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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mad about DP refusing to do School Run

195 replies

LittlePeachh · 10/09/2025 22:48

As the title says, AIBU to be mad about the fact my DP is refusing to do the school run?

Before we would take turns, but he seems to think I should do it every morning as I’m off on Mat Leave. He WFH. Usually doesn’t start until after I return back from dropping DC off.

By this point I’ve done the night feeds, got DC up, made breakfast, got DC ready whilst feeding and changing the baby AND getting myself ready. He’s happy to be awake, in bed and for me to leave the baby. But I’m shattered, even completing the most mundane household tasks takes all my effort.
baby goes back to sleep just after 8am and usually just before leaving for school run. DP dropping DC off means I could pop back to bed for a little while which would help with getting everything done before pickup.

Am I right to be mad or do I need to put on big girl pants and get on with it?

OP posts:
Kate8889 · 11/09/2025 12:42

JFDIYOLO · 11/09/2025 10:33

This is what he thinks:

Her job - gestate, birth, nurture, watch, lose sleep over, change, hold, feed, bath dress them and cope with everything physical and emotional postpartum / drive the children to and from school and all activities / manage appointments, crises, household shopping / clean the house, do the laundry, feed and service MEEEEEEE. Because she is STAFF. And this will of course continue when she goes back to work.

(Does he also have the impression you're currently on holiday?)

My job - get a good night sleep because I'm the busy and important one, wake up refreshed and shower, breakfast, stroll into my study, focus on my job at all costs, pop a head out to refuse and criticise. Because ... 🤷‍♂️ income.🤷‍♂️

Too many men think like this. The be all and end all of the relationship is 'but I bring home the money'.

Draw up a 24 hour chart for the last week and mark in red every single hour you spent on wifework, mumwork, housework and what you did. Everything.

Every bit of lost sleep, every juggling three things at once, and also at the end note everything you didn't have time for yourself - shower, exercise, breakfast etc because you were busy creating his life.

Then add in the hours he spent sleeping, grooming, relaxing etc as well as actively working at his job, and actively working to bring up your family.

You will be putting in more hours work. While you are on MAT LEAVE.

Time for a formal house meeting, held and delivered as if you were both at work. Leave emotions and accusations behind. Talk KPIs, goals, objectives, feedback, 'going forward'.

You mentioned your marriage was rocky - then he wanted another child. I wonder if the second baby business rather papered over cracks in the marriage that are splitting open again?

Edited

I love this "Your KPIs as a father and husband just haven't been up to par this quarter!"

DandyDenimScroller · 11/09/2025 12:48

Just read all your replies.
Another woman who has had children with a useless sperm donor and is unmarried.
It's a tale as old as time on here. When will women realise.

34ransum · 11/09/2025 12:56

This is really sad.

Why doesn't he want to contribute to a smoothly running household?

It sounds like a really toxic atmosphere for your kids to be in

BasicBrumble · 11/09/2025 13:03

Tell him you're thinking about going back to work early, and you just want to work out which days he will be doing the school runs, club runarounds, and everything else that will involve him doing half.

If he baulks, he will never do half, no matter what you do.

rainbowstardrops · 11/09/2025 13:25

Pinkcherry26 · 11/09/2025 10:21

This is one of those times I wish we could publicly like posts. I bet the numbers for this one would be off the scale, and the OP can't see it.

Show quote history

I often think we should have a like button too

rainbowstardrops · 11/09/2025 13:43

From your update, your husband not only sounds like a lazy arse but a nasty prick too.
You were already contemplating leaving him before, maybe you should reconsider that option again. What exactly would you miss from him?

snemrose · 11/09/2025 13:50

I genuinely don’t understand why women tolerate this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/09/2025 14:01

You will be leaving him at some point. He briefly tried to be a semi-decent person to get another child but has reverted to type.

Which means you need to plan for that. Save, work, do whatever you can to plan for leaving in the best way for you and the children. Have your eye on the prize. There’s no changing this one.

BumpyWinds · 11/09/2025 14:25

RogerR4bbit · 10/09/2025 23:16

Yes. You should most definitely be mad!!

Your P is NOT DOING ANY NIGHT WAKINGS AND THEN STAYING IN BED WHILE YOU GET UP AND DO THE SCHOOL RUN.

Do you not see the complete absurdity of this?? If he isn’t doing the night wakings, why does he get the lie in?

I’d be telling him that it’s 50/50 on the school run from here on out and he has to do a full week to begin with to make up for all the ones you’ve done by yourself.

Does he not recognise that mat leave is for YOUR body to heal? And it’s not going to do that on zero sleep.

He’s a shit dad and a shit “partner”. No wonder you’re angry, I’m angry for you.

Totally agree.

I was born in 1978 and my mum didn't work. Even back then, my Dad did the morning feed to give my mum time to sleep a bit more.

OP - what's your "D"H going to do when you're at the end of your mat leave? Is he suddenly going to start doing the morning drop offs, or will the next excuse be "well you're so used to doing it, and you're going to work anyway"? So then you've got a full time job and full time childcare on your hands, while he just carries on as if he'd never had children.

I, too, am angry on your behalf!

I'd be totting up the hours of sleep you've had and the hours of sleep he's had, presenting them and asking him to confirm how this is fair.

coxesorangepippin · 11/09/2025 15:01

Easier said than done I know, but I'd be going back to work, and seperating.

