Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

We don't, but people sitting in those seats presumably do?

I have a chronic, invisible disability so have learnt to speak up and advocate for myself. You need to. It is presumptuous to assume people are deliberately ignoring your pregnancy. And rude and rather narrow-minded to assume only people who've been pregnant care. Most likely they haven't noticed. People are usually asleep, reading or on their phones. I explain the nature of my illness, as it is part of me and I feel no shame, but equally I wouldn't expect someone to. When I step onto a train (and I have a badge for ease more than anything), I ask people. Most (not all) people are kind.

Hi OP, I totally get where you are coming from. I was pregnant along time ago and it was the same then.
You should not have to ask. I recently witnessed a man on crutches standing up and no one offered him a seat. I politely asked if someone could give him a seat.
Be prepared for people walking past you when you are struggling up stairs with a pushchair and there's no lift.
Of course, there will be some people who will always help or offer a seat but ime, they are in the minority

I think most people will help if asked, but they’re just busy, stressed, thinking about a million things because that is modern life. People might not notice, or they may be nervous to offer, but if asked, most people behave decently and will give up their seat to a person in need of it.

Personally on public transport, I deliberately keep my head down and don’t make eye contact with anyone after some bad experiences with pervy or drunk men. I would help out any genuine person who needed it, but they do need to ask!

I didn't the first time but I did the second time, and asked the nurses to speak up too, and they said they would then didn't.

Suppose I felt too anxious the first time but when I was facing suspected postpartum eclampsia I'd really had enough.

That's when they decided to stick me next to the nurses pop up station to keep an eye on me.

I don’t, but they do.

This. 100pc. All you need to do is ask the people in the priority seats. If they can't move they'll tell you (I would). But almost 99/100 someone has heard and moves. I'm not trying to be a dick, but I've had this issue a long time, no baby bump and I get a seat. People aren't deliberately ignoring you. They're just preoccupied. Or, they might not think you're pregnant. Make sure you wear a badge. No one wants to accidentally give a seat to a non pregnant 'pregnant' person. Embarrassing all round.

Prodded with your walking stick??????

Exactly this. If you want to sit in the priority seat and are not disabled or pregnant then it’s on you to be actively looking around and not glued to your phone or thinking about your own life dramas. Don’t want to engage and make eye contact or don’t want to feel awkward asking someone if they need the seat, then just don’t sit in those seats. Can’t believe the hard time the OP is getting here, it’s ridiculous.

I sit in the priority seats. When I’m on the bus or train.

I don’t make eye contact with anyone because I hate being asked if I can move because no. I can’t. (Mostly in a wheelchair now, but when I was more ambulant.) I also have autism and I’m socially shit. So I try not to look at people so I don’t have to interact. I can’t really sit elsewhere because I can’t bend my right knee and my hips are fucked.

I do wear a hidden disabilities lanyard though.

I’m sure people will say I’m being precious, but I find there are a lot of weirdos on public transport particularly in London. Whether they be actively aggressive or just “off”, I can fully understand why a more vulnerable pregnant woman or non-pregnant woman/man/child etc doesn’t want to ask someone for their seat. I’ve seen people on TfL buses and the Tube be antisocial, violent, openly racist etc etc. Nobody wants to risk that. And, yes, I’ve seen it happen multiple times to put me off.

When I was pregnant, 13 years ago, someone clocked my baby on board badge then pushed me aside to get ahead of me to nab the last seat on the bus. My former flatmate also told me that as a matter of principle she never gives her seat up for anyone wearing a badge as she assumes people are faking being pregnant in order to get a seat!

And for those saying pregnancy isn't a disability- that's true it isn't, and good for you being fine throughout but many people have symptoms that make standing tricky. I would have been fine standing in the middle few months, but in the first few my blood pressure went very low, combined with anaemia and nausea meant I was unsafe to stand in an overhot tube carriage. And by the end I had joint issues (I am hypermobile generally and this was worsened by pregnancy hormones). There's a reason the signs say you should offer a seat to pregnant women as well as disabled people.

I think @PollyBell hasn't had to strap hang on the tube while pregnant. My balance was so bad that people did offer me a seat - probably because they were afraid that I would fall and land on top of them! I just could not keep my feet.

