To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

@DrenchSal, you are 53 and single. You are in no position to have a child. Children are very hard work and women twenty years younger than you can find it unrelenting and exhausting at times even when they are married to a supportive husband. Pregnancy can be uncomfortable and giving birth requires quite a lot of physical strength even with pain relief. You will almost certainly need a lot more expensive medical care than younger mothers. As others have said, by the time the child is ten, you will be 63. They will still be teenagers when you are in your early seventies. None of this is fair on you or, more importantly, the child. You are being extremely selfish. At 53, this ship has sailed.
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I feel so old having my youngest at 35. Honestly it was so hard compared to having my first two at 27 and 29. My husband was 44 and he found it harder than me to do the things he did with the first two. He has a disability though.
I go to the gym, lift weights, etc, but peri has hit me hard (see my previous threads) and I struggle, not just with my toddler, but with my middle (ADHD) and my eldest (AuDHD). It's rough going through perimenopause and having to parent young kids. I know I'm young to be in peri, but at your age, I would not welcome another pregnancy, birth and child rearing.

However, I'm not in your shoes, so can't give you the advice you need.

Hopefully someone will come along soon with the advice and experience you needxxx

God no you'll be 71 when they are 18 and they'll lose you at a young age, that's simply not fair

That graph in the first link just shows a general figure in the last column for cumulative live birth rates aged 44+. It doesn’t specify donor eggs. So the figure of 7% will be all IVF transfers for women 44 and over. The success rate for own eggs IVF aged 44+ is vanishingly small. This will drag any statistics down. However in the second link you provided if you click through to “trends in egg and sperm donation” rather than just general IVF you can see this from HFEA. Saying that chances of successful pregnancy increases from 5% to over 30% when using donor eggs.

Go for it, Op.
Men parent at 50 all the time.
If you have the means, the great health, the time and the support network around you why wouldn't you give it a go?

Do you have eggs on ice?
If you are using donated eggs then long term fostering or adopting could offer you and a child a similar outcome if IVF doesn't work out.

Adopt if you want a child. I’m 56 and no way could I cope with a newborn or baby now. Not a chance. It’s much harder than you think

Are you VERY wealthy? Unless the answer is yes, you cannot give a child the energy and support and parenting for the next 20-25 years that every parent owes a child they decided to bring into the world. Recovering from birth can be brutal and would be much harder at your age- money would buy you at home support, nannies, and an inheritance that can bring them up the way a parent would for if your child became an orphan at a young age. When you’re ill and there’s a baby /toddler to run after around the clock it’s hard enough with two parents. Your friends would all be too old to step in if you died or needed help. Your child would be very aware that all their friends parents are peers and his mum is their grandmas age.

Men do not primary parent at 50 all the time. Many of them contribute biological material for a baby and some of them secondary parent while a nearly always younger partner is doing the heavy lifting. The partner just about has to be younger because 50 is too old to conceive for a woman. Name me one man you know that’s a single dad to a newborn at 50 with no coparent at all so they are the parent 24/7, 100% of the time.

Why don't people read the thread or at least the OP's posts.
She doesn't have a support network so no, she shouldn't give it a go.
And a man parenting at 50 is not the same for the many reasons people have already mentioned in this thread.

I know you say you have no living family members, OP, but do you have a close support network? Very close friends you could lean on etc?

Because if not, you absolutely cannot have a baby at your age. What if something were to happen to you? I’m not even talking death, but a serious fall leaving you incapacitated for some time. What would happen to the child? What if you became very unwell? And what if you died? Your child would go into the care system. It’s too much of a risk.

Finally, and this may sound harsh, but how do you feel having no living family members in this world? If it makes you feel lonely and a little bit sad (understandable) then that is the life you will be thrusting on your child as they they are unlikely to be much beyond 30 when their only parent dies and they will have no siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles or anyone.

I do think OP that it sounds like you could make a huge difference through something like fostering. You have time, financial stability and your attention and care to give and so many people could benefit from that. It often leads to lifelong connections.

This is all about you - you’re not thinking of the child. This is a tiny person, not a possession.

It may well be great and manageable for you with a baby / toddler. Great. Fulfilling. But what about them and their needs?

I work in pension bereavements. So many of our retired policy holders die before the age of 75. My marathon-running father died at 46; his wife, my lovely gym-fit, energetic step mum died suddenly of cancer before she was 63.

If you lived that long your child would be orphaned at secondary school or even primary school.

Very, very selfish of you.

Before everyone tells OP off too much for being ‘very very selfish’, she’s just considering this idea, she came here to get feedback on the idea not to say she was 40 weeks pregnant. Crikey.

No she didn't - she's 53 now.

Go for it!
with no partner
no support network
Woo! Yea. GO FOR IT

Fostering & adoption are not easy or quick process and won’t inevitably conclude with a new born baby. Optimistically She’ll be 55-56 minimum if she’s accepted for either . Whilst there’s no official cut off age , the fitness,stamina and ability to provide long term stability will be assessed

”Go for it” 🙄🙄

Yes somethings are right for the “you go girl”
“men do it too” cheer leading - having a baby on your own at 50 plus with zero support network is definitely not one of them.

yeah… Victoria coren Mitchell was 51 when she had her second child.
first child is 10

The other thing I’m aiming to do if I did choose to go down this IVF path is get down to a BMI of 20 - I feel MUCH better at this weight. Luckily for me I can lose weight effectively by calorie control when I put my mind to it and I’m someone the actually likes the gym and exercise classes. Not so much swimming!! - but I’ll even do that if it means losing weight !!

Just wanted to say thank you to EVERYONE who’s taken time out to contribute to this thread I didn’t realise it would get so many responses so I’ll try and reply to as many as I can

It’s shocking that you are still considering it after reading all these replies to be honest. Lower BMI doesn’t make it any better at all

To be honest though I haven’t even taken a single step in the IVF direction yet so I still may never embark on it

Why are you mentioning BMI now? Why is it relevant?

You sound abit bonkers op. Can you channel your energy to another challenge rather than having a baby in your mid 50s? A long hike or marathon or something?

I have a feeling this isn't real, the replies are too odd and tone deaf. FYI you won't have time for exercise classes for some time if you have a baby and small child.

Are you 53 now or is that the age you aim to start doing it if you do it?

Unless your BMI is huge now it’s pointless worrying about that for IVF, the issue is your age.