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Original poster

Why the dislike for larger families?

271 replies

momtoboys · 10/09/2025 15:45

Posting here for traffic.

There was a post yesterday from a mom who had five children. I was surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at her for her larger than normal family. Things were said such as “you can’t properly parent five children”, “well, that’s your fault for having so many children”!

I have five children who are now grown. It made me wonder if people in my real world were thinking those mean things about my family. Why does it seem to be such a big deal? People choose the number of children that will complete their families. For some families it is one. Others it is six. Why do people seem to judge harshly if it is a higher number?

OP posts:
DangerousAlchemy · 10/09/2025 20:12

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2025 16:00

There is no negative view of having five children if the parents provide for them and care for them properly.

The OP yesterday had one 16yo vaping in his room, one13yo who refused to help by nipping to the shop, had allowed herself to run out of nappies and was criticising her MIL, who was in her 60s and understandably wasn't keen on babysitting. She then took her youngest four out in the rain.

I'm one of six. I remember what it was like. Never enough of anything. No attention. No privacy. Always late for or lacking something. Excluded from activities through lack of money. Very little care. It was no fun at all.

Having a large family requires planning, a large income, plenty of space & time, and good organisation if the children are not going to suffer. It didn't sound like that was happening yesterday.

Absolutely this! A large family requires a large income imo. Otherwise it just means the kids miss out on lots of things & absolutely miss out on any quality time with Mum and Dad.

BuildbyNumbere · 10/09/2025 20:16

Assume because of the burden you put on the environment in an already over populated world, burden put on NHS as well as the tax payer, assuming you are drawing child benefit and sending them to a state school.

Lifeisapeach · 10/09/2025 20:16

It wasn’t an anti-large-family thread at all. The op couldn’t cope! She didn’t have her shit together! She was surprised her MIL wasn’t giving her time to help out but said her kids were difficult so I’m not surprised!

I have three kids (one set twins) and it felt my husband and I were outnumbered when they were small. I would never have expected help from anyone. 5 kids is A LOT. you’d expect people to review the support system in Place before procreating to that extent!

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/09/2025 20:17

CinnamonBuns67 · 10/09/2025 17:40

I don't think negatively about large families per se but I do come from a big family (eldest of 6) and I had 0 1-1 time with my mum (Dad wasn't in picture but siblings dad's were), we got cheapest of the cheap food and sometimes only fed a tin of tesco value beans for tea (about half tin each), often had to wear clothes too small as mum couldn't afford to buy them, we had to share bathwater and we was only permitted to bath once a week even going into puberty, wasn't allowed to change uniform all week so had to wear the same clothes from Monday morning until Friday Night as wasn't allowed to get changed after school unless pj's at night again same pair every night (mum didn't want the extra washing), wasn't allowed more than £1.50 for our dinner in secondary school despite it not being enough (all that could be afforded) I often didn't buy lunch and ate chips from chip shop after school and yes change from the lunch money was expected so couldn't be saved for something decent the next day. We did get bullied for this. I also was expected to parent my siblings and I potty trained 3 of them, if they misbehaved it was me to blame. Basically my mum had more kids then she could handle because she loves babies (not so much kids) but that was my experience of having a large family. How my mum wasn't reported to social services I'll never know.

Ultimately if you can give your kids enough financial ( just enough to feed decent meals, clothe adequately and keep their personal hygiene to a good standard), emotional and physical resources to give each child equally and parent your kids yourself not the older siblings then no hate have as many kids as you please but if you can't/or barely can do these things and continue to have more children then that is awful and that's where I think it isn't a good idea to have a big family.

Did it put you off having lots of children? How many do you have?

MyAcornWood · 10/09/2025 20:21

I don’t think it was so much about how many there were as it was about the fact that it was too many for that particular circumstance, if that makes sense? I’m one of six, and despite my mom being on her own parenting us as my dad fucked off, I don’t recall any negativity, but then, we were bloody good kids and weren’t foisted onto others. My brother has five himself and only one person has ever been sniffy about it, and she’s a twat about anyone who doesn’t do exactly as she does so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Legomania · 10/09/2025 20:22

Because there is a big crossover between deprivation and large families so it's not seen as an aspirational choice.
And some people don't seem to put two and two together and realise that a baby grows into a person who needs time and resources from their parents.

Moominmoko · 10/09/2025 20:28

I have 5 children and nobody has ever been negative about it to my face. I guess they probably are behind my back!

Honestly I wouldn't really care if they were. We can afford them all and (I think) are good parents to them all. The only comments that annoy me are the ones saying "finally got your boy" or "your husband will be happy" because we had 4 girls then a boy.

