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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up when my DSD wakes up?

218 replies

Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:10

I’ve been with my DH for 3 years, DSD is 6. I work full time in a hospital and it’s really full on. I have always loved sleep! I will sleep for hours and hours if I can.

DSD is with us half the week, and always at the weekend. Yesterday she was dropped off at 7am so I got up with DH and was with them all day.

today, DSD got up at 6am and DH got up with her. I’ve just woken up now, and I can sense DH is annoyed I didn’t get up too.

we don’t have any shared DCs atm, but we are trying to conceive in the new year.

aibu to sleep in and let DSD dad get up with her?

OP posts:
FastandLoose · 14/09/2025 09:12

It’s a total pain getting up with an early rising child. He’s resentful of having to do it, it it’s his child - get up if you want to, but no obligation.

BusyMum47 · 14/09/2025 09:13

Not at all! You got up yesterday & today, you gave her & her father some 1 on 1 time together.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 14/09/2025 09:14

Nope, his child, his responsibility.

Goodadvice1980 · 14/09/2025 09:15

OP given your post are you sure you want dc with this man?

Speakingofdinosaurs · 14/09/2025 09:16

😂 why on earth would you have to get up too! I’d lay there for a long while. You really really don’t want to give him the expectation that you will always get up when DSD does - he’s the parent!
You can assist him with HIS parenting as much as you want to, which you almost certainly are as she is with you quite a lot, but you should definitely set the scene/rules that your lie in time is precious.

stonepizza · 14/09/2025 09:17

He chose to have a child and forgo those lay-ins. As and when you make the same decision you will be choosing that for yourself too.
Right now, you enjoy that much needed sleep.

MuggleMe · 14/09/2025 09:18

Unless you had plans to go somewhere that your lie in scuppered, this is absolutely the right thing to have done.

You're better rested for family and work, she had time with just daddy which is really important, and DH is learning that you're not going to be the automatic carer just because you're female.

Coffeeishot · 14/09/2025 09:18

FastandLoose · 14/09/2025 09:12

It’s a total pain getting up with an early rising child. He’s resentful of having to do it, it it’s his child - get up if you want to, but no obligation.

This, he is annoyed but you don't have to get up.

hazelowens · 14/09/2025 09:19

I met my DP when his son was 6 and an early riser. My youngest was 7 and at the weekend would wake up, get his breakfast and go back to bed. At the weekend I would give him and his DS that 2/3 hours of time to themselves as when my kids were with dad they never got any alone time with him and hated it.

DarkForces · 14/09/2025 09:20

I'd be thinking carefully about what his expectations of you will be when you have a shared child. Will he expect you to always be up with him then? It'll be far harder than with a 6 year old sleep wise.

JonSnowedUnder · 14/09/2025 09:21

Absolutely not, enjoy your lie in! I would say if you can sense your DH is annoyed that you need to have a chat about it but don't let him guilt you into giving up any sleep. Especially as she is an early riser.

Original poster
Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:22

I suppose I feel a little guilty, as if DSD was my child, I would absolutely get up with her.

I love DSD, and we’ve got a lovely relationship. But I’m not her mum, she has a mummy who she loves a lot!

I think DHs expectation is that we are a family and we should do everything together. He says DSD wants me to be with her when she wakes up.

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 14/09/2025 09:22

When you say you 'sense DH is annoyed that I didn't get up too' how is he displaying this exactly? Is it banging doors and muttering under his breath?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2025 09:23

He already only has to do it half the week! Cheeky sod. Why did he have a child if he didn’t want to get up with her? Have you asked him that?

When you have your own you’ll have to get up, enjoy every lie in you can until then. And do think carefully about what parenting will look like with a resentful man.

Original poster
Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:23

Whatifitallgoesright · 14/09/2025 09:22

When you say you 'sense DH is annoyed that I didn't get up too' how is he displaying this exactly? Is it banging doors and muttering under his breath?

He keeps coming in and saying he is tired, that he didn’t sleep well. He has now left the door open to our room

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 14/09/2025 09:23

Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:22

I suppose I feel a little guilty, as if DSD was my child, I would absolutely get up with her.

I love DSD, and we’ve got a lovely relationship. But I’m not her mum, she has a mummy who she loves a lot!

I think DHs expectation is that we are a family and we should do everything together. He says DSD wants me to be with her when she wakes up.

In other words he wants you to share the work so he doesn’t have to parent alone !

Peacepleaselouise · 14/09/2025 09:25

I think it’s worth through how this will work once you have a baby. Perhaps have a conversation about this. My husband and I very quickly had a designated lie in day each at the weekend. Rather than both being utterly exhausted because we “should” do things together as a family.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2025 09:25

He says DSD wants me to be with her when she wakes up.

Bollocks. And straight up manipulation. Nasty. Tell him she needs one to one time with her dad, to close the door and leave you alone until you choose to get up.

ApricotCheesecake · 14/09/2025 09:28

Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:23

He keeps coming in and saying he is tired, that he didn’t sleep well. He has now left the door open to our room

Show quote history

What a selfish man he is. "I'm up so I'm going to make sure Frozened is awake too". He's behaving like a petulant child. It's unnecessary for you both to be up with her and I would get really cross with him about this. Lay down some expectations now OP!

SunriseOver · 14/09/2025 09:28

Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:23

He keeps coming in and saying he is tired, that he didn’t sleep well. He has now left the door open to our room

Show quote history

He wants you to offer to take over - soon it'll be him who doesn't get up with his daughter at all because he's too tired, and you doing it all. Some men think parenting is a woman's job and remarry/ move in a new girlfriend expecting that to mean they pass over the childcare to her.

Don't have a baby with him unless you're happy to be doing 95% of everything for both children.

gamerchick · 14/09/2025 09:28

Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:23

He keeps coming in and saying he is tired, that he didn’t sleep well. He has now left the door open to our room

Show quote history

He's going to go back to bed isn't he? Id get up and go out me.

He's bairn, his get up time. You've got the lack of sleep to come if you're trying to breed **

AbzMoz · 14/09/2025 09:30

If it was your bio child you’d still take turns to have a lie in if you could, especially if one has a more intense work pattern!
maybe you (already) watch dsd or do some crafts for an hour in the afternoon so dp gets a little downtime?

Original poster
Frozened · 14/09/2025 09:30

gamerchick · 14/09/2025 09:28

He's going to go back to bed isn't he? Id get up and go out me.

He's bairn, his get up time. You've got the lack of sleep to come if you're trying to breed **

Show quote history

No way he’s going back to bed! I’m going to see my friend today, going to get up and get ready now, friends collecting me in about an hour.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 14/09/2025 09:30

Honestly how do you think having a baby with him will go down? Can you see this ending well?

Moreteaandchocolate · 14/09/2025 09:30

Even if it was your child, you wouldn’t need to both get up.