Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

Of course you say something.

Please may I have a seat, I am pregnant and need to sit. Thank you.

Surely you just ask?

where are you? I didn’t find this traveling in to London at all, always got offered a seat if there wasn’t one.

do I say something and try and shame people into getting up.
No, you say something to politely ask. It doesn’t have to be passive aggressive and with the intention of shaming anyone. Loads of people just don't notice.

Do you have a badge? I've found enough people normally stand up if they see a badge.

You can get the badges that let people know that you would like a seat, I believe.

Generally, I think you just need to speak up and ask people. Its not shaming them, it's making a reasonable request - especially of people who are sitting in the priority seats but are possibly fully able bodied.

The issue these days is that people are usually looking at their phones. Or, in my case, I just tend to look anywhere else at all apart from making eye contact with someone. I do so because I want to avoid any conversation or, in todays horrible world, perhaps some kind of negative interaction.

You need a seat. Politely ask for a seat.

Firstly until around 6/7 months it isn’t obvious to others, we are simply not looking at you to see if you are pregnant because most people are in their own world. Secondly other people have health conditions sometimes invisible that mean they can’t stand as easily as you can and thirdly not all pregnant women have issues with standing, I commuted until 35 weeks by train and tube, never got a seat and it really wasn’t an issue. If you are feeling faint, hurting etc just speak up and ask if someone will let you sit - it’s what I have to do as I have hip issues these days but look younger than I am so don’t look like o need one

Can’t you just ask for a seat?

Also. Why would you try to shame people? You’ve no idea if the person you’re shaming has disabilities for example. I have disabilities that make it difficult for me to stand but you wouldn’t know looking at me.

You're pregnant, not mute. Ask for a seat!

Im surprised everyone expects to need to speak up and try and ask on the train. I’d find that a bit mortifying.

I was always brought up to offer for someone who looked like they needed it, and to take note if I was sitting in a seat that was supposed to be a priority seat.

But lesson learnt!

Just ask.

Although bear in mind, not all disabilities are visible and others may also have a justified reason for sitting down.

I look perfectly able but I have an excruciating torn ligament in my pelvis. Can't tell that from looking at me though.

That injury v pregnant? I was more than able to stand on transport when I was pregnant. Not sure why being pregnant means you NEED a seat.

Why is it shaming someone to ask for a seat?

I am usually in a world of my own and wouldn't notice, but I wouldn't feel ashamed to be asked.

Speak up for yourself.

I would never direct my request for a seat to a specific person for that exact reason.

When I weigh up whether to ask, it would be directed to the whole train / room

People can be extremely oblivious and I think that’s got worse - everyone’s staring at their phone. So you have to say something. Just a polite “sorry to disturb, may I have a seat please?” should be fine.

I sit in a disabled / elderly / pregnant seat.

I need two new hips and a new knee.

Why would you think you’re more entitled to the seat than me?

But people won't be looking at you at all to know if you're pregnant.

If I did notice you, I'd probably spend 5 minutes having an internal debate on whether to offer you a seat or whether I'm making a dreadful faux pas and you're not pregnant at all - am I about to mortally offend a random woman on the tube!?

I was heavily pregnant in maternity triage waiting room of all places and there were no seats... 3 dad's looked up at me and pretended not to notice me. My husband angrily told them to get up. Honestly nothing shocks me anymore

Some people have invisible disabilities and need to sit down so lets not shame all people.
Your pregnant not mute just ask! Kinda causing your own problem by not saying anything.

Why is it mortifying? You would like to sit down because you're unable to stand for the journey so the logical thing to do is to ask someone to stand to allow you to sit.

I've seen way too many occasions where people have stood to offer seats and been berated by the person they stood for for presuming the person is incapable of standing. So it's much more sensible to wait to be asked.

Also you have no way of knowing that those sitting in the priority seats didn't need the seat just as much as you did?

Tell me you haven’t read my updates without telling me you haven’t read my updates…

Here it is again: I would never direct my request for a seat to a specific person for that exact reason.
When I weigh up whether to ask, it would be directed to the whole train / room

I don't think we need to turn this thread into an attack on a woman who is 40 weeks pregnant and just wants to sit down.

Oh, don’t be silly.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up.

This is taking British reticence too far. Of course you ask for a seat!

Just ask.

it’s not mortifying.

lots of people won’t even notice a pregnant woman on a train as everyone has their heads down.

I just ask if I need a seat (either for pregnancy or a broken ankle, with a cast and crutches - yes I still had to ask), and every single time I have been given one, absolutely no problems.