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Feel so bitter about a group of friends and want to know how to move on

157 replies

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:39

I have moved on in the sense of stopping contacting them, but I'm angry at myself for being such a mug for so many years.
Yes, they are entitled to want to move on from me too, which they did a long time ago and I was too blind to see it.

I'm someone who likes to change my hairstyle often, no particular reason, I just like changing things up. I've lived abroad in a couple of countries and moved a little bit in the UK, which I'm glad I've been able to do.

I've changed jobs a little too. It's just the sort of person I am, however it's very different from who they are.
They are mostly people who've been in the same company since we graduated 15 years ago, same hairstyle, same town etc.
There's nothing wrong with that either and I also sometimes wish I had their stability. The problem is they seem to see me as some sort of freak or outcast for it and made little jibes whenever I saw them.
It was very subtle, wasn't outward nasty comments but very passive aggressive and sort of 'oh, moved again have you?' With a judgmental look.

At school I was a straight A student and got teased a little for being a 'geek'. Their grades weren't as good, none of which matters now, I went to a 'prestigious' uni and they didn't, again none of which matters.

They've done well in their careers and are all in senior management now, as well as having married men on high salaries. Most have kids and live in large homes.
I feel, especially from one of them there's an air of superiority. She seems to boast about how much their car was and what fancy features it has, and made some sort of comment about my 'lack of stability'.

I have forked out a fortune over the years on their weddings, hen dos and baby showers. None of them in over 12 years have ever been to see me, once. I live an hour away, it's hardly the end of the world. I have travelled to them for 12 years.
I get rubbish excuses like 'Oh I don't like cities' (yet goes to them when it suits her)

I am finally done with this group of horrible women. So angry at myself for being a mug for so many years. One had a baby 2 months ago, sent my congratulations and said it'd be lovely to meet her baby boy, read it and never heard a word back.
How do I stop being such a mug and finally move on?

I haven't passed my driving test which is a sore point, yet im finally hoping to this year. One of them made a jibe 'Oh, you'd know all about public transport wouldn't you.'
Why are people like this? Finally I have a couple of friends who are actual friends.

OP posts:
Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:41

When I say I change my hairstyle, I mean I might sometimes go for extensions, or cut it a bit shorter, but I've mainly had the same style for the last 2 years.

OP posts:
nomas · 11/09/2025 14:42

All you can do is block and delete them. No more birthday cards, texts or presents.

Give yourself 10 minutes a day to think about them, but then after that, if you start thinking about them, get up and do something else.

Pretty soon you won't need that 10 minutes per day.

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:43

I bought a place on my own which was an achievement for me. They all bought with their husbands, I invited them several times to a housewarming, but I guess because it's not a baby or a wedding it's of zero importance 🙄🙄

I was offering various dates and stuff and just got completely ignored. Yet they were happy for me to travel every time to them.

OP posts:
Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:45

So tempted to leave the WhatsApp group but it'll probably just give them ammunition to laugh at me?
I've got a male friend in his 40s, he works as a TA and lives in a houseshare, single no kids etc. And he's one of the happiest guys I know.

I wouldn't dream of looking down on him or making jibes, I love how he lives life.

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 11/09/2025 14:45

Your whole hairstyle, job, car size thing.is weird to me. People move on naturally from friendships all the time, why is it such a big deal?

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:46

Barnbrack · 11/09/2025 14:45

Your whole hairstyle, job, car size thing.is weird to me. People move on naturally from friendships all the time, why is it such a big deal?

I'm just outlining the sort of comments I get, just because it's a bit diffsrent to them. I know people move on but I got invited to their weddings and so on, yet when I dared try to invite them to my new home it was like, oh we couldn't possibly travel an entire hour to see you?!

OP posts:
CatsAreCool222 · 11/09/2025 14:47

These people aren't your friends. Block and move on

MotherofPufflings · 11/09/2025 14:49

Rather than leave the WhatsApp group chat, why not just archive it? Less drama and eventually they'll realise that you're not responding anymore.

TwelvePercent · 11/09/2025 14:52

So tempted to leave the WhatsApp group but it'll probably just give them ammunition to laugh at me?

What other people do behind your back is none of your business. And not your concern either.

If it would bring you peace to delete the group chat, so you don't feel tempted to check it, or see another jibe, then get rid.

We all feel hurt when people we thought were good friends let us down, and we go out separate ways but generally life improves when people like that disappear.

honeylulu · 11/09/2025 14:58

You've outgrown these friends and have nothing in common. The comments about your differences seem a bit nasty but some people feel "safer" in a birds of a feather type group where everyone has similar lives. The comments might be rooted in fear or envy or possibly bafflement that you have made choices outside the norm.

