Starting to wonder if DH is right and I’m disrespectful?

[kindnessforthewin]

Took DC1 (almost 3) to party this morning. DH stayed at home with DC2 (under weather from nursery/sleeping).

DH helped me leave, took my phone and put in address to car park then connected to car, so I just got in car and left.

When arrived didn’t recognise it, only been to this party venue once; the car park was opposite but i thought just different entrance. Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level.

Finally found a way out into the deliveries section, definitely wasn’t for the public, had no idea where I was, messaged DH saying I’m so lost then google maps told me I was 5 min walk away! Not opposite like last time. I said wrong car park, he said no just you left wrong exit.

Got to party, saw the right carpark and took a pic; also said DC1 was so tired as took so long to get out carpark and walk (no pram). No apology, and then during party DH said ‘it was wrong car park are you going to find way back there ok?’ No apology. I said yes just same way we came.

Was dreading walk back; DC1 still naps and it was right over nap time so left a bit early and had to carry all 17.5kg him (plus party bag, balloon, my bag, his water). If I thought getting out was hard, getting in was impossible, tried the fire exit door I left from but no access from outside; messages DH to say we are stuck and nap time is going to be hard as he’s so exhausted, replied ‘oh no’.

Then walked up entrance ramp to get in, dangerous, and we are so tired from trying to get in anyway. Then couldn’t find car as I knew it was level 2 but it was labelled as 1A, man told me to go down to level 1 but I knew it wasn’t but also couldn’t see car. Called DH to ask him to beep/flash car from app and of course was stressed, so shouted saying I wish he didn’t baby me and just put the address of party in, I was ok to find car parking, etc.

When I got home (DC1 fell asleep in car) DH wouldn’t talk to me; I said it was stressful and when I asked why he was ignoring me he said that I’m disrespectful and shouldn’t call him up purely to shout and I’m teaching DC1 that’s ok. I was calling him to beep/flash primarily but it was really stressful in the moment with such a tired toddler.
My shoulder and hip is already in bits from being on mat leave for a year with DC2 who is now 10kg, have been exited about him starting nursery a couple days as they’re big kids and my body needs a break. Not today. It was painful and stressful.

I do get stressed at him over things from time to time but wondering if that’s normal with a young family.

AIBU to be so stressed in the moment and also to want an apology or acknowledgment for his error? I couldn’t imagine doing that and not being so apologetic. I know he didn’t mean it, he was trying to help but my word did it cause so much stress. I don’t get he didn’t say my mistake so sorry hope it’s ok.

You’re right OP.

You are an angry person being angry.

You and to walk for 5 minutes and you could have put the venue once in yourself when you got in the car but you didn’t.

Your DH made a mistake.

He don’t baby you. He tried to help and you acted like a baby.

we all get stressed at times. Just apologise to him and move on.

I quite often park in a shopping centre car park, walk through the centre and exit to the street. This wasn't possible? Or it was a shopping centre you didn't know so didn't know if it was an option?

Honestly, I’m fine but thank you, I just want to stick to facts and correct those who are wrong, also unnecessary unkindness and for what, I won’t stand for that. But I’m definitely not stressed.

Coming from the person who came “out the gates” to her partner fully accusatory and was unkind to him😂 pot kettle do you think?

Finding car parking in an unfamiliar place can be stressful and discomforting. Yes, you shouldn’t have snapped at your husband but you’ll have both forgotten about it tomorrow.

Correct and from doing that walk the sports centre wasn’t actually on the side of the shopping centre at all, maybe I’m wrong but I got our through some industrial way and back in via the ramp. Was quite scary though.

Again, how strange coming from an OP who was themselves unnecessarily unkind to their partner. Bizarre

“Couldn’t get out carpark; all signs were for shopping centre and I needed street level”

There was no need to repeat yourself, we can all read. You literally wrote that you ‘couldn’t get out carpark’. The only confusion is why you seem to be so incompetent and have no problem solving abilities. You’re welcome.

Correct! We made up already. Thanks! Happy Saturday to you.

Actually I’m going to go against the grain slightly. If I had sent my DH to the wrong car park like that, I would be saying sorry. If he then ranted at me I would be annoyed, but I would definitely apologise first.
So, YANB completely U!

If you're genuinely interested in kindness you should take on board what everyone has told you. Just because you made up, doesn't meant that you didnt' treat him badly.

You honestly wonder how some people get up in the morning and put their clothes on the right way around without detailed instructions and someone to blame when it’s too hard.

Explain further please?

You can’t have this both ways…

If you want to have this breathtaking level of dependence on someone else to manage adult life, you cant then offload onto them when they make a small mistake. If you don’t want him to “baby” you, don’t be a baby.

As a grown adult with a child you really should be able to read a SATNAV and find your way out of a car park.

I'm perfectly independent and capable of looking after lots of children in difficult situations, but I might well have called my husband under the same circumstances when I was late and stressed and he had sent me to the wrong place. Why not? We're supposed to be a team and help each other.

I would definitely have apologised when I got home if I'd lost my temper with him, and he would have apologised for making an already difficult afternoon that bit more difficult, even if only inadvertently. Then we would have forgotten all about it and moved on.

Which it sounds as though you have. I wouldn't take too many of these comments to heart. None of what happened during one stressful afternoon proves you to be lacking in resilience or abusive or whatever. You just had a bad afternoon. It happens.

I’m not sure I want to take on board ‘grow up OP’ and ‘get some grown up knickers’ unhelpful and unkind responses will not be taken on board. Others will. But thanks.

Thank you. Restored my faith in AIBU. It does make me wonder why people say unhelpful things, wondering how I get up and get dressed for example. Have a nice day.

I read the satnav fine? Just want populated to the wrong car park. I found my way out the car park, thanks, just with difficulty as it isn’t destined to get anyone to street level. I’m perfectly independent. Do you always jump to wrong conclusions IRL or…?

Right! Just say oooops I’m sorry. Tired 2 year old and physical pain, walking round in circles to get into car park then putting us in danger by entering via the ramp in a dark dirty car park is no fun. Even if unintended.

I clearly got out of the car park though didn’t I as my next sentence said I found a way. Problem solving abilities seem fine. Could only get out via an industrial delivery point and in via a dark and dangerous ramp for cars. Do you always dramatise things you’ve heard/read?

Unnecessarily is subjective.

Ok then let's stick to the facts.

You are being unreasonable. Your DH had nothing to apologise for. You owe him an apology for your behaviour though.

So he accidentally put in the wrong car park.

What was stopping you changing it & going to the right one?

I think for most people this would be defined as asking a passing man for help.🤦‍♀️

Did I? Where did I write that. I messaged him to say it was the wrong car park which I couldn’t get out of. Was a FYI. Did you want me to lie? Not sure that’s coming straight at the gates fully accusatory.