Mad about DP refusing to do School Run

[LittlePeachh]

As the title says, AIBU to be mad about the fact my DP is refusing to do the school run?

Before we would take turns, but he seems to think I should do it every morning as I’m off on Mat Leave. He WFH. Usually doesn’t start until after I return back from dropping DC off.

By this point I’ve done the night feeds, got DC up, made breakfast, got DC ready whilst feeding and changing the baby AND getting myself ready. He’s happy to be awake, in bed and for me to leave the baby. But I’m shattered, even completing the most mundane household tasks takes all my effort.
baby goes back to sleep just after 8am and usually just before leaving for school run. DP dropping DC off means I could pop back to bed for a little while which would help with getting everything done before pickup.

Am I right to be mad or do I need to put on big girl pants and get on with it?

He’s not listening because he thinks you grew them your responsibility. I would write out a rota. Explain childcare is still work and you are up at night. I married a selfish arse like this. It was never down to him to collect ill children, do school runs because of his job, the list goes on. Even though I worked to. Divorced now…

What the fuck? You being on mat leave isn't free license for your partner to just opt out of any responsibility. If he were rushing to get to work or was in work before school drop off then fair enough, but for him to lay in bed whilst you run yourself ragged getting everyone up, ready and out after being up during the night is beyond the pale. I'd be fucking livid.

And you had a second child with this fucking prick?! What are his good points op? He sounds absolutely awful. I feel sorry for you - can you get any help from anyone else?

Tell him no, firmly, and that if he doesn't take DC to school they won't go, then walk them to his work space and push them through the door.

Honestly you would be better off without him.

It's quite sad really that this father doesn't want to take his child to school (before he starts work) and have a little one on one time with them. It doesn't seem like this relationship is a true partnership. He does what he wants and you do everything for the family.

He should be doing ALL the school runs! You are on Mat leave to care for your baby not to do everything else as well!

I’m currently on Mat leave and only have one baby, my husband works from home and starts later so he gets up with the baby every morning and lets me sleep in an hour or two as I’ve been the one up with him during the night doing feeds. We are as fair as possible about these things across the board as we both chose to become parents. Sleep deprivation is torturous and you need to rest where you can. Definitely stand up for yourself here and wishing you well.

Is this going to continue when you go back to work? You'll be doing a full time job plus all this shit whilst he swans down to his little office and preens about the place?

I rarely say this but I'd be contemplating getting the feathered friends in a line.

Sounds like he doesn't do anything in the mornings before work, not just the school run.

When he isn't working childcare and household should be 50/50.

Yes he should do the school run.

I have been doing 99% of school drop offs and pick ups, and everything before and everything inbetween.

Been unhappy for the unbalanced set up for years, the pressure really got me very down at times. Did DH help? No, said I had to suck it up and get on with it. Did I resent him for that? Yes!

Took 10 years of pleading for him to finally help with morning routine for drop offs.

Don't be a mug like me. State what you need and don't take any less. Hand him his coat and his car keys and say there you go.

You are being more than fair. Some partners just take the piss as long as they can and completely disregard the impact it can have on their OH mental health.

This! The cheek of him, when the OP is driving his children around in it. Would he sooner have her walk with them 🙄

Lady, you need to put your foot down.
You're doing all pick ups because he's working. He should be doing all drop offs.
Don't ask him. Tell him.

I hope someone has asked this question already, but why on earth would her partner need to rest during the day because he’d done the school run before work?! Op needs to rest because she’s up with the baby all night. What the fuck am I reading here?

Honestly, after your update, I think you should still consider leaving him to be very much on the cards for you. He sounds absolutely horrible, and not only in the short term.

He shouldn’t just be doing some school runs, he should also be doing some night time wake ups.
And he isn’t paying for your car, you are married so all money is legally joint, you are both paying for your car

I didn't mean that DP would need to rest in the day.

He isn’t working when the child needs to be taken to school. Or does he get a pass because he will be working later that day? Fuck me, the bar is low.

but there will be times in the day when she can rest. DP can't.

But that’s exactly what you said? She can rest, dp cant. Why would he need to rest because he’s done the school run? And if you’ve realised how silly that sounds and have changed your mind and you no longer think he needs to rest, why is it unfair that he does some school runs?

He's not going to be doing anything when you go back to work. Your maternity leave has given him the opportunity to turn you into the one who does it all while he flat out refuses to do parenting tasks. He's going to the gym and doing a hobby thing while you do it all.

Maybe it's time to separate in house and plan to split once you get back to work. It's not like he's a helpful parent, you're already carrying the full load. Stop doing his work, such as laundry or food prep.

@LittlePeachh

i take it you both agreed you wanted another child?

• So you where the one who was pregnant for 9 months (admittedly he couldn’t have don’t this role)

• You were the one that gave birth (again he could not have done this role)

• you where the one whose body needs to recover from pregnancy & birth.

• you are the one having their nights broken to feed the baby (if breastfeeding he can’t do this role)

• you are the one that has also taken on additional parenting of all mornings/school runs

As for your partner;
he has been able to put his feet up and do less parenting by not doing his usual school runs.
He hasn’t stepped up and said “let me do the parenting of the bits I can do” and actually take on all the morning school runs, just for this first stage at least.

Pretty crap. Not really Co-parenting is he. I feel for you.

Not necessarily true that OP is able to rest during the day? Plenty of babies only nap when their carer is moving or holding them. I personally don't consider hiking with 8kg strapped to my chest/rocking a baby for an hour a rest.

The baby has a short nap by the sound of it between 8-9 so he "looks after" the baby while presumably having a leisurely breakfast and shower/wank.

The OP would like to take the opportunity to go back to bed and get the extra hour rather than heading out with DC1 to school before getting up with the baby properly a little later.

Apparently, getting up with his wife and children and helping to get DC1 prepped and out the door is too much like hard work. So it is falling to the OP to get DC1 to school while feeding a baby and dressing herself. After a night where both of them are up and down like yo yo's.

I'm absolutely raging on her behalf and all women like her who are married to such selfish and useless wastes of space. In the same boat, my husband brought me breakfast in bed while I fed the baby and managed to give DC1 breakfast [too young for school] and get himself ready at the same time.

I'm sorry OP, I think you should prepare to go back to work as soon as you possibly can. He's already in a different room, I'd make it very clear that he can stay there on a permanent basis.

He’s not WFH when he’s showering, sleeping in, breakfasting, shouting at OP. She’s not asking him to do the school run during his work hours. He can do it during the time he’s not having to commute.

Being at home with the kids doesn’t mean doing it 24/7 while the working partner gets all their non-work time off. That’s insane.

I would expect him to do it every morning!!

He's got the maturity of a 14 year old boy talking back to his mummy. Gross.