Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

I must have missed where that poster said she asked a man to speak for her.

But I didn’t miss you saying that you would refuse to offer her seat.

Well I’m really confused. Because. The sears youre entitled to on the grounds of being pregnant are the priority seats. Those shared with the disabled and elderly as well as the pregnant.

But instead you don’t want pregnant people to be entitled to those seats?

I am so so sorry. I completely misunderstood where you were coming from.

This thread is fucking worrying.

How the eff is it so controversial to agree that society should help out a pregnant woman when it comes to a seat?

But, no. People throw their own issues in - oh, if a woman spoke up for a pregnant woman, you’d give up your seat? Unless you’re explicitly asked to be decent, you won’t be? Oh, but it’s a normal person’s seat? Ffs. Honestly.

Women do really sometimes hate other women.

That's right - I would refuse - you read my post with accuracy.

Ultimately it's a courtesy to offer a pregnant woman a seat - she chose to become pregnant, it isn't like offering a seat to someone with a disability who has no choice in the matter. If she can't ask in a courteous manner for a seat, then she can stand.

My god I’ve seen it all on mumsnet now 😂 don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

What's difficult about asking politely for a seat?

Nah, I don't think it's women, I think some people are just twats.

You will never be offered a seat … everyone will ignore you and start at their phones!

Nothing is difficult, but as this thread has shown, people have different understandings of what it means to ask politely. I think it would just be easier to agree to be nice and maybe care about others a bit more without being asked??

Wow.

Aside from all the other gaps in logic, do you ask disabled people if they’re in a wheelchair because they drunk-drove and paralysed themselves?

Didn't think so.

The two times I have offered my seat up to a pregnant woman:

1. Bit my head off and was insulted that I assumed she was incapable of standing.

1. Was actually just overweight and carried it in a way that made her look pregnant, again got my head bitten off.

So no, I would not offer a seat anymore, however, I would gladly do so if asked.

The example given was of a random man being rudely passively aggressive to obtain a seat for his pregnant female companion.

As has already been explained, it is rare for it to be 100% certain that a stranger is pregnant rather than overweight, unless she's wearing one of those badges designed for public transport.

Even if they did drink drive, they still didn't choose to be paralysed, did they?🙄

Oh, this is too easy.

Do you ask the pregnant women if they were raped, if contraception failed, if they weren’t eligible for abortion?

Why would anyone be ineligible for an abortion?

Oooh, gosh. Past the gestation threshold, religious grounds, religious pressure, y’know that ilk.

But this seems like an unfair sparring match given you can’t see that whilst drunk drivers don’t CHOOSE to be paralysed, it’s a foreseeable risk.

It suits you to not help out a pregnant woman, cool.

I said I would refuse if they asked for a seat in a rude or passive-aggressive way, not that I would refuse a civil request or decline to offer one pro-actively if it was crystal clear the woman was pregnant, i.e. she was wearing a lanyard etc.

Religious objections don't constitute 'ineligibility' for an abortion, and in the UK a woman has 23 weeks before she's past the eligible gestation limit.

Anyway, you have taken the thread along a ridiculous derail just because I have the audacity to expect courtesy in return for courtesy. If you want to meekly give into people who are rude or passive-aggressive when they want a favour from you, go ahead. I prefer not to be a doormat, but each to their own.

Well you can assume but you really won’t ever know. Yes there are visual clues with some disabilities., but not always with pregnancy.

With my first I was enormous and it was probably pretty obvious. With my second at six months I was still in my normal clothes.

So yeah it can be applied both ways.

Wear a badge and ask someone to move.

It’s not a favour to give someone a seat who needs it more than you.

We're going round in circles now. As I've said, if you want to offer your seat to someone who is rude and/or passive-aggressive, go ahead. I choose not to.

Still making shit up - where does it say the man was that women’s “companion”?

When you say "still making shit up" to what exactly are you referring?

Companion - definition:

1. a person or animal with whom one spends a lot of time or with whom one travels. [my italics]

"his travelling companion"

But you're just helping make their point.. it doesn't say he was her traveling companion or sound like the woman was connected to the man who said people should move.. It seems like it was just a random man on the train.

You're coming across as really nasty and aggressive on the topic, whether you intend to or not.

So a woman does nothing except gets on a train heavily pregnant. Doesn't ask for a seat or as far as you're aware even expect one. And because a man happens to make a comment that she should get a seat - unprompted by the woman - you're going to respond "I've noticed, I just don't care." Or even worse "It was her choice to get pregnant so she shouldn't be a priority for a seat"(!!)

What's the woman in that situation done to you to deserve that level of rudeness? How would she know that you would give her a seat if she asked but it's the man commenting that you object to?? I'm sure she certainly wouldn't feel confident to ask anyone to give up their seat after that response..

I'm sorry you find me nasty - that wasn't my intention.

The rude and passive-aggressive behaviour of the man was presented as a clever and effective way of procuring a seat for the woman, regardless of their relationship or lack thereof, which we should all applaud.

I'm pointing out that it wouldn't work with me, it's neither clever nor effective in my opinion.

Note that I said "I'd be tempted to reply ..." not "I would reply ..."

After the time I offered my seat to a "pregnant" woman on the bus and she got quite flustered and embarrassed and said "I'm not pregnant 😬" I feel very very wary of assuming someone is pregnant in case I'm wrong and I offend them.

Will happily give it up if it was very very obvious or they had a badge or they asked but I do worry that I will make someone feel bad if I'm wrong.