Is she being unreasonable? Parental childcare split.

[13MAPARTHELL]

So my brothers ex, who they share a baby and 4 year old with - is really getting him down.

he works really long shifts at the police, she has his work schedule from when they were together & so he has them every single day that hes not working, about 3 times a week and 2 over nights which is fine.

anytime hes asked for a day off, hes met with attitude and shamed. But, her mum has them also once a week and helps frequently.

he pays £500 a month, £200 over what CMS say.
and also pays for them, clothes and activities etc of course when he has them

he lives an hour away, but hes very devoted, he comes frequently at random to collect 4 year old from school etc. he recently said that the monday morning 5:45 wake up to get ready for school on time with the commute is impacting 4 year old, and he was met with being shamed, saying ‘oh so you have a Sunday night alone’ etc

its really getting him down, and absolutely nothing is good enough, no money is enough etc

what really can he do, or whats the best way to sort this mess out?

Yabu. Parenting is hard, and he doesn’t stop being a parent just because they are separated.

What break is mum getting?

Why did they split?

4 days a week & 2 nights and they also are in childcare full time

Most parents care for their children whenever they are not working…

No and he clearly hasnt, she gets angry whenever she has to have her children

If the DD has to be at school by, say, 8.45 and he lives an hour away, he needs to leave home at 7.45 so why he’s getting up at 5.45 I don’t know!

The cms payments are a bare minimum, if he can afford more and wants to pay it then why not?
They are sharing time with the children so seems reasonable.
But the early wake up for the toddler isn't great, surely there is an alternative to this?

Its rush hour he has to leave before that

He could always move closer then. Did he move away from them or did his ex move?

Butt out

Your brother needs to Parent up and stop bitching to his sister

Who moved an hour away?

your brother?

or your new boyfriend?

Does she work?

Tell him welcome to being a parent😂 he has them 2 nights a week OP he’s not in the running for dad of the year

Perhaps some mediation would improve the situation.

He had to move in with my mum, if he lived closer he wouldn’t be able to pay probably any CMS or have them overnight it costs about £1200 for a 1 bed flat

He has them every weekend a night in the week and monday night

id never date a police officer hahha

Maybe his mum can help out then if he’s living in her house?

Who moved away and why isn’t he doing 50/50? Shift work isn’t an excuse. It’s not up to the mum to make all the career related sacrifices.

She gets angry whenever he wants a "day off" and for her to pick up the slack???

If he want a day off he needs to arrange a childminder or family- not expect her to change her plans.

Op you have much much bigger things to focus on that your brother trying to bail on his own children

I’m not sure to be honest. I’m trying to acknowledge my own biases while I’m reading this but most people I know are either working or parenting and this doesn’t seem that much different tbh. It’s clear from the the message though that your brother feels he is doing more than he should (or maybe you feel this) despite the fact that 3 days and 2 nights isn’t half of the week.

You often do find though that once couples separate, men get a shock when they realise that they haven’t been doing their fair share all along.

Cms is bare minimum. Paying over it is not evidence of a devoted parent.

if the kids are in full time childcare presumably she works full time. I also presume her mum helps out around school/etc with the 4year old.

police shifts are a bloody nightmare. Does he do days and nights and moving around?

she could be a lot more difficult than she is. She doesn’t have to facilitate shift work and could insist on 50:50 on a fixed schedule which would really fuck up his work/childcare needs etc.

why is he an hour away from their school?