Not offering seats for pregnant women

[Pregnantgrumps]

I’m pregnant for the first time and have been really shocked and disappointed in people’s failure to offer seats on public transport / waiting rooms / platforms / you name it.

Is this just a phenomenon in my local area or everywhere now?

At first from about 5 months pregnant I joked about it to DP and family and friends: how pregnant do you have to be before people offer you a seat?? But I’m now 40 WEEKS pregnant and not laughing anymore.

Basically I’ve discovered the only chance of being offered a seat is if there’s a woman sitting who has been pregnant herself. If it’s all young people or men you can forget it.

Yesterday I was literally having to weigh up do I get off the train and wait for another that might have seats or do I say something and try and shame people into getting up. Because I can no longer stand for the full journey to the hospital / midwives.

I appreciate maybe there’s some people who carry their pregnancy weight in such a way that it’s ambiguous but I literally look like I’m shoplifting a melon here.

And how are people meant to know all of this?

If they are sitting in the priority seats and don’t need them they should be looking though. I try to avoid those seats but if it’s the only seat left I’ll take it but every stop I make sure to look up and see if anyone who just got on needs the seat rather than burying myself in my phone.

My experience was different to yours OP. Pregnant 2000 and 2004(twins)
Generally women never gave me a seat. It was the men, especially younger men, who would jump up and offer me a seat

Even an entire WI outing ignored me as I stood in the middle of them. The one 20s male didn’t spot me initially and then apologised for not doing so and gave me his seat

When I was heavily pregnant I didn’t muck about I’d get on a train and ask the nearest person for a seat if one wasn’t offered.

Of note not everyone can tell if someone’s pregnant. Some people are just large

OP - never underestimate the amount of stupid on MN. I’m sorry so much of it has come crawling to your thread.

It’s silly because the OP is clearly referring to people who don’t need seat as much as she does. She’s not suggesting that disabled people or other preggo should offer her a seat. 🙄

And yes, some people feel fine when preggo, many of those people will politely decline a seat when offered (I did many times before the PGP kicked in). For others pregnancy is hugely disabling. It can be incredibly painful and tiring to stand.

I'm not at all surprised

About 10 years ago, I had a broken leg. I was at London Bridge station in rush hour and a very large number of trains had been cancelled, so everyone wanted to go to Charing Cross (the start of the line) because it was the only likely wqy to get on a train. The platform for the train to Charing Cross was full so the station staff had closed the entrance to the platform. I hobbled up to one of the staff and asked to be let onto the platform due to my injury. Despite the fact that I was obviously wearing a massive plastic boot, the whole crowd behind the barrier started yelling at me about queue jumping and how it wasn't fair because they got there first.

I shortly arrived at Charing Cross and luckily a the train I wanted was soon there. The moment it arrives , 100s of people rushed to it. I was obviously hobbling along very slowly. When I got into the train, all the seats were taken. I politely asked the people sitting in the priorty seats to let me sit down due to my broken leg. They all ignore me so I asked again. One of them said "No, I got here first". I said something "sorry I can't stand because i have a broken leg." He then also ignored me. Thankfully a man down the carriage heard me and let me sit down. I was shocked at the time about how selfish people are.

Now, I have an invisible disability and I actually have a Priority card which is supposed to mean that if I show it to people sitting in the Priority seats, they let me sit down. The first time I had to use it, again everyone ignored me, except for one bloke who told me I wasn't disabled and so he wasn't giving me his seat. It's embarrassing enough as it is, without experiencing this utter rudeness.

Now, I stand near a member of staff on the platform and ask them to help me a seat. That works!

Things have definitely changed recently I often see people actively ignoring pregnant/elderly people and sometimes speak up for the person who is too embarrassed to ask for a seat. I have seen other people speak up on behalf of the person who needs a seat too. I would say this happens about once a week on my commute.

It’s worth noting falling when pregnant can be life threatening for a baby
Thats why I always preferred to sit on a moving vehicle.

