To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

Nearly 53 will be 53 when start

I only skimmed the start but have read the OPs threads.

If have a child aged 53, you'll be 69 when they are doing GCSEs. You'll be 74 before they are done with university if they go.

Parenting at 53 is one thing.
Parenting a teen in your late 60s will be a totally different thing.

I think it is a bad idea.

Ah, you're back here OP.

Could you say why you've left this to 53?
Surely when you got to 38-40 ish you were thinking about having a child?
Was there not an opportunity then?

I do understand your desire for a child but I'm sorry to say it's supremely selfish. For a start, you're single so the child will never know a father. That's not ideal.
You probably underestimate hugely the sheer hard work of a baby, toddler and teenager.

You're doing something that may have been ok 15 years ago, but for whatever reason you chose not to then.

This is all about YOU - not the best interests of the child. So it's selfish.
If you have love to give to a child, look at fostering.

PPs said you're too old to adopt and that's for a reason.

A baby is not an 'accessory' to fill a gap in your life.

I also think you'll struggle to find a dr to treat you. It's different if you had frozen your eggs, had a partner to provide sperm and be the father, but you're on your own and may well be 55 before IVF worked even if you could access it.

Yes one of my biggest regrets in life is not taking the opportunity I had for this at 38 to 40 and I DID have an opportunity then

but that’s the subject of another thread !!

It's too late. If you can't accept that, maybe look at some counselling.

This is all about YOU.
We all have regrets and make mistakes , or miss out on some things we'd like in life. But having a child is not right in your circumstances.

I also think that if you'd really wanted one, you'd have overcome the barriers that were there years ago. Saying you lived with your Dad at 43 is hardly a good enough excuse. The situation you're in now is much less suitable.

I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. There will have been reasons that you did not. It’s too late now though. You need to make your peace with it.

Have the responses here OP swayed your decision one way or the other?

The OP is only “considering” IVF at 53, so realistically, even she goes ahead today and all goes to plan, she’s be only giving birth at 54.

Slightly off topic but not really, how does IVF work is the mother can't provide either an egg or a partner with sperm?

Does she get to choose from a range of suitable donors? How do you even start there, with a good match of genes?

Is the embryo fertilised outside the womb and implanted?

It wouldn’t be IVF if they didn’t fertilise outside the womb and implant it.

You can either purchase an egg and sperm separately or purchase an embryo. This is much easier in foreign countries… not sure how easy this is to do in the UK…

38-40? What about the 13 years after that…

Then you may be making another biggest regret by having a child so late in life with noone in the extended family to be there for them when you die. You won't be able to use your own eggs so will have a donor, so why not foster and pour that love into a baby or child in need? Totally understand the pull of a child but ivf clinics won't use your eggs as they won't work and will drag their statistics down to be frank. Even private ivf clinics won't.

You can get either separate sperm and eggs or already created embryos. Clinics have databases the recipient can look through with details of the donor, things like medical history and physical characteristics.

If separate, the sperm and eggs are combined outside the body then monitored for a few days and the best looking one transferred to the womb to hopefully implant. Usually patients take medication to create a favourable environment for implantation.

Are you post menopause now OP?
Is there any chance you have your own eggs, even a dwindling supply? but the egg quality won't be as good.

All IVF involves fertilising the egg outside the womb.

And yes in this country you would speak to a fertility clinic about donors. For example in London you have the London sperm bank and the London egg bank. You can browse the profiles of donors. (You can browse without a profile right now if you wanted. I believe it’s open to view. It used to be anyway.) You then choose the ones you want. If using a donor you need a mandatory counselling session before you can go ahead. You don’t need to particularly “match” genes. Most people will automatically choose a donor that looks similar to themselves in the description. I believe if there are no suitable donors to match you can go on waiting lists.

. Even private ivf clinics won't.

It would have to be private. The NHS doesn't do this for women her age.

The chances of success with own eggs at 53 will be around 0.001%. No clinic in the UK will do it. And it would be totally pointless and you may as well set fire to the money.

It’s ‘easy’ if you have the money. It also depends on how choosy you are. Some clinics have long wait lists for eggs and embryos, others do not. It is very expensive, on top of standard ivf costs.

Private IVF still won’t touch own eggs treatment at 53. It’s pointless.

Most of these women who have hit the media (I think one was in her 70s) are overseas and having treatment overseas.

Personally, I think it is unethical.

It's a bit like excessive face and body plastic surgery where unscrupulous doctors are happy to take money even when the woman may have body dysmorphia.

@DrenchSal How are you thinking now?
It seems that opinion here is very much against you doing this.

I think it's too old, IVF can be a long traumatic journey and more cycles fail than succeed.
Im the same age as you and wouldnt put myself through this although admittedly I have DC.
I know there are celebrities that give birth in their early 50s, Janet Jackson, Victoria Cohen Mitchell, Bridgette Neilson and lots of famous men who become fathers even in their 70s, Ronnie Wood, Elton John etc so the press normalises and celebrates it but in reality without huge financial resources and a younger partner to help you it's going to be really really hard work, bear in mind the teen years can be just as hard as the baby and toddler years.
And ime DC in their early twenties still need their parents support. So you have to think beyond the baby years.

It's hard when you realise that you are getting older and you don't have the same options that you did when you are young and you are getting older.
If you could give birth today at 53 it may just about be OK but in reality you are probably looking at another 2 years down the line if its successful.

"Are you post menopause now OP?
Is there any chance you have your own eggs, even a dwindling supply? but the egg quality won't be as good."

IVF clinics wouldn't consider own egg IVF past 45.

I didn't know that .

I'd assume they would use treatment to release more eggs as with younger women, given that some women do have a natural pregnancy up to 50.
(I know of someone in RL who gave birth decades ago at 49.)

Realistically I think you have to let this go and if you want children in your life, look at other ways of doing this.