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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

235 replies

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 14:35

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

OP posts:
Titasaducksarse · 13/09/2025 15:44

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:31

I clearly got out of the car park though didn’t I as my next sentence said I found a way. Problem solving abilities seem fine. Could only get out via an industrial delivery point and in via a dark and dangerous ramp for cars. Do you always dramatise things you’ve heard/read?

Oh my
The saying involving 'pot' and 'kettle' springs to mind.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:44

60andcounting · 13/09/2025 15:42

I don't know if yabu but your answers sound like
'I know you are, but what am I?'

Do they? Or if you look closer am I merely correcting those who are jumping to incorrect conclusions and/or being unnecessarily unkind.

OP posts:
Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 13/09/2025 15:44

Christ op you've birthed 2 dc. You can navigate getting to a party and back....
Or does dh make you think you need his assistance?

Itdoesntmatteranyway · 13/09/2025 15:45

I think he tried his best but it wasn’t what you needed at the time. I think you didn’t really communicate what you needed from him and he probably felt you were being unfair because he’d tried to help. I think kids parties can be stressful.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 15:45

It's amazing how some people struggle to function in the adult world.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:47

Titasaducksarse · 13/09/2025 15:09

You're not very resilient are you?

What are you basing that on please.

OP posts:
kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:47

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 15:45

It's amazing how some people struggle to function in the adult world.

You are referring to me? How so?

OP posts:
Laundrywitch · 13/09/2025 15:47

Do you both hold down jobs? Can’t believe this is two grown parents rambling about nothing unless neither of you have never had responsibilities in the past!

Owly11 · 13/09/2025 15:48

Wtf has any of this to do with your dh? Why were you even messaging him? YABVVVU.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:48

Itdoesntmatteranyway · 13/09/2025 15:45

I think he tried his best but it wasn’t what you needed at the time. I think you didn’t really communicate what you needed from him and he probably felt you were being unfair because he’d tried to help. I think kids parties can be stressful.

Yes I agree, it wasn’t intentional and he was trying to help and proudly said he had set it to the car park. It was helpful until it wasn’t. Kids parties and tired 2 year olds are a fabulous combo, definitely at the best of times before the extra Duke of Edinburgh to navigate the car park.

OP posts:
Sunnyscribe · 13/09/2025 15:49

You sound very stressed. It sounds like it was a stressful moment. Your husband was trying to help you but his help turned out to add more stress onto you. It's easy to feel annoyed at them in these situations but it's not his fault obviously. I would just apologize and say you were stressed and that you shouldn't have taken it out on him and try and move on.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself either, life with 2 young children can be very stressful logistically and children get in the way or your relationship.

purpleme12 · 13/09/2025 15:49

All sounds like a mountain over a molehill

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:49

Laundrywitch · 13/09/2025 15:47

Do you both hold down jobs? Can’t believe this is two grown parents rambling about nothing unless neither of you have never had responsibilities in the past!

What do you think the answer to that is.

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 13/09/2025 15:49

If you thought the sat nav was wrong, you could have reprogrammed it.
If you wanted to park closer to the party venue, you could have.
If you wanted to make the lights flash on the car, you could have with your car keys.
If you realise your child is too heavy to carry, you could have taken the pram.

Maybe being more independent would help you in the future.

Notmyreality · 13/09/2025 15:49

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:47

What are you basing that on please.

Every single one of your posts.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 15:49

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:47

You are referring to me? How so?

It just didn't need to be that difficult, did it. The whole thing is a non-issue.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:49

purpleme12 · 13/09/2025 15:49

All sounds like a mountain over a molehill

Agree and Mt. Everest after it goes on AIBU.

OP posts:
Shoulderss · 13/09/2025 15:50

If I presumed to put unasked for directions in my husbands phone for where he was taking the children, I think its pretty basic to make sure they are correct.
I absolutely would apologise profusely if I fxxked them up.
I'd actually be a mortified.
OP, yanbu to have been pissed off.
Glad you have made up.
Lesson learned re directions going forward.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:51

Sunnyscribe · 13/09/2025 15:49

You sound very stressed. It sounds like it was a stressful moment. Your husband was trying to help you but his help turned out to add more stress onto you. It's easy to feel annoyed at them in these situations but it's not his fault obviously. I would just apologize and say you were stressed and that you shouldn't have taken it out on him and try and move on.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself either, life with 2 young children can be very stressful logistically and children get in the way or your relationship.

Agree on all counts. Physically I just couldn’t carry him today. Such is life.

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 13/09/2025 15:51

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:41

No. Do you ask because I’ve corrected those who jumped to incorrect conclusions and/or who are unnecessarily unkind.

It might seem unorthodox on a mn thread, but I’d correct anyone IRL who listened to something I said gave advice but repeated back incorrect information when doing so. Why not on here?

No I ask because you're pointlessly arguing with strangers on the Internet. Most people think you have acted a bit bonkers and I wondered if it was down to being pissed 😂.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:52

Shoulderss · 13/09/2025 15:50

If I presumed to put unasked for directions in my husbands phone for where he was taking the children, I think its pretty basic to make sure they are correct.
I absolutely would apologise profusely if I fxxked them up.
I'd actually be a mortified.
OP, yanbu to have been pissed off.
Glad you have made up.
Lesson learned re directions going forward.

Thank you, I appreciate that! Same, I would have been so mortified, I know how a 5 min walk with a 2 year old can descend into chaos post party and when nap is overdue. Cake sugar crash didn’t help :)

OP posts:
Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 15:53

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:51

Agree on all counts. Physically I just couldn’t carry him today. Such is life.

He made one small mistake and you made everything a 1000x more difficult than it had to be.

purpleme12 · 13/09/2025 15:53

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:49

Agree and Mt. Everest after it goes on AIBU.

Well I kind of meant you had made it like that, but yes the whole thread hasn't helped but I think that's due to both posters on here and you, and it's coming across that you just like the back and forth with everyone.

kindnessforthewin · 13/09/2025 15:53

Sugargliderwombat · 13/09/2025 15:51

No I ask because you're pointlessly arguing with strangers on the Internet. Most people think you have acted a bit bonkers and I wondered if it was down to being pissed 😂.

Just standing my ground because the first half a dozen responses were down right unnecessary. I’m feeling quite empowered tbh but most of them have stopped. I wonder if those replying just assume the average AIBU poster is a bit weak, and then quickly scurry away when proven otherwise. Just a hunch.

OP posts:
Username974338884 · 13/09/2025 15:53

Yet ANOTHER AIBU thread with VULGAR women responding.

“grow up”
”you need to work on yourself”
“I am embarrassed for you”

you are not going to ever get a kind or simple response from a bunch of anonymous people who come on here to let out their anger on others because they are unhappy in their own lives.

Honest advice, I think DH was just trying to be helpful. It didn’t work out, it is annoying but not his fault. I’d apologise for calling him to shout at him (it’s easy when you are stressed to take it out on other) and move on. x