Feel so bitter about a group of friends and want to know how to move on

[Minkdeville]

I have moved on in the sense of stopping contacting them, but I'm angry at myself for being such a mug for so many years.
Yes, they are entitled to want to move on from me too, which they did a long time ago and I was too blind to see it.

I'm someone who likes to change my hairstyle often, no particular reason, I just like changing things up. I've lived abroad in a couple of countries and moved a little bit in the UK, which I'm glad I've been able to do.

I've changed jobs a little too. It's just the sort of person I am, however it's very different from who they are.
They are mostly people who've been in the same company since we graduated 15 years ago, same hairstyle, same town etc.
There's nothing wrong with that either and I also sometimes wish I had their stability. The problem is they seem to see me as some sort of freak or outcast for it and made little jibes whenever I saw them.
It was very subtle, wasn't outward nasty comments but very passive aggressive and sort of 'oh, moved again have you?' With a judgmental look.

At school I was a straight A student and got teased a little for being a 'geek'. Their grades weren't as good, none of which matters now, I went to a 'prestigious' uni and they didn't, again none of which matters.

They've done well in their careers and are all in senior management now, as well as having married men on high salaries. Most have kids and live in large homes.
I feel, especially from one of them there's an air of superiority. She seems to boast about how much their car was and what fancy features it has, and made some sort of comment about my 'lack of stability'.

I have forked out a fortune over the years on their weddings, hen dos and baby showers. None of them in over 12 years have ever been to see me, once. I live an hour away, it's hardly the end of the world. I have travelled to them for 12 years.
I get rubbish excuses like 'Oh I don't like cities' (yet goes to them when it suits her)

I am finally done with this group of horrible women. So angry at myself for being a mug for so many years. One had a baby 2 months ago, sent my congratulations and said it'd be lovely to meet her baby boy, read it and never heard a word back.
How do I stop being such a mug and finally move on?

I haven't passed my driving test which is a sore point, yet im finally hoping to this year. One of them made a jibe 'Oh, you'd know all about public transport wouldn't you.'
Why are people like this? Finally I have a couple of friends who are actual friends.

So, people who are really happy dont need to make these comments. I would guess that they feel a bit boring compared to you, or even see your choices as a commentary on their own. Stay in the WA group but take a step back for now. If they get nicer you can pick things up. If not, just archive the thread.

OP, I’ve just seen your other thread on feeling like you haven’t progressed in your career as well as you could have done. If this is in any way making you resent the success that these “friends” have enjoyed despite getting lower grades at school, attending less prestigious universities etc., then that is reason enough to distance yourself from them. The resentment will eat away at you and make you very unhappy. And that’s before we get onto their questionable behaviour and comments which are clearly no way to treat a friend. Best of luck.

seriously I would distance yourself and use your energy to find friends who are not ignorant and cant cope with anyone who hasnt done what they've done.
however, I know its also not that simple. you then get criticism that you havent sustained long term friendships in life,so there must be something wrong with you. do what feels right for you and realise you have been not treated well.

If you’re posting in order for people to agree with you, you’re on the wrong forum.

i think you sound bitter and resentful that your self perceived early promise hasn’t led to the success you expected.

The friends you seem to think are a bit dullarse now appear to be further in their careers and personal lives than you and you’re not dealing with it very well.

Do you feel life is passing you by and they have left you behind?

People like to celebrate life's milestones, big purchases like a car or a house. It's probably not a dig at you, but it might feel like it if you feel you are missing out.

You seem resentful that your "better" start (academic achievements, better university) over them hasn't turned into a "better" life overall. They probably feel your resentment and sense that you (perhaps) feel you are more deserving than they are.

I think you are right to think these friends are not good for you. You have little in common and the way they make you feel is making you unhappy. I don't think it's going to get better.

It would probably be best to leave the WhatsApp group, but if you don't feel ready yet, don't start or respond to any conversations until you are ready to leave

I agree.

I didn't see your post before I posted mine. We have pretty much said the same thing.

Some people are reading what they want to read. I couldn't care less what theyre doing, so much projection going on here.
I've outlined how I am 'different' to them and that this is why I've gotten the digs.

You started a thread yesterday about how you think you’ve screwed up your career and how dissatisfied and unhappy you are.

You OP @Minkdeville

It’s a waste of energy to constantly torment yourself with the whys. They’re just not interested in you. It’s a tough pill to swallow but that’s life, I’m afraid. Leave the group and move on.

Some people really don’t understand people being different to them. These people don’t make you feel good about yourself, they’re not really your friends. Friends are supportive, they’re clearly not. If you’re not comfortable leaving the group just archive it and you won’t see any activity on it.

I’m not sure what your hair has to do with any of this.

Sounds to me like you could really benefit from some counselling op.

yadnbu
Rip the plaster off and dump the lot of these shallow women. They are not genuine friends.

All of the examples you mentioned are very solid reasons to do so.

It’s a one way street, they keep happily taking from you and they rub your nose in their success and achievements.
The latter I should imagine is to keep you in your place due to their own insecurities going back to your higher achievements at school/university.

I would do it by stealth and not answer or look at any WhatsApp group messages ever again. They are nothing to you now. Archive the group and ever look at it again. Give it time (to avoid them gossiping about you) and hit the delete button.

You will feel so much lighter and relieved once you get rid of them from your life 💐

@Minkdeville
100% this! ⬆️

Who cares if they all get their sad little kicks by bitching about you afterwards? You won't know & don't ever have to see them again. 🤷‍♀️

Stick with the real friends you've found & leave the past behind - don't let them affect you for a minute more.

Lots of us hold on to old friendships because of history, nostalgia, or hope they’ll change. It’s painful to admit those things weren’t there.
You’ve already taken the hardest step

Straight As but that basnt transpired into her work life if you read the other thread. I’m wondering if she was as smart as she says in her OP.

Such a mean comment!
That can happen a lot and really depends on how "lucrative" or "in demand" your industry is.

OP I think it comes down to your values vs their values in life. What matters to them is the cars, the houses, career progression and cozy lives. This is what they respect, and care not about your kindness or generosity.
They may have "achieved" career wise but they sound ignorant and arrogant. They have some humility and learning to do.
Dont feel down about them though, it is better that way as you are too different in fundamental ways, not just in hairstyles and lifestyles.

I can’t see how hair and straight As as a child is remotely relevant given you’re so unhappy with your current life OP

You're a sad person if you think making digs like this is going to achieve anything. I'd stop before you embarrass yourself any further.

Don't really need you to see how it's relevant tbh.

Op you come across as far from happy with your current life Op.

And this group of people make you feel even worse.

So… remove them from your life. I don’t think they’ll be much pushback anyway, and you can focus on improving your current status quo

Thank you very much, 99% of comments are really helpful. Going to stop posting on here now but thanks so much.

Good luck

Such a long and dramatic post! You've outgrown your school friends and don't have much in common any more. It happens. If you need to close the chapter, leave the WhatsApp then block them all and delete their numbers. Otherwise, focus on your lovely life and on building new friendships with people more on your wavelength.