To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

[WhyWhyWhyDelulu]

Need MN perspective. Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but have known each other for a lot longer. We don’t live together but are close.

Boyfriend’s DC are at a top public school and for various reasons he and his ex-wife can no longer afford the (expensive) fees for their DC3. They have already paid for DC 1&2 to complete the school. But without more money, youngest DC3 will be moving at the end of this year to do sixth form elsewhere.

Boyfriend is really upset, as is DC3. I have the means to meet the shortfall - should I do so?

For context, I have no relationship with DC3 (never met) this would completely and wholly be done as a favour to Boyfriend. My DC are through school and did not go to private school at all. However, I did go to private school and various people helped my parents out with fees, so this feels like karma.

YABU - this is a BF problem only and DC3 will be fine
YANBU - education is a gift and this will not be wasted

Even nicer to give the money to her own kids to help them out.

Why on earth would you pay another persons school fees.

If its so short term, they can get a loan if its that important to them

Are you wealthy? Obviously. So can you afford to be this generous? If so, then go ahead. I wouldn't but I have to count the pennies.

What if one day your adult child comes to you and says that your grandchild needs special schooling or private medical treatment and they need help with the fees. Are you going to be happy to tell your child, you might have been able to help comfortably, but you helped a boyfriend back in the day put his child through school so you just don’t have the money?

I'd think about how this will affect your overall finances. If there would be minimal impact to you then I'd probs do it

Batshit.

Only as a loan with a solid contract. I mean, you’ve never even met the kid! Did the BF hint or ask for the money?

Totally ridiculous. Save your money fir your own kids or grandchildren

If you can genuinely spare the money, can put aside any and all thoughts of getting it back, can give it away with absolutely no strings attached regardless of whatever happens in future, then it's your money so it's up to you.

I'd be considering how quickly I could build my savings back up before I did so. And I'd also be considering how your children might feel if they ever found out.

Ultimately though, it's your money to do with as you wish.

Shame there’s no option for “You are being fucking batshit to even consider this”.

You didn’t do this for your own dc but are thinking about doing it for sometime else’s? Did he see you coming?? Your dc will be very upset I would guess. Don’t be a mug.

DC often move for 6th form. Parents should have worked all this out. School might give them time to pay. They’ve messed this up, not you. Breaking up costs money. The local comp will be great!

How much money are we talking?
I wouldn't do it.
It would feel very unfair and disloyal to my own DCs.
Surely if you are happy to part with however much money this is, you should share it between your own DCs, not some short term BF's DC, who you have never even met.

This is a really bizarre post.

(Edited to correct spellings.)

No way. That must be about £50k plus?!

For a kid you've literally never met. Your boyfriend should not be allowing you to even contemplate this type of financial commitment.

After you've not been together long. What if you split? Would you still pay? As obviously it's not the kid's fault.

It's a terrible idea. Spend the money on yourself or give it to your own kids.

It’s your money. I don’t see why this is a problem if you want to do it.

Absolutely a hard no. What the hell are you thinking?

How will your kids feel if you pay for a child you’ve never met to attend private when they didn’t?

If you said gcse year id say nice if you can but for 6th form? Nah - half the private's round here don’t even have 6th form!

Well if your DC had great education and didn't go to private school why does your b/f' s youngest need to finish his education at private school? Surely the state system will give him equally good prospects as your DC

Ah - ok a couple of things:

• I would meet the shortfall, not the full fees (but nonetheless £££)
• My DC are doing great, we don’t need to worry about them.
• BF has no idea I would consider this

I am really interested by the responses. I had bursaries and grants and support for my schooling so I guess this seems way more normal to me.

It would be extremely disruptive for the child if your relationship with your BF ends and neither parent can afford the fees. You've only been with him a year, it would be a hard no from me.

Keep your spare money for yourself or to help your own dc if they should need it in the future.
They need to sort it themselves.
And if he asks you then thats a really bad sign .

Pricey way to play the ‘pick me!’ game!

If you have a spare £60k (or whatever sixth form costs) that you don’t want to give or save for your own DC or keep for yourself, it’d be much better to give it to charity!

Loads of DC move at sixth form for various reasons.

I think it would be a brilliant thing to do if you can afford it and it comes with no strings. Only you know if that is the case

Such a weird thread.

Just no way. What everyone else has said. Plus, a lot of kids leave our local private schools for state sixth, and do very well. The child won’t be the only one to move.

Give the money to your own children.