To ask opinions on IVF at 53

[DrenchSal]

I’ve been considering it

i won’t be offended with anything negative - I just want honesty

I think we should also acknowledge that the OP has two quite powerful forces creating this craving at this point.

Mother Nature just wants life created at all costs and your hormones are doing their last gasp push to make that happen. It's why there are many 'surprise' late life pregnancies for women who were sure all that was behind them.

And then the current societal pressure that paints women without children as not being proper women etc.

Both your body and your mind exerting pressure at the same time to create this craving.

It can feel unbearable for some women.

Do you really need this explained to you? The pregnancy risks to the man are nadda,zilch. Because a man can’t get pregnant.So no eyelids batted because men don’t get pregnant

Exactly.

I roll my eyes plenty at men who have children in their 50s, but the situation is not the same as the OP's.

A male colleague recently welcomed triplets at 57. I can assure you eyelids have been batting!

his partner is early forties - he has grown up children. So strong family network - but colleagues, particularly male colleagues, are all commenting on what age he will be when they hit various milestones. General concensus is he is far too old.

@Summerhut2025 I don’t think it’s a great idea for a man to be a dad to new baby in his 50s

I wouldn’t be as honest if you hadn’t said you wouldn’t be offended..

but no, I don’t agree with this I’m sorry. I think it’s incredibly selfish of you to have delayed having children until 53 to suddenly decide you want one now, undergo IVF in order to have one, and even if you are successful, put the child at significant risk of complications as well as having to handle being 10 and having a 63 year old mother.

There was a lot more societal pressure for women to bare children in the past. Less so now. I’ve never felt this pressure and to be honest I wouldn’t give a fiddlers fart if people thought I should conceive if I didn’t want to.

The op may deeply want a child, but has to ask herself if it’s the right thing to do for the child. Op may be dead within years leaving a child all alone. That to me doesn’t sound like the right thing to do.

I wouldn’t recommend it. I had my second At 39 and that was bad enough…

Very true - we suspected this might be the case at one point. But a number of us have now done DNA via Ancestry.co.uk so verified the relationships between us all. So my great aunt knows she is a full sister to my other great aunt and my great uncle, for example.

My great grandmother had 9 living children, but many miscarriages and early infant losses too sadly. She had her eighth child at 49 and her last at 52.

On the other side of my family tree - the woman everyone thought was my grandfather's mother turned out to be his aunt. So definitely lots of family secrets coming to light with the DNA tests being so readily available now.

But that that sort of thing did happen quite a lot back then. Quite a few babies arriving just a couple of months after weddings too!

@Eggybreadwithnuts what is wrong with you? Surrogacy is even worse than using donor eggs. It’s cruel to the child, exploitative, unethical and a higher risk pregnancy.

OP has left it too late. She’s being naive and dangerously selfish. It’s a no.

You could be 73 when they go to uni, you will never meet anyone now if you have a baby, are you going to work full time and have a baby? The child will have the micky taken out of it they will think you are the gran kids are very cruel, at all the baby groups and nursery you are likely to be ignored by other mums, think about the child, how will you work full time and take child to clubs in the evening, you are unlikely to have a good pregnancy, how will you cope witb a caesarian and look after a child, how will you discipline a 6 foot teen boy age 16 whos smoking weed and telling you to E off , i could go on,

I'm going to go against the grain here to be devil's advocate. If you pray, i would pray about it. 53 is not too old to potentially safely have a baby with donor eggs. I had my first and only baby at 45 with IVF and my own eggs. Split with my husband when my daughter was 1. I wouldn't change it for the world. Did you hear about the woman in Britain who had a child naturallly at 59? She was on HRT though. Yes extremely rare but she and her husband were delighted.
But also - pregnancy is tough on your body. Sleep deprivation I find is a nightmare for any reason now that I'm over 50. It would be hard work. However - you don't have kids and you may well be wanting to give this one shot.... so that you know you tried... and if you really want a child it could be worth it. The risk of course is that you could have the child and then get cancer shortly after - I think that happened to a woman in Italy who had twins through IVF aged about 60... but her family took the twins in after she passed. Mind you, any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow. If you are on the whole fit and healthy (as far as you know) and have longevity in your family genes...if there's low family history of cancer and dementia and so on.... if you actively do things to keep your body youthful like avoid alcohol and sugar, lift weights, do plenty of exercise and so on... even then there are no guarantees of course. If you have faith, the prayer that always works for me when making a decision whether big or little is something like this .. "Father God" (I'm Christian so that's how I pray) "please open the door to me having a baby this was if it is right for me... please close the door on it if it is not the right choice for me or for a potential child ". Look, people will always judge and say no way should someone be a mother at that age but I can't judge if it's right for you or not. You could live healthily into your 90s and have a beautiful relationship with your child. Or you could have a decline in health and leave your child too soon. You'd definitely need to take HRT I would say to try and remain a bit youthful (I am on it and apart from the fact I take it to alleviate symptoms, I also just didn't want to be a crabbed, grumpy mother to my little one who is only 5 now as I'm turning 51)
Look only you know how youthful you feel and if you think you have potentially a good innings left and a good life to offer a child.
I prayed a lot and believed I was going to have a chilld, I had infertility for 8 or 9 years I think it was (it was my husband's sperm that were apparently the problem). The consultant I had when I was 42 would not put me forward for IVF at all, she wanted me to do it with donor eggs. I wanted to try with my own eggs. She wouldn't let me and put me on a waiting list for IUI as it was free on NHS. I didn't get it until I was 44! And it didn't work, after 4 rounds I said "Ok can I have IVF with my own eggs now" and she was horrified and said it would never work. Donor eggs... yes, no problem, quite a good success rate. She told me I had a 1% chance with my own eggs and wouldn't put me forward for it. I went straight out and rang another consultant and I got put on IVF ONE MONTH before my 45th birthday (that was the absolute cut off for doing it) and he told me this has a 97% failure rate - it worked first go and I had a beautiful healthy girl. From what I believe, with donor eggs and donor sperm it is not as risky for birth defects and miscarriages as the eggs and sperm are younger etc... of course the one thing that won't be younger is you! But you know what, it was so worth it. If I was in love and married to someone now and we by some absolute miracle got pregnant, I would totally do it. I know I would be so knackered (I had gestational diabetes and hypothyroidism during my pregnancy!) but it would be worth it. So... let it be between you and God (if you believe in God ). I admire people for going ahead. I know people who sadly never had a baby due to waiting for the right man and he never came along. But... lots of others like myself had the baby with someone who did not turn out to be a good partner at all... So looking back, I think younger women should totally freeze some eggs for the future, but none of us were thinking like that at the time...

