Am I Being Unreasonable? Friend Upset I Won't Go Away for Her Birthday

[Reasonablemary]

I'm married and have a 17-month-old baby. A friend of mine, who is single with no kids and a very lonely person, invited me to her birthday weekend away. I'm one of the few people she has, so I feel terrible for leaving her behind. I don't want to be one of those people who completely neglects their friends after having a kid.

I turned her down, and she got really upset. She said, "Can't you spend one single night away from your toddler?"

AIBU to not want to go?

Who said anything about putting “nights out above your kids”. It’s perfectly possible to have kids & have friends.

You also seem overly focused on the cost of alcohol. There are plenty of ways to socialise including on a weekend away that don’t involve going on a bender.

I socialise with other adult friends as well as family without alcohol all the time. Or if I do consume alcohol it’s never at the level that it would impact whether I take a trip with my kids,

I do wonder when I read posts like this how old these 'grateful' children are and if the parents - who are so convinced that their chosen way is the best way - realise that these grateful children will grow up and leave their parents, as they should.
What then happens to these parents, with no friends and no network?
I imagine the grateful children will be on MN in years to come bleating about the pressure from their parents who took them on Moomin cruises.

I think @banananas1999 has an incredibly warped sense of what socialising is. I may sit in a pub with friends but we're not getting bladdered..last time all but one of us was driving. It's a nice environment to sit in and chat, reminisce. We visit places that mean something to us.
Re doing things first ...that's fine if you meet your future husband young, but if you don't meet until your thirties, you don't have a decade to do your own thing. A few years maybe but if you want kids and you wait til 40, it's a gamble. Just maths and biology really. How odd to assume everyone has met their partner at 20.

People want to, which is the point. I know people loathe birthdays on MN, but in the real world people enjoy celebrating the birthdays of friends and family.

I agree. How sad to model to your child a life without friends. Very lonely indeed.

Nah, the point is nobody has to and nobody normal would throw a fit over someone saying No. She can just have a dinner or a lunch like a normal person. OP has done absolutely nothing wrong. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

Nah. Birthday weekends for the win! 🥳

Nah. That's fine for you and anyone who fancies it.

But, of course, you'd be an absolute fucking lunatic and over-entitled nightmare to get upset at someone saying no thanks to that suggestion.

You keep saying "normal person" like a weekend away is some insane, bizarre request like asking someone to climb Everest. And she hasn't said her friend has or will "throw a fit". Why are you so determined to up the ante on this? Id the op doesn't want to go, then ok, but I do think unless you'd viscerally hate it or actually COULDN'T go and you know it would mean a lot to friend, then do go. I completely get the idea of not people pleasing and being assertive but there's also being selfish, inert and a bit thoughtless. Only the OP knows the exact dynamics of this friendship and this request so we can't judge if she's letting down a friend unreasonably or having fair boundaries.

Nah. What I said was she can be happy with a dinner or lunch, like a nomal person.

Don't try to jam words down people's throats, it makes you sound a bit dim.

I personally went away for my last birthday, but I am a normal person and not an over entitled lunatic, so if my friend couldn't have made it or simply said No thanks for any reason, I would have been happy with dinner, or lunch.

Like a normal person.

Well, it seems that the ‘normal’/average MN poster has no friends so the concept of a birthday weekend is some sort of mythical fantasy…

Nah. It's just abnormal to be an over entitled lunatic who throws a shit fit when someone says no thanks, and doesn't just accept dinner or lunch instead. Like a normal person.

Nah. Normal people don’t refer to themselves as normal this much I’m afraid, and are capable of starting a sentence without saying ‘nah’ repeatedly 🤣

Weekends a way,even without alcohol costs quite a bit these days- considering the costs of meals out, travel, hotel etc. UK stay for a week is about 2000 these days, even a few days will cost a few hundred with everything added up. My husband and I are on the same page, we both have people we talk to when we run into them/message but we are not extending ourselves to the point where we stay away from the family or use any of the fun funds for purely for ourselves, our older children have thanked us for being the way we are as they see from their friends the different types of parents and the choices some parents make.

Nah. You're obviously projecting and now that you have been called out as an over entitled lunatic are raging mad 😅😂😆

Stop saying "nah"..it makes you look a bit dim 🙄

How old are your kids? Congratulations on showing us all how to be the best parents by the way

Okay I see that you’ve descended into full blown delusion at this point. You obviously have some mental challenges. No one has t thrown a fit or seems ‘raging mad’ here except you.

Nah 🤣

So yep, OP it''s obviously totally normal and fine to say no thanks to a weekend away for a birthday.

Your friend should have been happy with dinner or lunch, like a normal person.

I don't have time to keep swatting all the over entitled crackpots on this thread - so just imagine I kept repeating this every time you tried and failed to score a point when repetitively responding to me😂

People can and do go away for weekends for their birthdays - including me - but only over entitled lunatics think saying No to that is any kind of problem.

Probably best to distance yourself from her, her over entitled lunacy likely won't improve over time.

I mean… if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

So you never arrange to meet with another adult you isn’t related to you? Even for lunch, a walk of a coffee?

I don’t know any adult who doesn’t socialise outside of their family circle, I’ve never met one.

Your comment about not needing a friend since the age of 7 is a very unusual way of thinking.

Yes, some parents make bad choices, you can give tons of energy to your kids and still have friends.

There were stages of my life when I was more than happy for my parents to run around after me (teens/early 20s), then my dad died and my mum is now very lonely. And I carry the weight of that.

Nobody has thrown a "shit fit", nobody is acting like an "entitled lunatic ". What the fuck is wrong with you/your reading skills? Why do you keep on repeating this over and over again?

Quite! Utterly delusional, the poster is responding in a weirdly repetitive way about a scenario that hasn’t been described in the OP. More and more on MN I see posters using hyperbole and personal insults to attempt to win points on the internet. Sad.

Exactly that about carrying the weight of lonely parents in later life.
I think a lot of people don't consider this.

I think people also massively underestimate how easy it is to pick up a social life from nothing. It's really hard these days even for people that are quite socially adept.