Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

[brackenbury]

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

Its not remotely funny but I burst out laughing at this! Not at his pathetic humour but out of shock that an adult man would behave like this on a date and you had to sit there and humour such an imbecile. I haven't heard such discourse from a male since I was at secondary school. Did he also wear lynx deodrant and fart loudly and laugh about it??

Clearly, you're a very very smart, educated person. I don't think you need to waste any time with this knobhead..... what on earth do you see yourself talking about with him ? He's quite simply an eeeeeedyat and you owe him nothing. Do not lower your standards. NEXT........
.........

@brackenbury Why not go on a date with a normal man who isn't obsessed with paedophilia, and who wants to talk about things that are not work related?

I like the PP who said “tell him to P off.”

He sounds horrendous. Possibly threatened by successful, clever women. You deserve much better (and I suspect will find it, if you decide to keep looking).

you sound great OP - he’s just an idiot alas

Was he draped in a St George cross too? Sounds like a right idiot

OP I've only read your posts not the whole thread, so apologies if I'm repeating anything others have already said. My advice is a) get a cheap pay as you go phone or different sim card or whatever for 'dating', that you only use/switch on when you are in the mood - when your 'real' phone rings or pings, you want to know that it is your friends and family, not the idiot who makes 'pedo' jokes b) don't chat for long at all before meeting up - you are just very casually dating, that means going for a walk/coffee/drink/dinner (whichever feels most comfortable for you) in a safe and public place with someone to spend a few hours together. Maybe there'll be attraction, maybe there won't be but there'll be a bit of a laugh, maybe there's a friendship, maybe there's boredom, maybe there's a story for your friends/MN about the idiot who makes 'pedo' jokes. c) go for these very casual meet ups with anyone and everyone (of course assuming no red flags in the profile). Don't think about whether they are future partner material. You just don't know - as you found out, someone 'normal/lovely' is in fact an utter twat. Meeting up for a coffee or a drink with a man for an hour or so is all you need to do, always in the knowledge that it's just a meet up that has no potential attached to it and they cannot impose on your 'real life' with your friends and family, work and hobbies. It's brave for you to put yourself out there after a devastating loss. Good men are out there wanting to meet someone too, don't let an utter twat put you off. Treat dating just as a chance to meet new people for an hour or so, that's it.

Yeah I used to give my middle name and a second phone number that I used for dates which wasn’t connected to my social media or anything.

Men who ask for my Instagram before I’ve even met them are a red flag and it’s a no to that request because my full name is on there.

Some good advice from @Joliefolie

I'd say (especially if online dating men new to you really is your only option) that going for dinner is best avoided.

Morning coffee, a gallery, a park, cafe lunch - something quick, inexpensive, public, daylit, with easy transport home.

He’s been calling her a nonce. Do you really think she needs to sit him down and give him the breakup speech to explain why she doesn’t want a second date?

I think the choice of time of day, activity, walk, coffee, gallery, drink, dinner etc. really has to come down to the individual. What do you enjoy doing? Do what you enjoy and then even if the person is a total dud you've at least done something you enjoy dong. Safety is non-negotiable, of course, public location and guaranteed easy and safe transport home... but some people are simply more comfortable having a 50/50 paid split couple of hours chatting over dinner with someone new than the other options, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just state clearly what you want before meeting (e.g. I'm not looking to engage in lots of online chatting and much prefer to meet face to face - I simply like to meet new people and chat without all the faff of 'dating' or whatever): be true to yourself rather than doing what you think you should be doing. Again, of course, safety is paramount.

The only person he embarrassed was himself.No questions on how you got into that line of work etc to show a bit of interest..nope so you're a paedo what an absolute idiot.
Block and forget thicko boy.👍

I'm sorry, but I disagree. If he was dim, all the more reason to specifically speak up. And I suspect it would provide some closure for the OP, too.

I hope you're not saying that we should deny people the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and improve.

I’d unblock, reply the pedo joke wasn’t funny the first time and was very belittling of my career, and then keeping up that ‘joke’ was half of your conversation for the evening. Why do you think I left without coffee? I’m going to block you again now.

and block

I would send one message telling him exactly what you think of him before blocking him. What a pathetic insecure little manlet.

Wow how immature can he get, I would send me a message telling him exactly what you think of him and his behaviour then block him, you don't need this loser in your life. I am sure there is plenty of decent guys out there waiting for you. Don't be disheartened.

Perhaps I'm looking at this from the wrong perspective. No matter who I am - a pediatrician or anyone (of any gender) and I were to 'date' a person (of any gender) who 'made a pedo joke' (rolling in the aisles here, with tears streaming down my face) I would have stood up so fast my chair would have hit the floor, and I would have blocked them before I even reached the door on my very fast exit.

What am I missing here?

OP has been on one date with him and he behaved like Jay from the Inbetweeners. It isn't OP's responsibility to help him become a better person. He was rude and insulting and she is perfectly justified in blocking him so that he can't contact her again. After his juvenile behaviour on the first date, she doesn't owe him anything.

OP's date was so rude and insulting that she owes him absolutely nothing, not her time and not an explanation. You don't think that a man calling a paediatrician a paedo on the first date isn't 'really bad dating etiquette'? Why is is OP's responsibility to consider his feelings when he has been nothing but rude and inconsiderate to her? A first date isn't the first lesson at dating school where OP has to provide some gentle and helpful feedback.

I’m glad you blocked him. He sounds incredibly stupid and irritating.

This is exactly what we all have to do. Zero tolerance of this ridiculous and offensive kind of behaviour.

Sorry to hear. If it makes you feel better suggest write a polite note saying you found his comments about your profession offensive and inappropriate then simply block him - that way you get it off your chest and get to restore the power balance.

OP, is right to be wary.
He sounds both a twat, insecure about her job, of very low intelligence and possibly unstable.

Despite the above, these losers are often hugely entitled and can turn very nasty upon rejection.

Blocking and telling them nothing is best.
Helping them mask their awfulness does not help other women.

Let them showcase their sheer awfulness freely.

I hope you have a support dog, OP?

Remember the old comedy skit with Sanjay? "Cheque please". Off him OP. You really are worth more.

He sounds rude unfunny and thick! Just block and move on .I wouldnt bother to reply really,but if you want to say something "Hi Not interested in meeting again.Your comments were baffling to say the least.I spend all day treating sick children .Was hoping to meet a sensible adult but no .15 year boy caught in a 40 something body and not very bright at that!"