To not get up when my DSD wakes up?

[Frozened]

I’ve been with my DH for 3 years, DSD is 6. I work full time in a hospital and it’s really full on. I have always loved sleep! I will sleep for hours and hours if I can.

DSD is with us half the week, and always at the weekend. Yesterday she was dropped off at 7am so I got up with DH and was with them all day.

today, DSD got up at 6am and DH got up with her. I’ve just woken up now, and I can sense DH is annoyed I didn’t get up too.

we don’t have any shared DCs atm, but we are trying to conceive in the new year.

aibu to sleep in and let DSD dad get up with her?

Welcome to your future... Your DH will expect you to be up with your joint child, not him...

When you get home make sure to read his behaviour... Any signs he resents you having been out please reconsider having a dc with him. Incidentally who's idea was trying for a dc together?

I can't believe he opened the bedroom door what an arsehole, .you need to.nip this in the bud op, set him straight once his Dd goes back to her mums .

His child is there for him to spend time with and for him to parent.

People with joint children don’t both get up at the same time when children wake. They take it in turns and let each other get lie ins and rest.

But this is not your child and not your responsibility. You do not need to be getting up or sharing morning duties with him.

If his daughter lives there full time I could understand you helping out sometimes however she doesn’t.

Have a direct and clear conversation with him and say that you have noticed he’s resentful of the fact you get to lie in when his daughter is there and why does he feel it’s ok to aim negative feelings at you just because he’s having to parent his own child.

You need to be having these sort of conversations because you even think about having a child with this man because his behaviour now is a window into the future of how he’ll behave once you have a child together.

If he sees parenting his own child now as a chore, he will with your joint child.

People are very black and white about this kind of thing. You can’t solve it formulaically ‘his child, his job’.

There are loads of situations where you would get up and help a partner. Loads would even drive a partner to an early morning sporting event. You wouldn’t say ‘your marathon, your job’ or whatever.

It definitely isn’t your obligation to get up and I think doing it all the time would be too much. And he shouldn’t be annoyed if you stay in bed.

But, if you are awake anyway, then why not get up and make it more fun for him? If your parents came to stay, would you expect him to get out of bed and be sociable?

He had a family, what happened to that one?

Awww, poor baby, didn't sleep well.... Awwwww

Because if I’m planning to have my own children then they will be siblings who spend weekends together with me and I don’t want them to be treated unequally when they are together.

All of this is why I wouldn’t ever have a blended family though.

By the spunds of it, his expectation is that he married you expecting to do half the work he would have to as a single dad.

How long have you had the feeling he is resentful? What does he do by way of planning quality one to one time with his daughter?

He says DSD wants me to be with her when she wakes up.

If thats true, it will be a good opportunity to explain to her, that we dont always get what we want.

A decent guy would go a step further and remind her how hard you work, explain why you're tired and encourage her to keep the noise down.

I agree that there's an assumption here. I don't think anyone can tell you what you have to do. Anyway what constitutes proper parenting? I didn't dare wake up my mum or dad at 6am nor did I need to- but they are proper parents.

Though perhaps OP needs to talk to DH about boundaries and expectations.

When you get up with him, does he leave you to interact with your dsd? I would definitely re-think having dc with him, there’s no doubt at all that he’ll make you get up every day and remind you of all the times he got up with his own daughter!

😂😂😂 more like HE wants you to

Get up and shut the door and go back to bed.

I'll bet he's the type to suddenly develop an illness, just after you do... and it's FAR worse than you ever had it, so yeah, he'll have to stay in bed, umm and whilst you're still ill, cN you bring him a cup of tea and some paracetamol.... Yeah, you don't get to stay in bed...because you know, you weren't as poorly as he was. Oh, yes, and when you were ill, he just absolutely NEEDED to pop in to the room every so often to ask very important questions like "where's the washing up liquid?" Or "do you know if Susan is still coming over next week?" And "I can't remember what the code is for the shed padlock".

Lots of wise comments on this thread. I would also say that since your DSD is 6, I don’t really see that anyone needs to get up with her. It would be different if she were much younger but at 6 she’s old enough to do her own thing and potter for a bit before the household gets up.

Good opportunity to talk about what all is fair in your relationship. What other things do you do without complaint that he should really take a turn at but doesnt? What do you see the future with bf and overnight Ealing’s multiple times looking like? What about mat pay v his salary how does he see that working out.

Lots to consider here before you procreate and regret it. There are so many on here whose lives have been made significantly worse by having a partner who isn’t really interested in domesticity.

If the DSD were your child you still don't both need to get up.

Suggest that your husband teaches his daughter to read her clock and, unless she is ill, she doesn't disturb other people sleeping until after seven o'clock. She is six and can read, play quietly, listen to birds etc and learn to amuse herself and enjoy her own company.

That's fine.

But the issue here is that the DH essentially wants to opt out of doing the morning shift and dump it on OP.

It would be quite simple to tag team and. have do.DH has Saturday lie in, OP has a Sunday lie in... But DH would renege on Sundays and would find many reasons to interrupt her Sunday lie in... Opening doors, "I'm tired", "DSD wants to see you", "what should I make for breakfast...", "the kids are asking if you're okay...", where are the towels...?", "have we got any tissues, I think I might be coming down something "

His kid, he gets up.

If the roles were reversed, I can guarantee he wouldn't be getting up.

He (and you) should definitely have a think about "wifework" and assumptions before having your own.

No she needs time on her own with her dad

He is being unreasonable. I have 3 kids and I work Saturdays so dh is up with them whilst I'm getting ready for work. On a Sunday we take turns. There is absolutely no need for you both to be up. At 6 quite frankly she is old enough to know that she can play with you later.

The mother probably got fed up with his lazy arse approach to parenting and kicked him out.

You should probably also think carefully about why his first marriage broke up when his child was very young, before having one.

This is BS.

Driving a partner to an early morning sports event is very different to getting up at the same time as them because they have their child over and they have to look after them.

im sure the OP is spending time with them during the day and making an effort. Why should she have to jump up at the crack of dawn to play Mary Poppins when she doesn’t have a child. She works full time, doesn’t have children and is rightfully entitled to have a lie in on her days off.

This man doesn’t have his child 100% of the time. He’s more than capable of waking up early a few days a week to care for his own child.

and yes I’m sure if OP’s parents came to stay she’d be the one getting up to host them because they’re her parents not his.

I think this needs to be discussed in advance. I get up with the kids on Saturday and DH gets up with them on a Sunday. We each still get up at 8 so there’s loads of time to do stuff in the day. Perhaps just talk through what both your expectations are on lie ins now, and in the future with possible further DCs. A good opener to who does what and sharing the workload equally, not just the sleep.