To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

[WhyWhyWhyDelulu]

Need MN perspective. Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but have known each other for a lot longer. We don’t live together but are close.

Boyfriend’s DC are at a top public school and for various reasons he and his ex-wife can no longer afford the (expensive) fees for their DC3. They have already paid for DC 1&2 to complete the school. But without more money, youngest DC3 will be moving at the end of this year to do sixth form elsewhere.

Boyfriend is really upset, as is DC3. I have the means to meet the shortfall - should I do so?

For context, I have no relationship with DC3 (never met) this would completely and wholly be done as a favour to Boyfriend. My DC are through school and did not go to private school at all. However, I did go to private school and various people helped my parents out with fees, so this feels like karma.

YABU - this is a BF problem only and DC3 will be fine
YANBU - education is a gift and this will not be wasted

Yes, it is different. You have a bond with your nephew and have known him all your life by doing so you're also helping your family. OP has commented that she hadn't met the son because she's not interested. But coupled with that OP is in a relationship; that's a very important aspect. Would OP think this a good idea if her bf and her split up, would it create an obligation on him to continue the relationship, be in the relationship for OPs money.

You make some excellent points. I hadn't thought of it like that. Still not sure she deserves some of the harsher responses saying she is stupid or mad etc. It did seem like a kind gesture on the face of it but could end up very complicated as you have explained above.

No it would make it very complicated and it's a normal time to move school anyway, starting sixth form fresh. Sixth form is also filled with people who have chosen to do their particular subjects so classes generally have
motivated learners. What would happen if things ended in a year? You would still be on the hook and it would be an awful time for a child to move mid way through a levels.

You also have a responsibility to your own children either to put those funds to use for your own retirement (so they are less burdened with care responsibilities/ cost) or you could help them with deposits/ moving house costs/ helping out when on mat leave down the line etc etc. This could do huge damage to your relationship with your own children who went through state education. It just isn't worth the risk or damage to such an important relationship!

Probably, as that would be a red flag to me.

Lots of us see it as a potential scam.
Shes obviously told him she savings or he wouldn't even make hints.

@WhyWhyWhyDelulu How are you? Have you any thoughts since starting this thread? What’s been the outcome?

What did you decide to do @WhyWhyWhyDelulu