Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

[kindnessforthewin]

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

I hope you’re not being a <checks notes> VULGAR WOMAN <grans smelling salts>

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain

How old are you op? It just strikes me you've grown up being reliant on your phone, for sat nav, to constantly be able to talk to someone to help you etc. Maybe trial a few trips without it so your problem solving can be developed.

Come on now...a grown woman should be able to deal with this. Irritating yes but that's it...mu husband would laugh if I was messaging him over something like that..

You called him once to shout at him?
You should apologise to him for being abusive.

So you didn’t think you WBU then? Why ask?!

So you messaged him to tell him you were lost and he’d sent your to the wrong car park, took a photo of the correct car park to prove you were right and then moaned it took so long to walk the 5 minute walk, messaged dh to moan about nap time and your inability to get into a car park, rang dh to flash the car, shouted at him for babying you.

You don’t want to be babied but you acted like a baby. Your dh could have perhaps said sorry for the (maybe) mistake regarding the car park. But you owe him an apology for spending the entire afternoon on his case about a car park and shouting at him.

Your poor DH having to put up with you. I don’t know how he has the patience to deal with your nonsense. Hopefully you’re no one’s contact in an emergency situation, you’d be useless in a real crisis.

Surely there were others at the party to ask for the exit.
you could look up the town on your laptop and enlarge the street map to see roughly where you are heading before you leave eg it’s just past McDs or near Tesco

Seriously?
You messaged him to tell him it was the wrong car park (annoying but why did he need to know? You could have waited until you got home)
Then you sent a pic to prove it - petty.
Then you were messaging throughout the party.
Then you messaged to tell him you couldn't get into the car park again and DS was going to nap badly (again, what did you want him to do at this point?)
Then called him to flash the car (still don't really get this bit), why couldn't you have just done that with the car keys?

All within, what, less than 2 hours! that's insane.

Not to mention all the faffing around being unable to find an entrance, exit, party venue or your own car without assistance, or walk your 2 year old 5 minutes without being exhausted and stressed - seriously, how much does a balloon weigh? just tie it to your arm or pop it? Same with DS's water - empty it out or get him to drink it if it was so incredibly heavy and unwieldy you couldn't fit it in your bag.

I am almost never on the dh’s side in these posts but the poor man! I wish someone could helicopter in and rescue him from this nitpickery and caterwauling. Poor thing.

Maybe next time have a buggy in the car for emergencies. And sort out your own directions.

Sounds as if you've had a really shit day exacerbated by posting on AIBU.
I have loads of days like this as I'm a hormonal mess. I tend to stay in a lot, which is something you can't really do with young kids.

Sounds as if you've had a really shit day exacerbated by posting on AIBU.
I have loads of days like this as I'm a hormonal mess. I tend to stay in a lot, which is something you can't really do with young kids.

Damn, I should've said that too😂

@LayerCakeOfStrangers I’m sticking up for bullying behaviour on a thread where grown women don’t have the ability to get their point across without being vile to another human being. Or hold any sort of compassion. Really bizarre for a bunch of parents but even more concerning for the children of such people.

you can simply say;

”yes you are being unreasonable, you sound like you allowed stress to get the better of you. This is not the best way to have handle it, and I can understand why your DH could have found this disrespectful. Maybe the best action plan is to apologise and discuss why you were both feeling how you were”

You don’t get a shiny medal from anyone on Mumsnet because you would handle a situation better than another person. You just sound like a bit of an asshole.

No apology? For what??

Time to don your big girl pants and make your own way to the party.

@Lanzarotelady sorry wasn’t keeping close enough tabs on who posted who.

but you sound like a lovely person, enjoy your 4 holidays a year.

I will say though the fact your happiness is dependent on solely material things - I’m embarrassed for you 😉

You asked if you were being unreasonable. They said yes and told you why. You said you didn't like their response so they left as you clearly did not actually WANT anyone to tell you why you were being unreasonable. No one is "scurrying away" - it is just you are responding in much the same way you did when you could not find the car park ... and people simply can't be bothered. If you don't want to be told you were unreasonable, then don't post on AIBU.

YABU however you’ve described what I think sounds like a typical petty nothing to worry about argument with young children-tiredness makes everything so much worse!
I can understand your tiredness and frustrations but your DH was only trying to help. Good to hear it’s all forgotten about now

Combative on mumsnet just like with her dh. Has to get the last word, as she sees it, even if she has to pretend to think people are bowing before her and “scurrying away” when the majority if posters are just rubbernecking at this car crash.

Oh he’s, women should be pliant and naice and never cause a moment’s distress lest they be vulgar

OR - the OP is a grown arse woman who’s ASKED opinions and actually some people in life just need a ruddy good dose of being told like it is - that their behaviour is shitty and rude. I think if the OP had perhaps taken on board the comments saying YABU, she wouldn’t have served a lasting but clearly she came on wanting to be told she’s in the right and not everyone wants to play along

Stop policing the way women talk. Unless you’re a 10 year old girl, I suggest you grow a thicker skin

You sound like an incapable nightmare.

I'm not going to make assumptions or mis-read information or anything else you accuse people of.

You asked if you were being unreasonable... yes you were. Very unreasonable. Based on the information you gave you.

You then doubled down and have been very very very unreasonable with everyone whi responded in a way you didn't agree with.

You come across as someone who is actively looking for an argument- first with your husband and then with everyone on this thread.

I think people like yourself male or female, are vulgar as you don’t seem to be able to get your point across without swearing at, belittling or being condescending towards posters. It would seem you lack the intelligence to comprehend my point though, rather you’ve taken this as an attack to women and our right or speak how we want.

You seem to be a strong advocate for feminism whilst tearing down other women, quite contradictory I must add.

I said myself I don’t agree what OP did was right, but I didn’t have to be a dickhead to get my point across.

Anyway good day, hopefully you are brave enough to treat people in person as you do behind your keyboard. And I sure hope one day you will receive the repercussions of your attitude and actions.