But how does a pregnant woman know that the person sat where they want to sit doesn't have a hidden disability or some other reason they need the seat in the first place?

OP I’d glance across the people closest to you and say ‘would anyone mind…’ at this point you’ll probably find someone will stand. If some has a genuine disability or need they’ll be sympathetic (they know it’s hard!) and say they need the seat or give you a sympathetic look, which is totally fine!

She asks for a seat. If they are in more need presumably they will say they need it.

They don’t, and the OP would not be asking them to move she would clearly be asking if they are able to. I’m sure a person with a hidden disability that means they need to sit would be sympathetic to another person in a similar predicament. This isn’t about disability top trumps, it’s about people who don’t need to sit who don’t offer seats 🤨

I never had this issue- I gave it 30 seconds and then said loudly, "Excuse me, can I sit down, I'm pregnant."

I found that young, white men were the least likely to offer seats without being made to.

🙄 nope just shocked as my norm before pregnancy was to offer seats to anyone with an obvious disability or pregnancy, to avoid the priority seats and if they were the only seats available to make sure to look up at every stop in case someone who needed them had got on.

I’m shocked and saddened others don’t do the same.

Not sure if this was national or local to me but there has even been a big billboard campaign going on to try and get people to notice if others are more in need of a seat.

@Aleshafromtheblock there are seats reserved for pregnant, elderly and disabled people and if a person sits in that seat then they should look out for people who need it more. It's nothing to do with main character syndrome it's literally the rules on the train.

If someone is wearing a "Baby on Board" badge or asks for a seat, that's a good shout.

Even if you think your bump is obviously a pregnancy bump, there is still the danger from others' point of view that it isn't, and they risk offending someone who is simply overweight. I was 99% sure a work colleague must be pregnant but she wasn't - (made apparent by the 'bulge' still being there a year later and no baby)- she'd just developed a really fat tummy on an otherwise slim body for some reason. I'd never assume.

I got slated for asking that.

I don’t travel much on public transport now because I can’t navigate the steps but if I had to, I’d take a priority seat because I need it.

If I was in my wheelchair I assume that would be ok, but if I’m using my crutches would I be expected to give my seat up?

who’s rights come top?

I really would worry about being picked out and I always would have given up a seat and did so before I was disabled but being disabled and it not being obvious is just so hard because no one can see it and they think you’re faking if you’re having a good day and use crutches for example.

anyway @Pregnantgrumps I’m sorry I was short with you. I’m in a lot of pain today and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being disabled. It’s endless and it will never end for me.

If I was you I’d get one of the TFL Badges or ask if your local transport provider does similar.

I don't know where you live but often I'd get on a train and there'd be a rush to offer me a seat from more than one person. Other times, I had to ask. It's not universal- some people have better/worse manners, some people are in their own little world and oblivious to the pregnant woman waiting to sit down, and others are just having a bad day.

The way I saw it, it was important for my baby's safety that I sat down in order to prevent falls, so I didn't feel shy asking.

But pregnant woman appear to want everyone to be physic

"Sorry you wouldn't mind if I sit down please? I'm pregnant and it's abit of a struggle standing"

"Unfortuntly i've actually just had a knee replacement so I need this seat, sorry"

"Okay no problem. I'll ask someone else thank you"

You're over thinking it.

I’ve never been asked as politely as that.

I’ve only ever had can you move I need that seat.

"Shocked and saddened" is such dramatic language for a non-event. I have offered my seat before and will continue to do so. I have also asked for a seat and not expected it and not thought anything badly of my fellow commuters who probably just didn't notice I wanted it.

It's really not that big a deal

@Pregnantgrumps You say to a bunch of people in priority seats 'Excuse me, in case anyone here doesn't need their seat would you mind giving it to me? Don't worry please if you do.'

If you need something you ask. You don't wait for people to read your mind and bump. If you feel shy you need to take responsibility and get over it.