without their mum. The ones who struggled putting children in daycare because they had no mum to help out at home. At 85 who is up for childcare???

You are looking at having a baby instead of looking at creating a life and a person who will need a huge amount of input. Love and support yes but also energy and presence especially in teen and early adulthood. You will be elderly by then. And the fact you have no family means should something happen, your child will have no one at all.
You are setting up a child for a lifetime of abandonment and trauma issues.

This attitude (or denial of reality?) that I see on mumsnet of ‘something can happen to you at any age’ baffles me.

Yes there’s a chance you could die at 25 but surely people understand the ‘chance’ is a completely different level to the likelihood of dying at 85.

Op if you have only just started looking into this I would suggest posting on the IVF boards because you don’t just ‘do ivf’

• you have said that the UK would treat you up to 55. I am assuming you mean private as the NHS depending on the Trust would have stopped a long time ago… so have you chosen a private clinic? Do you need advice on that? Private clinics often have very long waiting lists and many may decline to treat you at your age
• on top of that you would need a donor embryo which is not a quick process. Or cheap.
• have you got the available funds for all of this - most likely well over 10k at least
• you mention your bmi - many may not treat you until you are a specific bmi
• clinics are all about their live birth stats and if you have age and weight against you they may feel it’s not something they want to pursue.
• realistically this process could take 2 years plus and by that time you are in your late 50s…

A lot of mumsnetters don't understand statistics.

I think it's the double standards of denial of biology on MN and it's seen as ageist. You only need to look around and yourself if you have known more people personally who have died say 40-60 of heartattack or cancer than you did from your school to uni days to see that chances of death increase with age.

How many people under 60 do you know with dementia?

Of course you could be still here, sprites, driving and looking after grand kids at 90. But the odds are against it.

You could look like a 30 year old at 50. But your biology is still that of human.

My mil is a thin beautiful glamorous 80 year old. Didn't change her outcome when she had a accident and then a stroke.

If you don't agree with biology then there's chance and fate. Say you have a 1/100000 chance of a life changing accident. Each day you life you play the chance lottery. But say your an amazing driver and a pro on the stairs so your exempt? You can't control the drunk driver that kills you or a wet step at the station. Looking great, eating clean, keeping fit. Cancer does care.

Once you get older even IVF medications will not release a decent amount of eggs. At 40 I was only getting 5-6 per cycle.

I had my first IVF cycle at 35 and only got 3 eggs and one embryo. Subsequent cycles were the same. Gave up at 40 as was told I had premature ovarian failure or.primary ovarian insufficiency as it’s called now.

I think one point that many posters are missing when they talk about parents dying young is that usually there are TWO parents.

I never had any grandfathers; they died in their 30s and 40s, before I was born.

But my parents , although their dads died very young, did have mums, siblings and an extended family.

The difference with the OP is there is no other parent around if she was to go ahead.

You could look like a 30 year old at 50. But your biology is still that of human.

That's not quite true . People's telomeres age differently, and our bio age can be very different to our chronological age, but not in the area of reproduction.