Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

Most people won't be paying much attention to those around them, they're tired in the mornings or after a days work, they're busy with something else, they're listening to music or reading a book. I have ASD and try to block out my surroundings when I'm on a train and don't like to look at others. You do need to be assertive if you need a seat, I will offer to give you mine if you ask but I won't realise you need one unless you do.

Who pissed on your chips?

Nope. Are you so short sighted you can’t see that if OP needs a seat she should ask, not “shame people”, who may not have noticed or might have their own needs?

Ask for a bloody seat. Not everybody is sitting on a train waiting for your hallowed presence to step on like mother, earth. Not everyone is scanning the aisles.Looking for such an important person, as you just ask.

We’ll have to agree to disagree then, because asking the OP if she’s non-verbal certainly sounded like a dickish thing to say to me.

I really don’t understand this thread OP.

If you’re happy enough to announce your pregnancy on a packed train when you need a seat, it’s all good surely?

But you can’t expect people to

1. Notice you in the first place amongst all the other passengers.
2. Know you’re pregnant and not just fat.
3. Know that you need to sit down even if they were sure you’re pregnant.

You go right ahead and disagree if you like. Are you expecting me to cry, or something?

The symbol isn't just on the seat, it's on the window and glass screen as well.

You are just looking for excuses.

I've often asked 'can someone get up for x', not once has no one got up.

Aks them for their seat. I felt completely disabled at 40 weeks, if you need it you need it, they should move and probably will when you ask.

Whilst I agree, you shouldn’t have to ask and it’s quite sad that fit & well young people particularly don't offer, That’s the reality now. It wasn’t so bad 20 years ago when I was pregnant, but then less people were glued to a phone so more likely to be looking up!

I really don’t see the problem in asking somebody who doesn’t look disabled. If they have a hidden disability, then surely their response will be no sorry I am disabled/can’t stand/have a hidden disability in which case you move onto the next person. No one is saying you are more entitled than somebody with a hidden disability of course not but I would argue you are more entitled and in need than someone without a disability. As someone who commuted on tubes and trains right up to full term aside from being really bloody uncomfortable, a busy moving train isn’t particularly safe to stand when you are heavily pregnant.

Theres no circumstances in which you would have benefitted from sitting down in pregnancy?? Really?

You know nothing about how long the journey was, how long I’d been on my feet, the weather, the temperature, whether I’d just had bloods taken or other procedures so how can you comment if you wouldn’t have needed a seat under the same circumstances.

You have to ask, you have for years, but people will move as soon as you do.

Offering to move for people without them asking is fraught with danger and most people are so absorbed in their world they probably haven't noticed. I never had any issue when I asked.

The only unreasonable bit is expecting people to just move for you before you ask.

Yes, the amount of time obviously able bodied people in the priority seats on the tube deliberately refused to get up shocked me too when I was pregnant, they could see me standing there nine months pregnant and pretended not to by staring at their phones. I in fact was very comfortable asking people to stand and I did target specific people (ie those in the priority seats) if no one volunteered. I was free to ask, they were obviously also free to say no if they had a hidden disability or otherwise felt they needed the seat more than me. No big deal, there was only one time when a mother whose child was in the priority seat told me her child (teenager) had a hidden disability so couldn’t stand, child said no I don’t I’m fine to stand, mother said yes you do at which point I asked the mother (also sitting in a seat next to priority seat) if maybe she’d like to give up her seat instead then, which hadn’t occurred to her!

Yes it is which is blocked by the person sitting down in front of the glass.

I doubt we live in the same area so you know this firsthand.

The thread has moved on but what’s that got to do with the post I was responding to?

Again, you are perfectly free to think so if you wish.

Of course I am.

Sorry but “obviously abled bodied” is wildly ableist and incorrect. Would you be able to tell by looking, if someone was sitting down and wearing trousers if they in fact had a prosthetic leg? Or a brain tumour that was affecting their balance? There really isn’t any such thing as “obviously able bodied”.

Never bothered me because I think a lot of people really don't know what to do and worry about being accused of discrimination whatever they do!

Just ask politely and say that you are struggling.

Well then, good for you. 🤷‍♀️

I look obviously able bodied. Unless you’re some sort of x-man with x-Ray vision how can you see my fucked joints?

do I say something

Of course you say something. Most people are zoned out on public transport, rather than actively hostile or selfish.

Mind you, I commuted on the Piccadilly Line throughout my pregnancy and from memory, I only had to ask twice for a seat the whole time. (I did open my coat so my bump was visible and wore a Baby On Board badge on the tube. Some people are terrified of assuming someone's pregnant when they aren't, so removing any ambiguity makes it easier all round.)

Thanks!

I remember the first time I was pregnant I had to take the bus in the mornings and it was always packed - 40 minute journey, heavily pregnant and obviously pregnant, 90% of the time I was left having to stand the entire way not a single person offered me a seat