So OP by your logic ‘in case they were disabled’ is the same in terms of presuming you are pregnant . In case you weren’t.

As some who has mistakingly offered a seat to a woman I THOUGHT was pregnant. I will never do it again unless they are wearing a badge !

I remember a few years ago I was living in London and my grandparents came to visit. They were both late 70s and, my granddad did not look particularly young for his age, and he had a heart condition. We got on the tube and it wasn't very full, but all the seats were taken by younger adults. It was us three and a young man standing. No one offered either of them their seat. The tube stopped at a station and one person got off - I told granddad to go sit in it, but the guy from the other end of the carriage raced to it before my granddad could sit down. Some people are selfish.
On pregnant women specifically, a lot of pregnant women in London would wear "baby on board" badges to indicate to others they need a seat. Usually people would avoid eye contact and I'd have to give my seat up.

Ive never been pregnant but as my mobility had gradually worsened I have many times asked politely if I could have someone's seat. Or if they could move along. No one had ever refused.

But I have done several courses of assertiveness training.

When I was younger and more mobile I would always offer to help someone struggling with heavy baggage at railway stations or on and off trains. Ive also noticed that in a city like Venice (with all its bridges and steps) how gracious Italian men are at helping women with buggies. Usually they will do so without being asked and moved off quickly before you have a chence to thank them.

I get on the train 8 stops before my destination. I am not assessing everyone for 8 stops whether I should be offering a seat or not. Just ask.

If someone asks nicely and politely then I have no issues giving up my seat. If however they are rude, pushy or entitled then I wouldn't offer my seat. Equally I wouldn't give up my seat to someone who specifically asked me because I'll be more "understanding as a woman" rather than asking the whole carriage

The worst experience I ever had was at my obestricians for my scan. I was 30 weeks and heavily pregnant. There's seating on the waiting room and usually couples sit together. When I came in with dh, there was 1 seat left. I went to sit down. The man sitting beside the empty seat put his hand on and said his wife was sitting there and she was gone into doctor. He then put his head down and looked back at his phone.

My dh looked around the room and said would any of the men please get up for a woman who is 30 weeks pregnant, waiting for an appointment. One did.

I genuinely was shocked. The seats are for pregnant women.

No, it can’t be applied the same both ways.

There are times when you know that someone is pregnant, disabled or elderly. For example, they have a walking stick, or a guide dog. They are 90 odd years old. They are a size 10 and look like they have a beach ball up their dress.

Then there are times when you might not know if someone is disabled or pregnant because there aren’t any obvious signs. And you might be hesitant to assume they’re not and try and turf them out their priority seat.

But why is it up to the people rightfully in the priority seats to move for you because you’re pregnant?

I can’t sit elsewhere. I’d have to get off the bus. And I will always be disabled. Or even more so.

can’t you sit in an ordinary seat? Why do the disabled have to move for you?

Not sure what you’re talking about as I’ve never said anywhere that anyone disabled should move for me. I’ve said the opposite.

And I’ve never said I would direct my request to those in the priority seats, in part because there aren’t priority seats in waiting rooms / on platforms / many clearly signed ones on the train I get. Any seat is fine. It’s been the majority of the postsers who have said i should be focusing on the priority seats.

Unfortunately it is pretty common these days, people don’t move out the pushchair / wheelchair spaces unless told by the bus drivers sometimes either.
But bear in mind not all disabilities are visible either, I’m sure most are just ignoring / ignorant but you can’t always be sure.

I’m entitled to a seat due to my Epilepsy, and the amount of elderly especially who have been rude to me for not giving up my seat, when there are others who could have quite capably. Most of the time these are elderly who are quite fit still too, I don’t hesitate if I can see they are unsteady and have even made my son (10) stand before to let others sit down when many others haven’t moved.

Too many these days opt to play ignorant.

Some train companies allow pregnant ladies to travel in first class FOC. Obv depend which train company and of the route has first class seats - www.nationalrail.co.uk/tickets-railcards-offers/promotions/mums-to-be-first-class-upgrade-greater-anglia/

The woman should speak up herself if she wants help! And politely, not passive-aggressively. I've no time for women who let men fight their battles (badly) for them.