Let them fade away. I'm sure you have other friends you have more in common with.

JustTalkToThem · 11/09/2025 15:01

Yup you do sound bitter. Do yourself and them a favour and move on.

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:04

JustTalkToThem · 11/09/2025 15:01

Yup you do sound bitter. Do yourself and them a favour and move on.

Ok, sorry can you explain how I'd be doing them a favour when it's them who treat me like this?

OP posts:
Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:05

Yeah, maybe they like that they're all the same and I'm a bit different as it makes them feel good about myself.
The best thing is to not waste another second pretending they exist.

OP posts:
PumpkinSeasonOctober · 11/09/2025 15:06

Silently walk away.
Remove yourself from groups, delete their contacts and never give them a second thought.

Newgirls · 11/09/2025 15:07

Friends are meant to bring you joy. I’d mute and park them for a while as sometimes people grow up/change/move nearer and you might have more in common again. No drama just find people you prefer to hang out with

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:08

I've been nothing but nice to them, don't understand how people can treat you like this especially when I'm the one always putting in the money and effort.
I have actually spoken to them a couple of times in the past about it but nothing changed.

OP posts:
nomas · 11/09/2025 15:09

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:45

So tempted to leave the WhatsApp group but it'll probably just give them ammunition to laugh at me?
I've got a male friend in his 40s, he works as a TA and lives in a houseshare, single no kids etc. And he's one of the happiest guys I know.

I wouldn't dream of looking down on him or making jibes, I love how he lives life.

The beauty of leaving the WhatsApp group is you’ll never know what they’re saying about you.

Block and delete, it’s the only way to have a fresh start without them.

Pezdeoro41 · 11/09/2025 15:10

honeylulu · 11/09/2025 14:58

You've outgrown these friends and have nothing in common. The comments about your differences seem a bit nasty but some people feel "safer" in a birds of a feather type group where everyone has similar lives. The comments might be rooted in fear or envy or possibly bafflement that you have made choices outside the norm.

Let them fade away. I'm sure you have other friends you have more in common with.

This.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 11/09/2025 15:11

They’ve probably invited you along for the money and gifts and to make them look popular on social media photos but people like that are users. You’re better off without women who sneer are you.

nomas · 11/09/2025 15:12

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:08

I've been nothing but nice to them, don't understand how people can treat you like this especially when I'm the one always putting in the money and effort.
I have actually spoken to them a couple of times in the past about it but nothing changed.

I think you need to try and understand why you cling to this friendship group.

Most people would have dumped this gang a long time ago. I had a friend who didn’t show up to my wedding, I just ignored her texts. It didn’t occur to me to give her another chance.

Do you have self esteem issues? It might help
to get some CBT therapy.

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:12

But then every now and again they'll throw me a bone and then I think oh I've just been overreacting. But it's not. I think just writing this today has helped me too so thanks.

OP posts:
Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 15:13

nomas · 11/09/2025 15:12

I think you need to try and understand why you cling to this friendship group.

Most people would have dumped this gang a long time ago. I had a friend who didn’t show up to my wedding, I just ignored her texts. It didn’t occur to me to give her another chance.

Do you have self esteem issues? It might help
to get some CBT therapy.

Edited

I do have other friends who are actually nice to me, but we don't see each other often due to distance and other commitments. Maybe it's a bit of the sunken cost fallacy because we've known each other for 25 years, but i know a lot of people have moved on from high school friendships. They don't make me feel good and actually make me feel inferior about my life.

OP posts:
saphiregemstone · 11/09/2025 15:15

I understand the type of people you are probably referring to.
They live their lives following a certain script, and you have deviated from this. This doesn’t mean they don’t like you, or enjoy your company but it isn’t easy if you are in a group where you think a bit differently.
I have had to put on pause some friendships over the years because they lived their lives in a way that for various reasons, unknown to them, I didn’t believe in.

mrlistersgelfbride · 11/09/2025 15:16

Maybe I have horrible friends too but the public transport and moving house comments just sound like passing comments and nothing sinister.
However these people do sound very selfish.
You are giving them a lot of headspace and they don’t deserve it.
It sounds like you do all the running and for what?
Definitely mute the WhatsApp , don’t respond to them. When you feel strong enough, delete/leave the group.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 11/09/2025 15:16

OP you posted about your job recently. Do you think that may be making you feel the way you do?