Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

[kindnessforthewin]

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

And a skill that not everyone can master. Sorry but it’s a scientific fact that men are better at it than women.

I see it too OP. Being saying it for ages.

Unless your DH told you to walk up the ramp then it was you who put yourself and your son in danger.
You obviously believe you weren't unreasonable so why bother to ask?

He didn’t have anything to apologise for though
Come on - you’re a big girl now with children. It seems like you haven’t got much resilience and find life hard. Is that the case? The things you encountered over the day in question are such small stumbling blocks. Anyone should be able to find strategies to cope and overcome them.
Have you been babied throughout your life?

I wouldn't have taken one either for an almost 3 year old to walk for a few minutes tbh. My recently turned 3 year old has been walking to school and back to collect her older siblings (with us 😂) since the beginning of the year and it's a mile each way sometimes uphill. I understand not all children are the same but I would have thought a child of that age could have managed a 5 minute walk?

You got stressed, then you both had an argument. You were both just in the thick of it. Normal in parentland, just sit down and chill together tonight and laugh about it x

You got massively worked up over nothing and then nitpicked at your DH who didn’t really do anything wrong, all because you apparently couldn’t accomplish a very normal task without him while he was busy with your other kid? Sorry, yeah, YABVU.

Look, I’m dyspraxic and I have severe - and I mean severe - difficulties with navigation and spatial memory. Like, off the scale bad. So I do understand how stressful it is when you’re lost and rushing. But you’ve hugely overreacted to everything here and I feel really sorry for your DH.

Why was your 2 year old tired after a five minute walk from the carpark to the party?! Does he not walk often? This is insane

Did everyone else read all of that nonsense? 🥱

And then I checked Google maps and it was a 5 minute walk away!
And....

@Lanzarotelady why are you telling me, I couldn’t care less. You have just said everyone’s touching OP nerves but it seems my post has touched a nerve of yours if you felt the need to respond.

No I’m not angry at all. You are being completely unreasonable and the vast majority of people have said so.

You are deflecting by attacking those who don’t agree with you with accusations and generalising statements.

Your behaviour to your OH isn’t reasonable. If you didn’t want people to give you advice then don’t ask. We aren’t all angry, wrong, etc etc because we are calling you out.

You are deflecting taking responsibility because you want to be right.

Reading this thread, and the small number of people agreeing with thr op I can see why divorce happens so much.

op, you’re acting like you’re taking on all comers and somehow proving a point wit this whole I’m correcting inaccuracy thing, when in fact, you’re coming across like you’re belligerent, angry and embarassed by the fact people are calling you out on your behaviour.

looks it’s your marriage, and your kids, your husband is right, it’s not ok to behave like that snd to teach them that, to see you calling their father to shout at him, to become so stressed, you clearly couldn’t think straight and needed help.

when you’ve finished with your fighting, I’d take some time to reflect on how you behave, how you treat your husband, and what you’re demonstrating to your children about who you are. It is not something to be admired, I can assure you.

Why couldn't you have walked through the shopping centre to get outside?

I’m feeling quite empowered tbh but most of them have stopped. I wonder if those replying just assume the average AIBU poster is a bit weak, and then quickly scurry away when proven otherwise. Just a hunch.

I'm not sure that many people want to spend an hour and a half online battling with strangers. That doesn't sound empowering to me, it sounds like quite a waste of time.
What you see as weakness I'd see as somebody leaving a fruitless exercise and getting on with real life.

I still don't get why you didn't check the venue and parking beforehand. So DH picked a car park he thought would be handy and programmed it in your phone/sat nav. I still don't know why considering you were the one going you didn't check this yourself in advance. If I am going to a party and don't really know the area/venue then I tend to look it up and will even do a street view on Google maps. Might be worth doing in future to avoid these situations!

So an entire drama that could have been avoided by you sorting out your own phone/sat nav. The amount of interaction you needed to complete a trip to a party with one toddler is over the top. You seem argumentative and have to be right as shown by your messages to dh (pics of the car park) and then the sniping at any poster who dare to suggest you were BU.
Your partner is totally right btw you are teaching your child calling him to berate and shout is acceptable behaviour...would you be ok with his future partner doing that to him?

We will.

Why do you need your husband to be your navigator? Learn to get around by yourself. Honestly, this place is so weird sometimes.

Er, where's the science? Link to documentation? How large is your data set?

That's why you just go out through the shopping centre and walk back round. I've done almost exactly this in a local carpark AND the ticket machines weren't working and I'd both kids and it was madness. I was late to where I was going but meh, sometimes you're late to things especially with toddlers.

Are you always this ragey? Do you frequently take the kids out on your own? You sound like some women I know who only go anywhere when both parents are available.

I'm not sure why you feel empowered arguing with unknown people on MN when you couldn't get out of a car park.

Maybe learning some life skills would actually help with empowerment.

You said people who respond with “I am embarrassed for you”
Which was my comment .

You then said - you are not going to ever get a kind or simple response from a bunch of anonymous people who come on here to let out their anger on others because they are unhappy in their own lives.

I was pointing out I am not unhappy in my own life.

This thread has to be a windup. Your username is an utter joke in the circumstances.

Fucking hell OP you aren’t a delicate flower or a Victorian maiden, how on earth is 5 minutes an exhausting stressful walk?! Mine could walk for miles by the age of 3 without barely breaking a sweat!

You don’t do much for feminism when you need a man to guide you ever step of the way on a simple day out. Poor bloke was only trying to help.

Im not sure it’s your DH’s fault that for whatever reason you had a series of brain fart moments where you could do simple things like find an exit, find an entrance or find your car. Does this happen often?! If my DH was messaging me saying he couldn’t execute simple tasks that even a child could navigate I think I’d reply telling him to stop being such a dumbarse and leave me alone.

Parking dilemmas are indeed stressful and I’ve had the odd almost-onset of an adult tantrum when rushing back to a parked car or trying not to scream when I’ve been blocked in. But what people usually do is get over it in 10 minutes and sheepishly look back at their behaviour as being silly and melodramatic. Which is what you should do and you should apologise to your DH.

And it’s also not cool to get huffy at posters who don’t say “Aw hun you’re in the right he should apologise” and only agree with posters making misogynistic comments. It IS amusing for the rest of us though so crack on