Mad about DP refusing to do School Run

[LittlePeachh]

As the title says, AIBU to be mad about the fact my DP is refusing to do the school run?

Before we would take turns, but he seems to think I should do it every morning as I’m off on Mat Leave. He WFH. Usually doesn’t start until after I return back from dropping DC off.

By this point I’ve done the night feeds, got DC up, made breakfast, got DC ready whilst feeding and changing the baby AND getting myself ready. He’s happy to be awake, in bed and for me to leave the baby. But I’m shattered, even completing the most mundane household tasks takes all my effort.
baby goes back to sleep just after 8am and usually just before leaving for school run. DP dropping DC off means I could pop back to bed for a little while which would help with getting everything done before pickup.

Am I right to be mad or do I need to put on big girl pants and get on with it?

I am thinking of my lovely late father, who back in the 80s not only dropped me (and then my sister) at primary school on the way to work, but also four other children who lived near us. Every day. And my mum and all the other mums could stay home with babies, toddlers, or just their other household tasks that day.

Look him in the eye and ask him to explain to you, very carefully, why it is that his life should become easier and more restful after you have grown and birthed his baby, and he gets to actively make your life harder over and above the extra work and physical strain created by said baby.
Make the fucker squirm.

Ugh. Of course he should. My dh did all the school runs when I was on maternity leave and he wfh. I didn’t ever have to ask

He needs to get your child ready for school and take him while you sleep ffs you have been up all night!!! It's common sense. He's an idiot

He stays in bed while you do everything and you’ve been up doing the night feeds? What a selfish prick! How can you possible find him attractive? Oh and does he think that mat leave = a holiday?
I’d show him this thread personally.

Yes this is insane. What a lazy cunt

Just for reference, OP, my second was a unicorn sleeper – DP still did the getting up and getting ready with our older DC, and the school run, before WFH. Because I’d had a baby! My body needed the sleep. It aided the recovery from a difficult pregnancy and birth to be left to sleep in with the unicorn tucked up with me; your DP is not just being a lazy, selfish so-and-so – he’s affecting your health.

It’s mostly dads dropping off at our school.
WFH is great for this, he should just do it…

Dividing and conquering makes life easier. It would be easy for him to take the older one and it would be good for them to have the 1:1 time. It would be different if he was working but if he’s not starting until after school run there is no reason why he can’t be doing some of them.

Sounds like youve got a third child! How lazy of him.

You are 100% right to be mad. My partner does more than his fair share of the school runs and they aren't even his children. He actually offers to do it to help me without me even having to ask him.

Definitely fight your corner with this.

Your job is 24/7. Of course he needs to do school run.

IKR?

Mu husband does drop off and pick up, I get the kids ready in the morning while he showers and log in at 7:30 and work a bit then shower before my virtual meetings at 9:30.

As far as night feeds, I do the midnight-6 shift while he does 7-12 so I can get ok sleep. He also does most of the cooking. I do dishes and other cleaning.

One time I was talking to my grandma about this and she was like "Wow! He helps you so much!" I just rolled my eyes and said they're his kids too!

I'm not really sure how the OP managed to make another baby with such a lazy prick. I wouldn't be able to go near someone who treated me like such a skivvy.
Perhaps some counselling just for you OP to unpack all this. The fact that you are asking AIBU makes me wonder if this is coercive control.

Putting aside the 'should he do it or not' question (yes is the answer, obviously!) how can he hear 'I'm struggling. I'm exhausted. I am post-partum' and not say 'of course I'll do it'.

Rather than have you expend more energy fighting your corner and pointing out the bleedin' obvious. Is he quite the ticket?

He doesn't sound like he has your back. I'm sorry.

So he woke up as I was feeding the baby this morning (he’s in a separate room so wasn’t disturbed by that)
I said ‘hey, are you okay to drop DC off this morning?’
met with an outright ‘NO’, door shut and back to bed. I say what do you mean no?? No answer, get DC up, refused to get myself dressed and waited. He never stirred, never moved.
I wait until 10 mins before I’d typically leave and go say to him, I end up shouting. Whilst I’m getting dressed to take DC, he says ’I’ll just skip my shower will I?’
like I’ve been showered? He flinging my face that he technically (currently) paying for the car that I’m driving.
takes DC and returned 35 mins after I normally would after drop off. So I’m laying there wondering why it’s took so long for drop off and have been unable to actually get back to sleep!

How come he gets to refuse to do stuff? What if you refused to do it too? Who made him the boss of you? He’s a selfish twat.

He's behaving like a child, not only the school run stuff but flinging in your face that he's "technically" paying for your car? What are you saving him by looking after his children- its called a partnership... he clearly does not have a healthy idea of how a family works and needs that pointed out to him ASAP before resentment builds even more, which it will. I'm sorry OP.

Classic abuse tactic he did there

It's not great timing to try and sort this out in the morning when in the middle of getting DC ready for school and drop off and the general chaos of the start of the day.

You need to let him know that you both need a serious talk about sharing responsibilities whilst DC are at school. I suspect drop offs are the tip of the iceberg.

It's absolutely unacceptable that he is treating you in this way with zero respect for you and your health.

I’m so sorry OP. He is treating you with zero respect 😔😔.

And honestly I went through hell my first pregnancy and afterwards. He was bone idle of course until I had enough. We basically separated under the same roof. I was looking to leave when something huge happened in my life. I had a year of counselling regarding a lot of things, we worked on everything and he wanted another child. I scoffed at the idea and kept telling him he had no idea what it was like for me.
We were in a good place, I think for me I was working more and doing for myself helped massively. I decided for various reasons I’d like a second child, fell pregnant straight away.
Thankfully, pregnancy and recovery was much better second time round.

Also a while ago, he signed himself up for something external outside work. He done this whilst I was on holiday with DC - yes without him… i was given no choice. This takes up 2 evenings and some weekends. He spun it as he could get paid for doing it. So now I’m getting told that be technically works 2 jobs - this I actually did for half of DC1’s life. So I’m unappreciative, blah blah.
He still attends works out every day, has time to shower and do stuff whenever he wants and eats his meals in total peace, but I’m unappreciative!

Your husband is horrible.
You need a frank conversation with him.
Don't ask "are you ok to do school run" tell him, "tomorrow, you are getting them up, ready and taking them to school". Why does he get to dictate?! You are the one who has grown and birthed a baby, who's up in the night with them both. Whilst he sleeps in another room?
What a prince to "pay" for "your car" are you not a team? Are you not "saving him" money on childcare?
I would despise him if that was my husband and be finding a solicitor.

Oh yes I've had this too from older relatives -wow, you are so lucky that he helps... I guess in their generation it was all more clear cut on the division of labour and child care was seen purely as 'womens work'.