Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

‘Is anyone able to stand so I could sit down please? Thanks ever so much’.

ta da!

I think a lot of people don't like to assume someone is pregnant (can be embarrassing if they aren't!)

Here it is again: I would never direct my request for a seat to a specific person for that exact reason.
When I weigh up whether to ask, it would be directed to the whole train / room

Yeah, I think you'd look a bit of a dick announcing it to the whole train.

Why is it embarrassing to ask? I've asked before because I felt generally unwell, not when I was actually pregnant. Just a general "would anyone mind giving me their seat, I'm not feeling well". Nobody was shamed, I wasn't embarrassed, three people offered immediately. It's really not a drama to open your mouth.

To be honest I think lots of people now are so engrossed in phone/kindle/book/headphones that they aren’t aware enough of their surroundings to spot that someone even needs their seat. I drive so am not regularly on public transport but travel for work on the train sometimes and notice not many people even look up when people get on, off etc.

I’m currently 7 months pregnant with my second baby and haven’t really found in either pregnancy that I’ve been offered a seat, nor would I ask though as I’m conscious that I have no idea what needs others may have that mean they need a seat.

Nails it.

No idea why the OP is talking about ‘shaming’ people 🙄

I feel like I need to try and describe these regular ‘seat situations’ in such a way that people hopefully understand.

It’s a waiting room with 20 people all sat able to see me (with the exception of those few glued to their phone).

It’s getting on a train (London Underground style) where it’s two long lines of about 30+ people sitting, primarily young people and men.

Because there’s such a lot of people I can safely assume at least a few probably aren’t disabled. But as I said, I would never assume a person didn’t need their seat and ask them individually. I would try and really loudly direct the request across the whole room / train which I think is why I cringe at doing that unless necessary.

Im not sure why people think I believe I need a seat more than someone with a stick / other disability. That’s definitely not the case..

Why is that silly?

Pregnant, does not equal disabled. There are other people in far more need.

So you’re going to direct it to the people in the priority seats but not direct it to the people in priority seats?

Exactly! So how do you avoid singling out specific people who might have invisible disabilities? You can’t win 😂

Just ask if you need a seat. People are not very observant as they tend to be focussed on their phones. Also, people might be wary of offending someone that is just fat (my husband did this).

Honestly OP, some of the responses here are a lot and it's tough even if you have any easy pregnancy. I think people forget how hard it is...
I feel for you. I asked for a seat when I was pregnant, although interestingly a lot of men gave up their seats willingly. One of my friends said to ask focusing on the priority seat and to ask, which was good advice. No harm if they say no, I am disabled. Hopefully the people nearby offer it this is the case.

Are you non-verbal?

Waiting rooms and stations don’t usually have priority seats. Tbh the trains where I am it’s not always clear where the priority seats are once people are already sat on them blocking the symbol.. bit of a design flaw.

Just use a normal level voice. You'll be effectively directing it to about 10 people within your immediate orbit. The chances of all of them having a disability or other need for the seat are miniscule. It's really not complicated.

I never felt I needed a seat through any part of my pregnancy, I was not disabled by being pregnant

Are you a dick?

You absolutely can ask the whole bus/train. I have done it regularly when taking a class of infants on a bus journey. I step behind the priority seats so that it's clear I am not asking the people in those and ask if anyone would be willing to stand to allow the 5 year olds to sit down. Never been a problem. And I never accept a seat so that they know I'm not taking the piss. Just use your big voice! It works just as well on adults as it does in a classroom!

Indeed. You don't have to shout ot direct it to specific areas just use your normal voice.

Nope.

So I’m supposed to see a pregnant woman and by virtue of being a woman who’s been pregnant I’m supposed to automatically offer her my seat because her need is greater than mine? Even though I’m disabled?

I don’t get the logic.

Jolly good for you. Are you so unbelievably unimaginative and unempathetic that you can’t fathom someone else experiencing things differently?

Exactly! I offered a seat to someone once at a party. She accepted gratefully. Later I was talking to the host and mentioned the pregnant friend - nope! She wasn't pregnant, just had a big belly.

OP, you're not wrong. You have to stand up for yourself (irony). Pick a likely candidate (I would go for a teenager/ young person) and politely ask if it would be possible to have their seat. No need to announce it to the whole train. I think people are in their own world but are happy to help if asked. This applies to all sorts of scenarios.

You do know not everything is about you, yes?

You can still ask someone...nobody said you can't, just don't be put out if they say no for whatever reason including ones that you can't see. I wouldn't be announcing it though like I was some sort of VIP.