Mad about DP refusing to do School Run

[LittlePeachh]

As the title says, AIBU to be mad about the fact my DP is refusing to do the school run?

Before we would take turns, but he seems to think I should do it every morning as I’m off on Mat Leave. He WFH. Usually doesn’t start until after I return back from dropping DC off.

By this point I’ve done the night feeds, got DC up, made breakfast, got DC ready whilst feeding and changing the baby AND getting myself ready. He’s happy to be awake, in bed and for me to leave the baby. But I’m shattered, even completing the most mundane household tasks takes all my effort.
baby goes back to sleep just after 8am and usually just before leaving for school run. DP dropping DC off means I could pop back to bed for a little while which would help with getting everything done before pickup.

Am I right to be mad or do I need to put on big girl pants and get on with it?

"What a lazy, selfish little twat."

I agree

Offer to trade and you do all the school runs whilst he does the night wakings and morning routine?

If you are up in the night and he has slept through, he should really get up with the kids and do everything, so you can sleep in. If you have to feed the baby, then you should be able to do that and go back to bed. Disrupted sleep is hard. Does he ever get up in the night? Even if you are breastfeeding, he should deal with the eldest.

He's just being selfish (or totally oblivious). He has probably classified it as a 'home' job (or a women's job). I would try talking to him calmly about how you need more sleep. (Edited to add: you probably have tried this already, keep insisting! I just meant have the conversation beforehand not in the morning when it might become an argument and then you won't get back to sleep).

I’m sorry but he sounds like a lazy and disengaged teen. His wife is exhausted and he’s just focused on himself. Taking the kids (and getting them ready) would give you a little time to rest and would also give him some time to be part of the kids daily school life. It’s beyond sad he can’t be bothered. Isn’t marriage/family about teamwork and care? Love needs action not just words and
he’s hardly being asked to do something extraordinary here, just be a grown up and a decent human being. Sending you huge hugs, I remember how exhausting it is with little ones x

So, having a newborn baby has made your husband's life easier rather than more difficult?

My cousin nearly killed her whole family driving while exhausted from lack of sleep.

If you haven’t slept enough just don’t take DC to school. He can either hang out with you all day watching TV and bothering your husband or your husband will come to his senses.

But unless he has a really good reason for avoiding drop offs, I’d be reconsidering your choice with this one.

If you split up and got 50/50 custody that’s plenty of school runs and drop offs he would have to do then.

Speaking from experience my demonic ex used to encourage me to stay up late, claiming he would do the nursery run in the morning and low and behold- he refused to help. Back then it was part of the abuse cycle of sleep deprivation and weaponised incompetence. I made my plan to keep him away, "co-parented" from a distance and became organised and structured, so I was able to just get on with what was needed.

I'm hesitant to suggest that the OP is experiencing abuse, but it sure doesn't sound like an equal partnership either. A pregnant woman needs support, between all the general tiredness that comes with pregnancy and taking care of another young child already. Yet the OP DP is seeing this and is turning his head away.

Realistically even if he woke up in the night, I can guarantee that he would be waking you up too. Your best bet is you, handle the nights and he does the morning run.

OP, you can have a conversation with him and state that you need support. But I doubt you're going to get very far, as even in your vulnerable state- it doesn't stir his need to protect your wellbeing or provide some much needed support.

He sounds horrible! He absolutely should be doing the school run at the very least 2 mornings a week so you can go back to bed and try to catch up on sleep.

When he’s not working the running of the home should be 50/50

He works from home? I wouldn't get anyone ready, let them have a day off, fill them with sugar.
It's a small task that benefits the whole family. He needs to get off his bottom.

Is it his child? Only in a later post you say 'However, he gets up with my older child & the baby stays with me' So does he not feel responsible for the older child as they are not biologically his.

My SLT - all men with children at this point - did the school runs and we scheduled meetings around them. These were guys who managed a team of 500 and a budget of £5m+.

Your DH needs to pull his finger out and do more.

When your mat leave ends he will come up with another reason why it's 'easier' for you to keep doing it than to share. These sorts of men become entitled while you're taking time out to look after their baby.

I have been on MN for years now and this is just another depressing thread where yet another man is a selfish cunt. And she’s enabled it long enough for there to be two children in the mix learning that mummies are supposed to be exhausted domestic drudges and men stay in bed and do what they like. Great. Another generation destined to repeat the same old shit.

He should do drop offs and want to so u are not shouldering all the load. He is a selfish pig. When you go back to work will u be expected to do everything and work out of the home? Take care OP.

He should be doing it every day! He's a lazy sod.

He should definitely be up and helping to get everyone ready and doing the school run when able. Surprised by the SAHMs whose husbands did drop offs daily though! Unless posters are meaning whilst on mat leave…

In case it needs pointing out to you op, you have far bigger problems than the school run.

the problem is he doesn’t particularly like you. At least not enough to go out of his way in any way. I go out of my way for the people I like, I go miles out of my way for the people I love.
and you don’t like him, you can’t possibly because he treats you like shit, so if there’s any bond there it’s a trauma bond or fantasy bond.

start doing the sums and working towards the inevitable.

You’re on mat leave, you haven’t taken a job as a skivvy. Mat leave is so you can look after the baby during your normal working hours. Anything that needs to be done outside those hours should be shared fairly.

if he doesn’t see that, attempts to discuss it sensibly fail and he continues to refuse to do the school run, I would tempted to refuse to do it too. Then go out with the baby, leaving him to juggle the DC and WFH.

Sorry, both are his children!

His work space is completely separate to the main house. Them being home makes no difference to his work.
He only pops in now and again.

I think he's gonna be in for a shock when you start working again! He's being a lazy twat re:parenting and needs to step up!
Make a list of the things that need to be done re:kids, show how many you do comparing yo him, and say he needs to take more on to balance the books. Also remind him that when you start working again, those tasks will need to be 50:50.

Even if he wasn’t doing the school run he should still be getting up and helping get DC ready while you’re feeding the baby, can’t believe he thinks lying in bed while you’re doing all that is acceptable!

My husband and I split all the nights - we did shifts as we had two babies who didn’t sleep well for months. So I went to bed from 8-1 and he slept 1-6. He worked in the office when we had babies so did all the nursery runs when we had our second. While he was at work I did everything and when he was home we both did half - my daughter was home two days a week so I had both kids and I’d basically throw them at him when he got home and go for a walk or a bath or something. He’d hang out with them, cook dinner and I’d resurface to eat with them.

Given that he works from home and apparently disengages all night I can’t really see why it would be so hard to spend 20 minutes parenting every morning. I think he sounds awful.

Tell the lazy sod to do his fair share. Not that you should have to tell him. Men like this make my blood boil.

My second was an awful sleeper and DH used to take the oldest to nursery everyday so I could sleep until the baby woke up.

He’s a cunt, OP.

At the stage where you’re doing night feeds and night wakes and night nappies, and recovering from pregnancy and birth, the other stuff isn’t 50/50: your partner is meant to step up 100%, so you can cope with the seismic physical, mental, hormonal and emotional toll. At the moment, you’re postpartum and stepping up 100%, and he’s lying in bed?! I’m not exaggerating when I say this is up there with the worst DH behaviour I’ve read on Mumsnet.