Anyhow the other concern that you have of course is that you have no family back up. That is hard. A lot of the celebs who have babies in their 50s with donor eggs also have plenty of money for a nanny and all that... so anyway you have a lot to think about, good luck with your decision but if you go for it I would certainly not judge you and in fact I would admire that you've thought that you only have one life and you want to go for it. BUt ... it would be hard, very hard, on your tiredness, body, etc. If you also had bad menopausal symptoms it would genuinely be a nightmare. I am so much wiser now than when younger whcih is good while raising a child.. but I ALSO am grumpier with less patience, and a lot of that is due to energy levels and an underlying autoimmune thyroid prob that has came to light since perimenopause. So yeah... there are a lot of good reasons NOT to do it too. BUt I wanted to show you it isn't necessarily all doom and gloom. Good luck, whatever you decide. (Also I don't know the story about adopting or how that works so I didn't mention that as an alternative, but it could possibly be?)

There have been studies that show as parental age increases so do increased risks of medical issues for the child too. It used to be assumed it was only eggs that caused the issues, but sperm from older fathers also carries risk to the child.

You're right that the pregnancy risks themselves fall entirely on the person who can actually get pregnant - the women.

But there are genetic and developmental risks tied to paternal age too. Sperm quality declines with age, and mutations are more likely to appear. Older fathers mean increased chances of conditions like autism spectrum disorders and some congenital issues in children. So while the man isn’t the one carrying the higher-risk pregnancy, his age and sperm health still factor into the child’s risks.

Hey op have you seen anyone medically to discuss your situation? it is your own personal choice at the end of the day but omg it will be so hard. If you think having a child is something you really want you should definitely start soon and get booked in for a consultation I’m your age and even though I love kids I could not cope with 1 now. Also the fact you have no support is risky. But it’s your body and your life. But they don’t stay small and cute forever.

I had my first child at 36 and would have liked a second, but didn't go ahead for practical and financial reasons. I have frozen embryos, so I might still be able to get pregnant. But I'm 43 now, and since I was about 41 I've felt that I was too old to go through pregnancy again. IVF pregnancies seem to have a higher risk of complications than those resulting from natural conception. If you're using donor eggs (which I assume you'd need unless you have frozen eggs or embryos) the risks are higher still.

If I were you, I'd speak to a doctor about my own health and likely risks of going through pregnancy, as some older woman are at higher risk than others. But I really don't think I'd be going ahead at your age, especially without a support network.

I am 76. I remember how fit and well I felt when I was in my 50s. I’d have easily managed a baby and a young child at that time. Even now I’m fit and well for someone my age, in comparison to my friends, but there’s no way that I would have coped with a teenager in my sixties and I have been astounded at the way my energy declined during my sixties. In speaking to my friends I know I am not alone. I understand the longing for a baby, but I would advise you not to do it.

Absolutely not, for me personally I wouldn’t have a child over 35.

Wrong.

In fact ime they are something of a figure of ridicule.

In my village there was a married couple where the man buggered off with a woman half his age (he was mid 50's, she was late 20's). He was happily and brashly living his best life. Within 5 years he was in the playground again with his reception aged child and a toddler in a buggy. He looked utterly broken, meanwhile his ex wife was enjoying herself hugely with holidays, social life etc. His older children were all in their 20's and off on their own.

He is a joke to everyone who knows him and bitterly regrets leaving his first wife.

There is a chart in the first link showing the successful live births in various age ranges using IVF.

RACGP - Giving patients a realistic understanding of IVF success rates

Key facts and statistics | HFEA

Consider the implications - you would be at least 70 by the time the child is 17. Babies and toddlers are energetic, tiring and demanding. It's hard enough to cope with all the physical stuff (birth, chasing them, carrying them, wakeful nights etc) when you're young and flexible - much more difficult when you're older. You will be mistaken for a grandparent. Also, think of the child - having a much older parent can be embarrassing (unreasonable but true).

Just to answer this, you can absolutely adopt as a single person.

Do they really?! I had no idea. I thought the cutoff was mid 40s.

I'd love to know their stats on success for people aged 50+

Do a U turn immediately! The more I think about this, the more horrified I am. I think having a baby is much harder work than anybody expects and you could well be a burden to your child before they even leave school.

Some clinics won't attempt IVF with a patient's own eggs after the age of about 45. However, they might treat older women if they are using donor eggs.

It's not just age - anything can happen to anyone at any point- you say you are single with no living family - what are your plans for support generally and if you do become unable to care for the child for whatever reason.