DLin4 · 10/09/2025 20:34

I think it’s the negative assumptions people make about large families and if they perceive that family as fitting in with the negative stereotype. When I was an unmarried young mother of 3 I felt people did come across quite negatively for the fact I was having a 3rd child and definitely when out and about I felt people were watching and judging and even the occasional nasty comment, particularly when using public transport. Funnily enough, now as a much older married mother of 6 with a career, our own house, car etc it’s come full circle and people seem very positive about our large family, often saying we should have another!!! I do still find however when travelling that people are people are very positive and supportive if you are with just one child on your own but you have to be with your husband for you not to go down in their estimation if you have 2 or definitely more. I also find the older generation seem to have more of a negative view of having a large family compared to the younger generation.

CinnamonBuns67 · 10/09/2025 20:34

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/09/2025 20:17

Did it put you off having lots of children? How many do you have?

Show quote history

I have 1 daughter and I'm pregnant with my second. I won't be having anymore.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 10/09/2025 20:35

WellThisIsFranklyDreadful · 10/09/2025 16:05

I don’t think people hate big families, but I can see why people are perplexed by people who keep having kids when they can’t handle the ones they already have.

I think this nailed it. Fine to have a large family. But not if everyone has to be on call to help you with it. Unless you arranged that with them in advance.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/09/2025 20:35

Penfoldfive · 10/09/2025 18:14

But these kids will be paying for your pension and healthcare once you're older. There's a massive issue with demographic collapse and not enough taxpayers to fund pensioners in the future.

Edited
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That’s depends. I’d say the Redfords the girls just get preg early - get a house via the state - have more kids - don’t seem to work

thi who knows what they will be doing in 15/20yrs

MixedBananas · 10/09/2025 20:35

In my circle of families unfortuantly 2 dead beat dad (uncles) and Mums who dont raise their kids at all. Just pump them out and leave them like wild animals. My cousins are feral attacking teachers, swearing from when they could talk just vile. Both uncles have 7 children and i dont visit anymore as we have had knives thrown at us by the young kids and the houses always smell like human feaces. Living off benefits. I dont agree with their choices and lifestyle and raising broken children who will not contribute to society only becoming criminals. People pike that shouldnt be allowed to have kids at all.

Phoenixfire1988 · 10/09/2025 20:48

I have 7 and couldn't give a flying fk what anyone thinks about it 🤣

GoldWhiteandBlue · 10/09/2025 20:48

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 17:10

@Bumblebee72- people have long hated only children. Spoiled. Weird. Selfish.

Yep I'm the devil for only having one child according to some. How hilarious.

Katheclepto · 10/09/2025 20:54

momtoboys · 10/09/2025 15:45

Posting here for traffic.

There was a post yesterday from a mom who had five children. I was surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at her for her larger than normal family. Things were said such as “you can’t properly parent five children”, “well, that’s your fault for having so many children”!

I have five children who are now grown. It made me wonder if people in my real world were thinking those mean things about my family. Why does it seem to be such a big deal? People choose the number of children that will complete their families. For some families it is one. Others it is six. Why do people seem to judge harshly if it is a higher number?

Because she couldn’t cope and was moaning that her MIL didn’t help her! If you can’t cope, don’t have them! We have one and we don’t get any help hence why we didn’t have more as I personally wouldn’t have coped! Also her oldest was in their room vaping, not offering any help… hardly sounds ideal!

BeWittyRobin · 10/09/2025 20:59

I didn’t see the original post so can’t really pass judgement on that directly. I have a large family I have 7 children. The first five was with my ex husband…never relied on anyone, both worked hard to provide and I juggled between being a stay at home mum, working full time and over time doing nights and weekends around ex husbands job. Then ex husband left, finding out afterwards that he didn’t get the memo that you can’t have a wife and a girlfriend 🙈😂 I ended up getting remarried and had another two children, so I guess I fall into the category or a large family and two baby daddies 🙈😂 but people will always have an opinion, there will be opinionated folk but personally I never have let it bother me nor have I ever cared. I’ve received many negative comments and had judgement passed and many (wrong) assumption’s made the best one was that when I was with my ex husband all my five children apparently had different dads……bear in mind two of the five are twins 🤷🏻‍♀️😂. I was asked many times if I had space as a childminder….nope they are all mine and I would be over my allocated numbers with my kids alone 😂. Is it hard having a large family, Christ I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy BUT I wouldn’t have it any other way nor would I do anything differently if I had to have my time again. Many who have 1 or 2 children etc struggle to see how we cope but equally I would say I don’t think I would cope with having only 1 or 2 kids firstly I can’t cook smaller amounts of food we would be over ran by left overs haha plus it’s all I know. At one time when my twins were born I had five 4yrs and under…..that was hard and those years are a bit of a blur but I did it. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford it nor cope, I’m proud to say I’ve always provided even with minimal sleep

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:03

GoldWhiteandBlue · 10/09/2025 20:48

Yep I'm the devil for only having one child according to some. How hilarious.

