Why the dislike for larger families?

[momtoboys]

Posting here for traffic.

There was a post yesterday from a mom who had five children. I was surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at her for her larger than normal family. Things were said such as “you can’t properly parent five children”, “well, that’s your fault for having so many children”!

I have five children who are now grown. It made me wonder if people in my real world were thinking those mean things about my family. Why does it seem to be such a big deal? People choose the number of children that will complete their families. For some families it is one. Others it is six. Why do people seem to judge harshly if it is a higher number?

The vape addicted gamers? Doubt it.

Hardly worth worrying about? You may change your mind when you get there.

Why do you assume they will all be vape addicted gamers? The children and young people of today will be paying the State Pensions of the future.

😂

I'm not really expecting a state pension with the way things are going - if I get it's a bit of bonce. My personal pension will cover my needs.

Lucky you.

As others have said, you’re misrepresenting that thread. Not sure why.

Not luck, prudent financial planning.

Not as much as people hate only children

Why should we hate only children?

Very few people have sufficient time, money (not provided by others) and patience to parent 5 or more children well.

The thread in point did not indicate that they had the above. They seemed to be struggling, had indicated that one child was 'an accident' and wanted others to provide help that was not offered.

I think people only dislike it when they clearly can't cope or are financially struggling yet have baby after baby and seem surprised they are still financially struggling.

Having 5 children would keep you busy for sure. The post I'm assuming you're talking about was the one that pps have already said was from a Mum who was complaining that her 5 children were 'a lot' and her MiL didn't offer to help.

I don't think, and have never witnessed a trend of people judging larger families harshly. If you have the energy, the resources, the space and the money to have a large family then it's fine - I would dread paying for the weekly shop and the school uniform!

People will always judge others harshly for any number of reasons, large or small families.

In recent years I’ve noticed more and more people proclaiming how it’s better to have just one child to minimise the impact that humans have on the environment. So I expect a lot of the critics who are voicing their disapproval for larger families are coming from these quarters. I also think there’s an element of snobbery in it. People can have as many children as they want as far as I’m concerned - as long as you don’t expect me and other tax payers to pay for them.

captainmycaptain

or it can be funded through immigration, my preferred option

thats people to work, plus we don’t need to add to the worlds population

"Not as much as people hate only children"

Disagree, not seen anyone getting abuse for having one child in fact I started saying I have one now and didn't get any negative comments at all, I think times have changed and only children are seen as the ideal now. So I disagree with you completely.

It's less 'hating large families' and more 'hating unreasonable demands or moaning about the logistics of having a large family, after choosing to have said large family'.

@Bumblebee72- people have long hated only children. Spoiled. Weird. Selfish.

Because many people are so conditioned to believe the acceptable number of children is 2, they can't see beyond that.
After all, most threads on MN by parents who struggle with their children have one or two, because that's what most people have. No one comes on and says, "you should have stuck to one child!" or "serves you right for having children!"

As the mum of an only child while I don’t think they’re hated they’re certainly not embraced on MN and I wouldn’t see it as being considered the ideal at all.

Yeah it's not the number of kids, it's about whether you can look after them properly. I have a few friends that have 4-5 kids and they do fine. They all work and don't rely on benefits, and they are ridiculously organised and schedule their time so they have enough one on one time with each kid. No problems there, even though they all do say that it is a struggle to give them all the attention they need from their parents. Overall they seem to make it work and are happy with their set ups.

Then there are the people who already struggle and have more. I get that accidents happen and I am sympathetic, but if you keep having kids and know there won't be extra help, and you know you're not going to do well financially or emotionally, then I do wonder if they thought it through. I know someone who had a baby and just could not cope so her mum had the child pretty much full time. Then she met another bloke, had another kid, and couldn't cope, so her mum raised the two kids (who now have serious attachment issues). She met another man and had her third, so now all of her kids are being cared for by their grandmother and I don't really see what the point was because everyone is miserable.

Anyway, each to their own and all that, but if you're going to have a big family you need to be able to look after the children yourself. I don't think there's any hate there, just facts.

As long as you can afford the children money and time

I'll judge anyone who chooses to have more children than they can realistically care for properly. I don't mean people who have fallen onto bad times, they are the people the benefit safety nets should be for. I mean the unemployed with a couple of kids and trying for the 3rd.

@Ddakji more than bigger families imo and "one and done" seems to be popular on here and like I stated I've tested this and haven't received any hate for only having "one" but I guess that's my experience I get a lot of hate for having a big family so I just lie now which is why I've name changed for this thread

You’ve “tested” it by pretending to only have one? Maybe try living it, you’d get a different picture than with your nonsense.