Then he can pay CMS on two kids.

Once he seems the cost of daycare fees he'll rue the day he didn't do the school run!!!

Studyunder · 11/09/2025 16:09

BasicBrumble · 11/09/2025 13:03

Tell him you're thinking about going back to work early, and you just want to work out which days he will be doing the school runs, club runarounds, and everything else that will involve him doing half.

If he baulks, he will never do half, no matter what you do.

Do this then arrange going back to work and TELL him what days he’s doing school run ect. If he complains, calmly explained that you’re chosen to go back to work for a rest.

Asking him to help clearly doesn’t work. So embrace the phrase “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission”. If he still doesn’t step up, then you know how he truly feels about family life.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and hope things change for the better. This is you and your children’s lives though. You need to take charge of your own destiny in the long term, as hard as that is. 🤗

SillyBry · 11/09/2025 16:13

Would a compromise be, he keeps the baby for you to do the school run with just one child? I feel like if he did the school run, you wouldn't expect him to take the baby... divide and conquer!!

RawBloomers · 11/09/2025 16:41

SillyBry · 11/09/2025 16:13

Would a compromise be, he keeps the baby for you to do the school run with just one child? I feel like if he did the school run, you wouldn't expect him to take the baby... divide and conquer!!

The point is that the baby is napping around then so OP could get some of the SLEEP she needs and her DH is already getting. Not that she wants it to just be less chaotic

Sammyhx · 11/09/2025 17:10

Wow
How selfish of your partner!!!
Tell him to help out with the school runs
What is wrong with men

MrsB2022 · 11/09/2025 17:44

LillyPJ · 11/09/2025 06:08

Unfair because he'd also be working all day? Yes, I know she still has the baby all day, but there will be times in the day when she can rest. DP can't.

Show quote history

If her original post is anything to go by i suspect the 'rest' periods are filled with household chores....She is on the clock 24/7 and he is doing his office hours?
OP how much does he contribute to chores etc

Widower2014 · 11/09/2025 18:02

What is / are his reasons for not doing it

Bluedenimdoglover · 11/09/2025 18:32

Take to your bed with "exhaustion" at the weekend and let him do everything around the house. Your priority is the baby. Let him struggle with the rest. If he wants a nice weekend with his family, he needs to pull his weight in the week.

pottylolly · 11/09/2025 18:38

Tell him that Maternity leave should be prep for when you go back to work. If he’s not doing 50/50 now then make it clear he will need to pay for his 50 when you return to work & you will not be doing him any favours.

Bakingsingingmama · 11/09/2025 19:46

I had a similar situation where I tried to do everything myself and didn't ask for help. Ended up with a screaming row with DH. Once he saw how upset I was and how I was struggling he apologised and now he takes my DS whilst I take our DD to nursery and on a Friday he takes them both so I can have a lie in. Now I am much more forthcoming with what I need him to do to help me out.

Be strong and explain that you need him to help out or you will crash.

Original poster
LittlePeachh · 11/09/2025 23:10

Just want to thank you all for taking the time to reply. I wasn’t quite sure what response I would receive, and whether I’d be told it was my choice to have kids and to suck it up.

He has offered to do it more often… we will see if this materialises or how long it lasts if so. I would be happy for even just one morning.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/09/2025 00:59

LittlePeachh · 11/09/2025 23:10

Just want to thank you all for taking the time to reply. I wasn’t quite sure what response I would receive, and whether I’d be told it was my choice to have kids and to suck it up.

He has offered to do it more often… we will see if this materialises or how long it lasts if so. I would be happy for even just one morning.

Schedule them. At least two a week so he can default to one.

Btowngirl · 12/09/2025 07:02

LittlePeachh · 11/09/2025 23:10

Just want to thank you all for taking the time to reply. I wasn’t quite sure what response I would receive, and whether I’d be told it was my choice to have kids and to suck it up.

He has offered to do it more often… we will see if this materialises or how long it lasts if so. I would be happy for even just one morning.

This isn’t a criticism, but your bar is too low. Don’t tell him you’d be happy with 1 per week, tell him you need 3 a week!

RogerR4bbit · 12/09/2025 07:48

Is “more often” his choice of words?

Because you know he’d only have to do the school run once to have done it “more often” than zero, and just to remind you, your piss-taking, lazy-fucker of a “partner” is a piss-taking, lazy-fucker.

Agree he does 3 times a week, that way if a meeting or illness, or something else crops up (which I’m sure it will 🙄) it will drop to two.

What you should be expecting from a partner is equality. Now equality doesn’t always mean a 50/50 split of every task - he might clean the bathroom while you nurse the baby for example - but you’re still doing ALL the night wakings, so you should really be getting ALL the lie-ins.

Him doing 3 school runs in this situation is an absolute gift, he should be offering to do more.

BellissimoGecko · 12/09/2025 08:04

What a lazy git. He should be doing his share of parenting in the mornings, not leaving it all to you. He should definitely do the school runs. He’s supposed to be making your life easier!!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/09/2025 15:17

You're doing all the pick ups WITH the baby. Why shouldn't he do all the drop offs unless he is going to the office and has to leave unreasonably early.

You have a chance to reset, grab it with both hands because it's the only way you won't end up doing 99% of everything when you go back to work.

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