Show quote history

I also only have one. I’m also an only as was my mother.

GoldWhiteandBlue · 10/09/2025 21:04

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:03

I also only have one. I’m also an only as was my mother.

Show quote history

Are you all devils?😂

prelovedusername · 10/09/2025 21:15

Penfoldfive · 10/09/2025 18:14

But these kids will be paying for your pension and healthcare once you're older. There's a massive issue with demographic collapse and not enough taxpayers to fund pensioners in the future.

Edited
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Come off it, do you really think those are the kids who will be decent earners and contributors?

namechangetheworld · 10/09/2025 21:20

My cousin has recently complained that she can't afford a) new school uniforms this year, b) a club that her eldest is desperate to do, and c) a bag of sweets (!) for her youngest to take to school and share for his birthday. She has now just announced her fourth (planned) pregnancy. Yes, I judged hard. We will all have to nod and smile and congratulate her as she harps on about 'her little tribe' while knowing her current children will suffer because of her selfish actions.

Happyholidays78 · 10/09/2025 21:26

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2025 16:00

There is no negative view of having five children if the parents provide for them and care for them properly.

The OP yesterday had one 16yo vaping in his room, one13yo who refused to help by nipping to the shop, had allowed herself to run out of nappies and was criticising her MIL, who was in her 60s and understandably wasn't keen on babysitting. She then took her youngest four out in the rain.

I'm one of six. I remember what it was like. Never enough of anything. No attention. No privacy. Always late for or lacking something. Excluded from activities through lack of money. Very little care. It was no fun at all.

Having a large family requires planning, a large income, plenty of space & time, and good organisation if the children are not going to suffer. It didn't sound like that was happening yesterday.

I'm one of 5 siblings & echo this, no money, no space, parents had no time & even worse I was the oldest so lot's of cooking, cleaning, babysitting & shopping for me. I absolutely hated it & always roll my eyes when people talk about 'lovely big families'.

luckylavender · 10/09/2025 21:28

GoldWhiteandBlue · 10/09/2025 21:04

Are you all devils?😂

Show quote history

Probably 😈👹👿

TappyGilmore · 10/09/2025 21:30

I don’t see any dislike of large families. I see dislike of lazy parenting, which is what that thread was. Why had she run out of nappies, when she must have seen she was running low and could have stocked up before she actually ran out? Why was she expecting her MIL to drop everything and come and help her - it wasn’t even pre-arranged assistance, which many grandparents would be happy to do, it was a request to come and help right then? That sort of person could probably have only two kids, not five, and still wouldn’t be managing any better.

Overall I’d say it’s no one’s business how many kids anyone else has, as long as they can provide for them and aren’t dependent on welfare. But the one thing to consider is grandparents - if you’d like help from them, just know that many elderly people won’t feel comfortable looking after too many children at one time.

DorothyStorm · 10/09/2025 21:32

BeWittyRobin · 10/09/2025 20:59

I didn’t see the original post so can’t really pass judgement on that directly. I have a large family I have 7 children. The first five was with my ex husband…never relied on anyone, both worked hard to provide and I juggled between being a stay at home mum, working full time and over time doing nights and weekends around ex husbands job. Then ex husband left, finding out afterwards that he didn’t get the memo that you can’t have a wife and a girlfriend 🙈😂 I ended up getting remarried and had another two children, so I guess I fall into the category or a large family and two baby daddies 🙈😂 but people will always have an opinion, there will be opinionated folk but personally I never have let it bother me nor have I ever cared. I’ve received many negative comments and had judgement passed and many (wrong) assumption’s made the best one was that when I was with my ex husband all my five children apparently had different dads……bear in mind two of the five are twins 🤷🏻‍♀️😂. I was asked many times if I had space as a childminder….nope they are all mine and I would be over my allocated numbers with my kids alone 😂. Is it hard having a large family, Christ I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy BUT I wouldn’t have it any other way nor would I do anything differently if I had to have my time again. Many who have 1 or 2 children etc struggle to see how we cope but equally I would say I don’t think I would cope with having only 1 or 2 kids firstly I can’t cook smaller amounts of food we would be over ran by left overs haha plus it’s all I know. At one time when my twins were born I had five 4yrs and under…..that was hard and those years are a bit of a blur but I did it. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford it nor cope, I’m proud to say I’ve always provided even with minimal sleep

Edited

Your entire post is about providing a roof and food. That is the basics. Less than that and you're having them removed.

NebulousWhistler · 10/09/2025 21:34

I think most people with multiple children are either wealthy and can afford it, or else don’t care because the tax payer picks up the tab.