Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

Quite - and to have asked at the outset instead of waiting until she could no longer stand

Yep. I’m responsible for myself and so are others. It’s weird to want others to centre you as if you want to be special. I find that a bit cringey.

Hoping for a passing degree of consideration at those times when you need it isn’t asking anyone to “centre” you.

I understand OP. It is hard asking for a seat. You would think people would be kind and polite enough to offer. Sadly the days of good manners are long behind us.

Here you go - 'baby on board' badge. £3.95. Amazon. Next Day Delivery

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Board-Pin-Badge-Mum/dp/B0FLDNDNQT/ref=sr11?crid=YWV0KA2ASLTI&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.5di5-w-7TEqkd4S4CaP8kIfTFz5MWJ84S0Ytb1e5ayOHgGAvbjtDlbASzNuGum8R4ZQjpHwlh0FJ4-Bw0NmiYFRAhk6MrxGIpyQKQixm0qQQRMToCq9rNqxlqXZ7oRCmbczhF1HRi1XpM8gf4oXsHZ4YWXUeVqaLI-0DOowq0sqIpEEhJ4yErP15YeHMlwGbzj-871T29t87i5RiGMoUMRW7bgFhMdW1bfB3XScW986TI8cuokP7tvd1FZkxzJbZBN9OR6Mm9IXNT7sDKZoJFzZ4qZCfVbaiWYzP-M.DZTHJsIegGblwx41nJE5gpmCnaChzdK1I5PMUDkjwBo&dibtag=se&keywords=Baby+on+board+badge&qid=1757595468&s=kitchen&sprefix=baby+on+board+badge%2Ckitchen%2C77&sr=1-1

I think it is. OP can ask for a seat, but wants other to scan the room, notice her and then offer her. She can just ask.

‘Centre me’?

These replies are bizarre. Is that what I’m doing when I offer an old lady with a stick a seat?

.

I'm in London and there were a LOT of men sitting in priority seats who obviously pretended not to see me. Women did usually offer me seats though.

How do I know if you're pregnant or just fat?
Seriously, is it my job to just assume which one?
Please ask. Please Ask if you are not pregnant but also need to sit down. Asking is fine.

(I was agreeing with you, not supporting those who cringeily shout to ask for a seat )

When I was getting the train to uni on my study days c. 24 weeks I had a similar experience. I was having bad back pain that day. Just before I spoke up I caught the eye of a man and he let me take his seat. So just to say let's not write men off, there were several woman who just ignored me.

I don’t get why there’s a need to shame others into moving rather than just asking.

If someone was to be proclaiming their fecundity to the entire carriage on public transport I’d see that as performative.

fwiw I use a hidden disabilities lanyard and I don’t see any difference to wearing a baby on board badge?

Strange - my experience has usually been that it's the men who leap up to vacate their seats!

Do you normally speak up in other situations? Do you ask for pay rises at work? Do you assert yourself when a man mansplains to you?

I am just wondering. You seem so resistant to use your voice. Or you could just use it sometimes, or just once to see what's it's like. It's very weird to me that you are pregnant, standing and suffering and still not asking for what you need. It's not something you have to endure, you know? You do have choices.

That is my point. I want an ideal world too where people see me and whatever I might struggle with but it's not realistic. Sometimes I get up for old or pregnant people. Other times I don't. Sometimes I ask if I can sit here just because. Other times I just stand.

I’ll echo this. And say. Practicing using your voice when you’re pregnant and want a seat. And standing up for yourself and your needs is good practice for parenthood.

Your child will need you to advocate for them at some point. And waiting for others to notice and offer won’t work. So it’s a good idea to practice now.

It’s fine if that’s what you want to do. But it really is on the person who needs help (or their carer) to ask. Why do you expect everyone else to be constantly looking out for anyone that might need a seat, they have their own things going on, they’ll be thinking about work, something going on with their kids, their dog might just have died, worrying about money etc etc. Of course any able bodied teen/adult should give up their seat if asked by someone who needs it, but it is on the person who needs it to ask. You can do that, so why do you need to wait to be offered?

I'd never been offered a seat and always had to ask. Didn't mind really.

But what took the cake was the waiting room in the labour ward, when I went in for reduced foetal movements.

We walked in and every seat was taken, and only some by pregnant women, the rest were taken up by the entourages that had come with the women. Many of us were left to stand and it was already wall to wall packed full.

I couldn't believe the nurses did not insist that they let us pregnant women sit down. It's not like we'd all chosen to visit the labour and delivery ward for no good reason.

And after I'd had my son when I was referred back due to elevated blood pressure and dizziness, the waiting room was even worse. I ended up in a pokey little cupboard with 2 staff members who were just trying to do their paperwork, stood against a crevice in the wall because all the support partners had taken up all the chairs and the standing space in the waiting room.

I'd never been offered a seat and always had to ask. Didn't mind really.

But what took the cake was the waiting room in the labour ward, when I went in for reduced foetal movements.

We walked in and every seat was taken, and only some by pregnant women, the rest were taken up by the entourages that had come with the women. Many of us were left to stand and it was already wall to wall packed full.

I couldn't believe the nurses did not insist that they let us pregnant women sit down. It's not like we'd all chosen to visit the labour and delivery ward for no good reason.

And after I'd had my son when I was referred back due to elevated blood pressure and dizziness, the waiting room was even worse. I ended up in a pokey little cupboard with 2 staff members who were just trying to do their paperwork, stood against a crevice in the wall because all the support partners had taken up all the chairs and the standing space in the waiting room.

I had this in London 18 years ago.I was heavily pregnant. Badges weren't a thing then .

I would just ask I think.

It is the whole avoiding eye contact that gets me ie they have noticed / acknowledged your need , but lack of eye contact makes it easier to ignore perhaps !

Just ask, honestly, it's easy. If someone says 'sorry I have an arthritic hip', ask someone else.

Having said that, if you're 40 weeks pregnant, you're not going to be having this issue for much longer are you?

I found most people on the tube were happy to offer a seat when I was pregnant, teenage boys in particular were lovely. Mind you this was ten years ago, maybe the world's changed.

Get a badge or ask. Most people do not want to offer a seat because they are worried you are not actaully pregnant not because they are rude or don't care. Well that's the case 'up north anyway! 'Better a pregnant woman standing than a big girl say down crying' is the very crass but true phrase

I’m using my voice right now to stand up to you and others on here!

Honestly, The absolute cheek.