Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

[kindnessforthewin]

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

See above, I had my reasons.

Car parks can be tricky.

YABU and to be honest, sound rather dramatic.

Would you be okay for your husband to shout at you because he's stressed?

Also having young children is extremely stressful sometimes and we all can act completely irrational. I’d love to meet these mothers that never had these issues once they are ready to jump down off their high horse

HALLELUJAH. Exactly, what an over reaction some posters portray, and then every other post in between at the start was saying I was being dramatic. Beggars belief.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sees it.

I can see why you would think this! But tbh it all sounds a bit over dramatic to me...

Life will probably be a bit easier when you stop trying to have the last word and stop trying to control people's reactions/behaviour because you can't which means all that happens is you end up getting frustrated. Be more zen.

People aren't saying that they've never berated their husbands when they shouldn't have. They're saying that when she did it, it was unreasonable.

Yabu, and the vast majority agrees.

So. I did initially vote that you're being unreasonable.

However, I've just given the scenario to my dh and if we were in the same situation, I would have got stressed, phoned him and wanted him to help as much as he can from home 😆
He knows me better than I know myself in certain situations and I would have been getting overwhelmed and panicky.
My dh said he would have apologised though (questionable) 😂

I think you can disagree with someone without being down right rude to them

I’m guessing you are you are nobody’s Emergency Contact. If you’re like this over a minor inconvenience I dread to think what you’re like in an actual crisis.

Don't quite understand the carpark situation but why didn't you have a pushchair with you?

I think none of you are unreasonable. Your dh had good intentions and tried to help you out. You were very stressed and tired over not finding your way (it does sound complicated). I can relate to the fatigue when the children are young but none of you should take it out on the other person. You're a team and noone acted maliciously here.

This is mad. Can’t believe it’s not a reverse. OP do you have form with directions? He asked if you’d find your way back ok? Why did you not check the map before you got out of the car? I think your DH deserves the apology

I get you OP. My DH is also very bad for not even having the slightest remorse when his fuck ups make things much harder for me. I suspect this isn’t one issue, but is part of a pattern and today really got to you. You are not unreasonable for being annoyed. Of course there were things you could have done differently, but he should also recognise his part in the mess.

Are you feeling stressed/ burnt out in general at the moment? I know I've sometimes been a bit like this with my DH, and for me, it's always a signal that I need to look at what is really going on. It doesn't excuse the behaviour, but might be worth a thought OP.

But I think the question really is

would you have come to AIBU and bad tempered and when posters say “yes, YABU” start to snap the heads off of said posters to prove that in fact you don't your temper unnecessarily.

We all get stressed - especially when lost and trying to get somewhere in time.

Most of is apologise.

The bit I don’t get is OP has made up with her DH but is irrationally annoyed with us all for not saying he’s unreasonable when it’s over.

Sometimes MN is like being in the toddler room at nursery 😂

I am not unhappy in my own life at all.
I am in a well paid job, mortgage free, great sex life, regular breaks and 4 foreign holidays a year

Yep. You are so out of line. He did what I presume you both work to and this time the satnav wasn’t helpful. He didn’t do anything wrong. Had he put the party address in and that caused a problem for you finding a car park, you’d be on here complaining that he should have put a car park in.

there are mistakes and there are just unfortunate outcomes. This is just an unfortunate outcome and you’ve expected apologies and shouted at him.

you need to do some humble pie eating and if I was him I’d leave the sat nav to you in future so you can’t blame him

Reading the OP anyone'd think you'd been left alone to trek across the Sahara without the camel.

Your husband is right, you were disrespectful to him, and going by your responses on this thread, that's your default position.

YABU and horrible to your DH. Sort your own directions out next time if you know best.

It's normal to get stressed sometimes but your reaction towards your DH wasn't fair. He tried to help, got it wrong and bore the brunt of your frustrations. If you were stuck, you should have pulled over and re-navigated, or asked for directions.

I'm glad you've made up but try not to let the little things become big things - it's not worth it

I know it's early but can I offer you a 🍷and one for your DP too, sounds like you are both a bit fraught. And the sun's over the yardarm .

FWIW I've enjoyed reading how you've handled yourself on this thread. If you have any free time could I suggest that the England cricket team sign you up because you've done a magnificent job of batting back some of these interesting replies you've had!

Ok. So he could do that, not because he actually did anything wrong but just because you seem to want that.

But what you did is SO much worse yet you appear to have no remorse , intention to apologise and seem to feel entitled to behave the way you did

he didn’t do anything wrong yet you think he should apologise. You did do stuff wrong yet you feel justified. 🫤