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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

605 replies

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

OP posts:
LalaPaloosa2024 · 11/09/2025 20:00

Silence is the best response, block him. Do not engage. Any attention is welcome when it comes to men like him. Don’t give it to him.

He was absolutely trying to take you down a peg or two because YOU ARE BETTER THAN HIM and he knew it instantly.

Would you want your daughter or best friend dating someone like this?

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 11/09/2025 20:02

Can I ask what his job is? He sounds ignorant and threatened by you.

ThisOpal · 11/09/2025 20:08

What an idiot! The first time he said it and you obviously wasn’t happy it should have stopped then and shown some respect …sometimes we put it down to nerves first dates etc but this from personal experience the early signs someone annoys you or shows little respect tends to be the reason it doesn’t work in the end

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 11/09/2025 20:15

Oh god that’s depressing! Nice men definitely do exist. Maybe they’ve given up dating too.

Pessismistic · 11/09/2025 20:17

What a prick!

DancyNancy · 11/09/2025 20:17

Oh god, you poor thing. Idiot.
It reminds me of the episode of Friends when Monica goes out with Chip 😂

Lovehascomeandgone · 11/09/2025 20:23

Honestly he is beneath you and below your standard for a response. Block and move on OP. You do an amazing job which is super hard.

Blablibladirladada · 11/09/2025 20:36

Yeah you can do better.

Loads of men do feel the necessity to crap on women success to feel important. Please find one that is happy and leave the unhappy ones in their unhappy ponds (lake, ocean?)

JustSawJohnny · 11/09/2025 20:57

He's an insecure, unamusing twat.

I think you're right that he felt he needed to 'bring you down'. It has been my experience in the past that many men can't handle being with intelligent women. It hurts their ego. 100% their problem, but it's worth remembering that all men are not the same. Good ones are out there.

I also think you need to unclench a tad. You don't need to take the inane ramblings of a man child so personally.

Laugh it off and move on.

Endorewitch · 11/09/2025 21:17

He can't cope with an intelligent woman,hence the infantile response.
Don't even bother to reply. It will feed his ego. Block and move on.
Maybe go on a site for professionals .
Good luck. You don't deserve to be treated like this by an unintelligent moral!

ThisBrickOtter · 11/09/2025 21:23

Ah yes. This was brought sharply into light thanks to a super gay lesbian friend, who, when she felt the ol' hormones of luurve flowing, and through conversation, discovered her date had a PhD, "read it so I could get to know her better".

I just can't believe it's taken me to this age to realise how fucking immature men generally are. If I don't enjoy their company, or the hot second there's an energy shift I'm out. Also started calling out their shite as they really do need it explaining to them. Even the decent ones. Just don't get angry, do it like you're talking about the weather.

Men, sort your status and hierarchy issues out, be mindful of them at least!

A PhD is a dick slayer.. Oh and don't think guys with PhDs are any better. Don't get me STARTED on male medical PhDs.

OMG the Harvard academic who could not work out the washing machine when my (doctorate) friend left him. What. The. Fuck. Is. It. With. The. Washing. Machine. Alzheimer's.

Do tell him off for funsies, but for your entertainment. He treated your life's work as his entertainment. See how he likes the energy (he won't, stay safe).

Shoemadlady · 11/09/2025 21:24

I’m all for blocking him but you should have told him why. If for no other reason than to do the next woman who dates him a favour! 😂

PorridgeEater · 11/09/2025 21:30

tripleginandtonic · 11/09/2025 12:48

First post nails it.And should have been done on the first date. Honestly for a supposedly intelligent dr you're giving this a lot of headspace

Edited

That's what I thought - but you are perhaps worried about the situation. Definitely don't respond - it's what he wants and no matter what you say he could twist it to continue involvement with you. I hope you hear no more of him.

Anon572747525991 · 11/09/2025 21:35

Clocksgobackautumngirl · 11/09/2025 18:31

He sounds really, really thick, massively insecure and extremely intimidated by you. What a loser.

Just thick I reckon. No person of normal intelligence would think it was remotely funny. Saying it once and then cringing yourself inside out is one thing (still thick, but some self awareness at least) - repeating it again and again? 😳 yikes. What a loser he is. At least he put himself out of the running early on OP, that's about the most positive thing I can say 🤭

ForNoisyCat · 11/09/2025 21:39

brackenbury · 11/09/2025 12:15

So I blocked him last night on WhatsApp (which is the only platform on my device that we were communicating on).

He then iMessage-d me today AM saying: "????"

Two hours later he messaged again saying: "Where do you work? I'm WFH (strikes) and can meet you after work."

That's not even an 'invite' to a second date - and I'm most definitely not telling him which hospital I work at!!

I only saw the messages once I took a break from work.

I blocked him via iMessage - which means he can't text/call my phone at all. (Whereas blocking on WhatsApp just blocked him on that particular app).

That lack of awareness is something else altogether!

He actually sounds scary.

wingsanddreams · 11/09/2025 21:40

I hate men like that. I would have just stood up and walked out. Don't reply or explain - it’s not worth wasting another second of your precious life.

SnoopyPajamas · 11/09/2025 21:45

He was negging you. You're successful and that makes him feel insecure. Deep down he knows that's pathetic, hence the veneer of "joking".

And you say this guy is 43? He's a loser. You're well rid.

Bournetilly · 11/09/2025 21:46

I’d respond and tell him why you are blocking him. He sounds like a weirdo.

Charlize43 · 11/09/2025 21:51

Why are you even asking? Block!

PotatoLove · 11/09/2025 21:59

He sounds like a complete moron.

jmh740 · 11/09/2025 22:03

Tell him you spend your working life with children and don't want to spent your free time with one!

SurroundedByEejits · 11/09/2025 22:10

Ah, the manosphere 'negging' bs. A whole movement that tells men they have to put women in their place by putting them down so their expectations are lowered.

I doubt that your feedback would make any difference. He's a puerile, sad little man who clearly does not deserve your attention or time. Move on.

elprup · 11/09/2025 22:12

ThisBrickOtter · 11/09/2025 21:23

Ah yes. This was brought sharply into light thanks to a super gay lesbian friend, who, when she felt the ol' hormones of luurve flowing, and through conversation, discovered her date had a PhD, "read it so I could get to know her better".

I just can't believe it's taken me to this age to realise how fucking immature men generally are. If I don't enjoy their company, or the hot second there's an energy shift I'm out. Also started calling out their shite as they really do need it explaining to them. Even the decent ones. Just don't get angry, do it like you're talking about the weather.

Men, sort your status and hierarchy issues out, be mindful of them at least!

A PhD is a dick slayer.. Oh and don't think guys with PhDs are any better. Don't get me STARTED on male medical PhDs.

OMG the Harvard academic who could not work out the washing machine when my (doctorate) friend left him. What. The. Fuck. Is. It. With. The. Washing. Machine. Alzheimer's.

Do tell him off for funsies, but for your entertainment. He treated your life's work as his entertainment. See how he likes the energy (he won't, stay safe).

Am I the only one who doesn’t understand this post? What do you mean she read the PhD to get to know her better? If your friend is a woman, what’s that got to do with men being immature? And what do you mean that guys with PhDs aren’t any better? Please explain! 🤯

Personperson · 11/09/2025 22:19

I really think you have left the minute he said that to you on the date. I don't understand why you stayed another moment longer with that idiot.

Block him now and work on tightening your boundaries.

Iziz · 11/09/2025 22:38

He was intimidated by your profession so he wanted to make you feel bad by making a stupid joke he seems childish and a loser don’t give him another chance .